I have had quite an awakening
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I have had quite an awakening
Most of you may not know me because I dont post here. Just recently started reading this section.
I have to say..Alot of these threads have really opened my eyes. I am new to recovery but I am on a strong path and pretty freakin determined to make it happen. I feel the pain in these posts. I see myself in alot of whom you speak off. I feel what it must have been like for some of my family to go through what I put them through. I have a better understanding that my addiction not only affected me but also the ones that love me.
I always knew but not to this degree. I have a whole new respect for my family and all of you for enduring what monsters we can sometimes be.
So today I am grateful for all of you for opening my eyes to what my selfishness has caused the people I care so much about.
Stay strong and always take care of your needs first!!!
I have to say..Alot of these threads have really opened my eyes. I am new to recovery but I am on a strong path and pretty freakin determined to make it happen. I feel the pain in these posts. I see myself in alot of whom you speak off. I feel what it must have been like for some of my family to go through what I put them through. I have a better understanding that my addiction not only affected me but also the ones that love me.
I always knew but not to this degree. I have a whole new respect for my family and all of you for enduring what monsters we can sometimes be.
So today I am grateful for all of you for opening my eyes to what my selfishness has caused the people I care so much about.
Stay strong and always take care of your needs first!!!
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to our little world, glad you stopped by. congrats on your awakening and i pray that you will from here continue on your road to recovery, your family will be very proud of you as i am proud of you. yes you are right addiction effects us all. my husband and i both are recovering addicts, its hard but you can do it. you got what it takes, it determination and awareness. keep going, i'm cheering you on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Hi Chiynita, I see you post on the SA forum and know you have been struggling. I commend you on your strides forward! It is good that you come over here and see the "other side of the coin". It's like why I go over to SA and read the posts there. Maybe you can help shed some light on addicts behaviours if you see fit.
Prayers and peace!!
Prayers and peace!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Chiynita,
Welcome to our world. I too am proud of you for working on your recovery. Please keep coming here and if you have questions feel free to ask. We can give you the other's side of the feeling. I attended NA meetings when I first started my recovery and they helped me so much. I was told I also helped the addict by answering questions for them.
Please keep working on your recovery and know that we have faith in you and know you can make it.
Prayers and hugs coming to you
Welcome to our world. I too am proud of you for working on your recovery. Please keep coming here and if you have questions feel free to ask. We can give you the other's side of the feeling. I attended NA meetings when I first started my recovery and they helped me so much. I was told I also helped the addict by answering questions for them.
Please keep working on your recovery and know that we have faith in you and know you can make it.
Prayers and hugs coming to you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Chiynita,
Thank you for posting here and I think your recovery is first rate. I'm one who really believes in seeing both sides of things- especially when it comes to addiction.
When I became serious about my own recovery, I began to attend LOTS of meetings and I thought it odd at first that I seemed to get more help for my codependency at open NA and AA meetings than I did Alanon. For over 2 years I attended at leasat one NA and two AA plus my Alanon....every week. Seeing and hearing the other side gave me hope that _I_ could change.
Just like you can feel our pain by reading here- I could feel the pain of the addict by going to NA. I think it's great when we can begin to understand and use that to make our lives better.
Keep coming back!
Thank you for posting here and I think your recovery is first rate. I'm one who really believes in seeing both sides of things- especially when it comes to addiction.
When I became serious about my own recovery, I began to attend LOTS of meetings and I thought it odd at first that I seemed to get more help for my codependency at open NA and AA meetings than I did Alanon. For over 2 years I attended at leasat one NA and two AA plus my Alanon....every week. Seeing and hearing the other side gave me hope that _I_ could change.
Just like you can feel our pain by reading here- I could feel the pain of the addict by going to NA. I think it's great when we can begin to understand and use that to make our lives better.
Keep coming back!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: reality
Posts: 156
I really appreciate you saying this, it is as if all our addicts are speaking to us through you. We often sit around here and ask each other if the addict is ever going to come back and apologize for the havoc they have wreaked, the pain they have caused, and now we all can see that they do, and will, and are happy too.
I really appreciate your words, I know that those sit in the back of the abf's head somewhere and perhaps he will actually say them to me too!
I really appreciate your words, I know that those sit in the back of the abf's head somewhere and perhaps he will actually say them to me too!
