Outcome of the week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
Outcome of the week
Ok here it goes, and it's not pretty. I've been up on and off since 4 with my mind in an uproar. And I'm going to be on the phone in a little while.
Things went pretty good for some of the week there was no drama. Of course I had to get sick and spent a few days not really doing much but trying to cope with work and all so that prevented a lot of it.
I think what set her off was hearing from her father the beginning of the week. he's going in for a cancer operation today and she was to go see him on Friday, but she wasn't sure if she was getting what I had so he called it off. Now she hasn't seen him in a couple years because he would not come for her high school graduation, he bailed on her community college graduation, too. Also never sent a present for either.
After being home all week on spring break, AD has hooked up again with her old bf who was the one got her started on heroin. He is supposed to be clean, but is living i a house with active addiction. She also has her mostly sober bf hanging on the sidelines, but I think he's loosing this round. I'm not sure exactly what is going on and for the most part I don't want to know. It's her problem not mine.
But the boundries are going up later today after she gets up. And they won't be elastic ones either, I'm not going to give an inch, as there is no way I'm going back to the way things were last year when she was in active addiction. I've learned a lot since then, and yeah the hard way. I love her dearly, but I refuse to enable her in any way and she will hear that in no uncertain terms. I hate to say it but I'm glad she's going back to school, it will give me time to take care of me and get my head together. I need it.
Things went pretty good for some of the week there was no drama. Of course I had to get sick and spent a few days not really doing much but trying to cope with work and all so that prevented a lot of it.
I think what set her off was hearing from her father the beginning of the week. he's going in for a cancer operation today and she was to go see him on Friday, but she wasn't sure if she was getting what I had so he called it off. Now she hasn't seen him in a couple years because he would not come for her high school graduation, he bailed on her community college graduation, too. Also never sent a present for either.
After being home all week on spring break, AD has hooked up again with her old bf who was the one got her started on heroin. He is supposed to be clean, but is living i a house with active addiction. She also has her mostly sober bf hanging on the sidelines, but I think he's loosing this round. I'm not sure exactly what is going on and for the most part I don't want to know. It's her problem not mine.
But the boundries are going up later today after she gets up. And they won't be elastic ones either, I'm not going to give an inch, as there is no way I'm going back to the way things were last year when she was in active addiction. I've learned a lot since then, and yeah the hard way. I love her dearly, but I refuse to enable her in any way and she will hear that in no uncertain terms. I hate to say it but I'm glad she's going back to school, it will give me time to take care of me and get my head together. I need it.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((BluePansy))) You didn't ask for advice, so feel free to ignore this... but something jumped out at me in your post...
Part of your boundaries might be to get yourself out of the middle of her stuff? Maybe by having her take her stuff out of your house?
Just a thought.... hope this week goes better.
(((BluePansy)))
Things went pretty good for some of the week there was no drama. Of course I had to get sick and spent a few days not really doing much but trying to cope with work and all so that prevented a lot of it.
Just a thought.... hope this week goes better.
(((BluePansy)))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
there is no way I'm going back to the way things were last year when she was in active addiction. I've learned a lot since then, and yeah the hard way. I love her dearly, but I refuse to enable her in any way and she will hear that in no uncertain terms.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
Thanks to all for the replies, I just needed to vent, again. After venting I tore the kitchen apart and cleaned my little fingers off.
The boundaries I went on about concern my property, she wasn't too happy with what I told her, but it's about me, not her, although it does concern her. I try to stay out of her life unless she asks for my input. I think we actually have a pretty good relationship most of the time, mostly because I do try to let her find her own way and figure things out for herself.
Between her pms-ing and me not feeling good it's a wonder the week wasn't much worse. After being on her own most of every week being home again full time can be interesting, even if it's only for a week.
The boundaries I went on about concern my property, she wasn't too happy with what I told her, but it's about me, not her, although it does concern her. I try to stay out of her life unless she asks for my input. I think we actually have a pretty good relationship most of the time, mostly because I do try to let her find her own way and figure things out for herself.
Between her pms-ing and me not feeling good it's a wonder the week wasn't much worse. After being on her own most of every week being home again full time can be interesting, even if it's only for a week.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
I know having my college kids home in the now and in the past (addicted and non addicted) always puts our house in an uproar. My neighbor used to say "they can never come home again going away to college" and I do believe she was right. Too much independence has taken place. And mine just couldn't understand why we still had to have rules at my house.
Boundaries were a hard thing for me to learn, but also one of the best things onced I learned how to put them into place. You sound like you learned from your mistakes of the past when you didn't have those boundaries, so that should help you stand firm this time. Just remember .... take healthy care of you.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Boundaries were a hard thing for me to learn, but also one of the best things onced I learned how to put them into place. You sound like you learned from your mistakes of the past when you didn't have those boundaries, so that should help you stand firm this time. Just remember .... take healthy care of you.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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