Mavis

Today my feeling's are all over the place. My son is with AH today and I feel totally lost. I have been having such trouble sleeping this past week, so I figured I would lay down and have a nap, but I don't feel like it.
The sun is shining, so I figure I should get out and enjoy the day.. shopping? But I don't feel like getting dressed. I want to cry, but I'm not.
I'm not sure why I feel lost because I am finally settled in at my mom's house, things are going well with AH, he is in therapy and clean for a couple of week's, he looks good, my son is happy, doing well in school, and I have my own school lined up next week.
What is the problem?
I think I'm sad because I am mad at the fact that AH is doing so well, and I have wanted that for sooo long and it finally took me leaving for him to even try to get help. I was begging him for year's to quit, so I could stay and we could work on our relationship, and have the stable family we needed for our son.. but he never did.
I think I am sad because I don't want to go back home. I don't want his hug's or vaccuum my home. I don't want to look at my home and feel such pain. I feel in such mourning today. Mourning the family I never had. Mourning my son's family he never had.
Has any one else experienced this?
Thank's for listening to my sobbing.

teke

i say give it some time before you decide that is over forever if you don't think that you are really ready to make that call, its only been a couple of wks. who knows how this whole thing can play itself out. try to do something to enjoy the day and live in the moment. one day at a time, it just may get a little better for the both of you together if thats what you decide to do.

it is possible that he's trying to do what he has to do, for both of you dreams to become reality and maybe not, but either way, you don't have to finalize things today do you? i hope you feel better soon.

best

Many do feel what you are feeling and I think you figured it out well. There is a mourning process that comes with change.
Know that it is normal feelings and more important... Know that it will pass.

Mavis

Thank you guy's. That was good to hear!

Brownie

Hi Mavis - I understand the "Mourning the family I never had" and the mourning process - never did quite get over that even though I'm remarried and all the kids past 40 - Maybe it's because their relationships don't work out - no grandchildren - and of course in the back of my mind still kind of excuse AD for using because of not having the family every child deserves.

duet_4-8

Hi Mavis,
I'm feeling the same way today-for the last several days really. I filed for divorce three weeks ago after 25 years. The whole thing just sucks.

I was so strong leading up to this, so focused. I still know it was the right thing, but I find myself 'awfulizing' about the future, splitting up the property, not wanting to give up our house-the one that my 3 boys have called home for all these years.

I find myself just hating AH and what this has done to all our lives. I feel resentful of all the things that should have been in my life, but weren't. I went to my dear daughter-in-law's baby shower today and I couldn't even really enjoy it for thinking back to the way he treated me when I was expecting our kids. He was just a monster. It was supposed to be a happy time but all he cared about was himself and partying.

Sorry-didn't mean to get carried away. As my grandma used to say 'this too shall pass'.

((((HUGS))))

patchoulli

I felt that way when my dad died. My parents had been divorced for 35 years[he left 4 little kids for another woman]. He would call every few years, usually drunk. Ended up, I went to visit him and I can't say that things were wonderful, but I forgave him after many years of resentment. He died 4 years ago this month, I too mourned what should have been. We were little, we should have had a dad, we shouldn't have had to live in a slum, my kids should have had a grand-pa. I was very sad for him.