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
((((Chiynita))))
What I cannot get from the still active addicts in my life, I can get from open AA and NA meetings, and from folks like you. Sometimes, I just need to hear what you just said. Thank you. (((hugs)))
What I cannot get from the still active addicts in my life, I can get from open AA and NA meetings, and from folks like you. Sometimes, I just need to hear what you just said. Thank you. (((hugs)))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((Chiynita))))
Thanks for joining us here and for sharing your thoughts and congratulations on your recovery. I'm glad you are so strongly motivated! I think CMC said it so well...For me open NA meetings helped me tremendously in my own recovery and helped me to shed anger and find compassion.
Hugs and prayers
Thanks for joining us here and for sharing your thoughts and congratulations on your recovery. I'm glad you are so strongly motivated! I think CMC said it so well...For me open NA meetings helped me tremendously in my own recovery and helped me to shed anger and find compassion.
Hugs and prayers
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Thank you all. All your comments mean so much.
Can I just say as nasty and uncaring as we can sometimes be. Most of the time the addiction is so strong it turns us into that evil selfish beast we become. It is mind blowing the control addiction can have.
I cant tell you how many times I have had my grams in tears ..trembling..looks of fear..and just on the verge of a break down or seriously her thoughts of wanting me to maybe just go away forever because I am manipulating...hurting..physically draining..and just driving her to the point of insanity.
I knew in my mind what I was doing and it would kill me but that dam addiction had more power. Its was like a dual in my head.. I use to hate it that the addiction always won.
Anyway my point is..Even tho we become that beast its not because we really dont care..the addiction is that strong sometimes.
Some of us will come around eventually..sadly some won't.
All you can do is love us and let us find our own way back. We lose ourselves in addiction and the only way back is to look for it by ourselves. But when we finally see where it is we are going. There is nothing wrong with leaving the light on for us so we never lose sight of where it is we came from.
Always take of you first!!!! When your addict decides on their own it is time. Then reach out your hand and help walk us back.
God Bless you all.
Can I just say as nasty and uncaring as we can sometimes be. Most of the time the addiction is so strong it turns us into that evil selfish beast we become. It is mind blowing the control addiction can have.
I cant tell you how many times I have had my grams in tears ..trembling..looks of fear..and just on the verge of a break down or seriously her thoughts of wanting me to maybe just go away forever because I am manipulating...hurting..physically draining..and just driving her to the point of insanity.
I knew in my mind what I was doing and it would kill me but that dam addiction had more power. Its was like a dual in my head.. I use to hate it that the addiction always won.
Anyway my point is..Even tho we become that beast its not because we really dont care..the addiction is that strong sometimes.
Some of us will come around eventually..sadly some won't.
All you can do is love us and let us find our own way back. We lose ourselves in addiction and the only way back is to look for it by ourselves. But when we finally see where it is we are going. There is nothing wrong with leaving the light on for us so we never lose sight of where it is we came from.
Always take of you first!!!! When your addict decides on their own it is time. Then reach out your hand and help walk us back.
God Bless you all.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
chiynita,
I luckily found somehow found my way to this forum in my early days of recovery, I can honestly say just reading and reading and reading this forum,
has or did save me time and time again from reaching back out to my dealer.
It still does today, in a different way, but like you, it gave me a look into the way I was behaving.... My family still doesn't know about my problem, but they knew I was not myself..
Glad you found it. I hope it benefits you as much as it has me.. ;-)
There are some amazing people on here...
I luckily found somehow found my way to this forum in my early days of recovery, I can honestly say just reading and reading and reading this forum,
has or did save me time and time again from reaching back out to my dealer.
It still does today, in a different way, but like you, it gave me a look into the way I was behaving.... My family still doesn't know about my problem, but they knew I was not myself..
Glad you found it. I hope it benefits you as much as it has me.. ;-)
There are some amazing people on here...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Chiynita
Thank you for sharing your recovery and feelings with us. You give us hope and acceptance for what we feel we have to do for us and our addicts. I pray each day that my daughter will find her way back as you have done.
Keep up the good work and give yourself a big hug from me.
Terri
Thank you for sharing your recovery and feelings with us. You give us hope and acceptance for what we feel we have to do for us and our addicts. I pray each day that my daughter will find her way back as you have done.
Keep up the good work and give yourself a big hug from me.
Terri
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
I was very happy to read your post here chiynita.
I to seen some of the horrible things in me by reading
some of the threads on the friends and family forum.
The F & F's have some of the largest hearts and souls
of the good people on this earth and I to thank them
sicerely, and hope for their continued recovery.
God bless you chiynita and your recovery, hope3
I to seen some of the horrible things in me by reading
some of the threads on the friends and family forum.
The F & F's have some of the largest hearts and souls
of the good people on this earth and I to thank them
sicerely, and hope for their continued recovery.
God bless you chiynita and your recovery, hope3
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