Intellectual knowledge vs emotional knowledge
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Montvale, VA
Posts: 35
Intellectual knowledge vs emotional knowledge
I've been reading through posts and one thing keeps striking me. It doesn't seem to matter how smart we are, how learned we are, how much research we do. There are two types of knowledge and they don't always coincide. My intellectual side repeats the three c's, knows I can't control this, knows I have to step back, knows this is a disease, knows that anger may not help and will often hurt the situation, knows that the only person I can control is me. My emotional side, though, is a different story. My brain knows, but for some reason, my heart is having a hard time hearing it. No matter how much I THINK I know, when push comes to shove, emotions often take over and cause me to respond in ways that aren't necessarily helpful to me or my friend. I think true recovery for us comes when the brain finally gets it and then somehow manages to convince the heart.
Case in point. This evening, while I was fixing dinner, my friend came in and mentioned plans for tomorrow. I told her for the fifth time that I am going to a meeting in the morning. She snapped (as if it is her business anyway), "Well, this is the first I've heard about that!" Logically, I should have just kept quiet. Emotionally, though, it pissed me off - because she has heard it and because I don't like her attitude. I replied in an extremely sharp voice, "No, it isn't." That's a small thing, granted, but it is a thing none-the-less. I don't want to abandon my emotions, but sniping back isn't really helping the situation. When I am able to not just keep from responding, but am truly detached from her behavior so that it doesn't make me angry, THEN and only then will I be free from this disease.
Comments?
Roni
Case in point. This evening, while I was fixing dinner, my friend came in and mentioned plans for tomorrow. I told her for the fifth time that I am going to a meeting in the morning. She snapped (as if it is her business anyway), "Well, this is the first I've heard about that!" Logically, I should have just kept quiet. Emotionally, though, it pissed me off - because she has heard it and because I don't like her attitude. I replied in an extremely sharp voice, "No, it isn't." That's a small thing, granted, but it is a thing none-the-less. I don't want to abandon my emotions, but sniping back isn't really helping the situation. When I am able to not just keep from responding, but am truly detached from her behavior so that it doesn't make me angry, THEN and only then will I be free from this disease.
Comments?
Roni
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You didn't act. You reacted. It's great to be composed but you have every right to be spoken to with respect, You aren't a door mat. You mirrored the tine right back just as it came to you. Why should you be spoken to in that tone and demeanor?
There may have been a better response but she sounds like an exhausting person to be around and sometimes enough is enough.
There may have been a better response but she sounds like an exhausting person to be around and sometimes enough is enough.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Roni, to me, that's a real small slip on your part. You sound like you are way ahead of me in this department. I know what you mean about the brain/heart thing. I don't understand it either. I guess, in a more perfect world... Let me know when you find it. I think you're doing great!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Ronron 
No matter how much I THINK I know, when push comes to shove, emotions often take over and cause me to respond in ways that aren't necessarily helpful to me or my friend. I think true recovery for us comes when the brain finally gets it and then somehow manages to convince the heart.
I am a novice at this new thinking. For now, I'm not so sure the heart will ever be convinced of anything. Sometimes I think it just needs to be comforted.
((()))
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Most of you know I started my recovery in AA and then at 3 years sober my sponsor strongly suggested that I also attend alanon.
One thing that I was already learning in my early recovery, is one of the phrases in the BB of AA. It says........................
"we will no longer walk all over people, nor will we allow them to walk all over us" (or something to that effect.
What this taught me, is that it is okay for me to stand up for my boundaries. Yes, I also have to learn tact, lol, but over the years I have also learned that "tact" doesn't always work. Responding with a sharp retort Rom was what you needed to do at that time. Part of 'setting your boundaries' so to speak. She obviously doesn't resect you.
So was it wrong? Nope not in my book. Maybe your tone of voice could have been a bit quieter, who knows. Hopefully this 'friend' got the message. She may not have though and additional correction may become necessary before it all sinks in.
You go girl!!! Sounds to me like your priorities are coming together real well. You put your meeting ahead of shopping. Good for you!!!
J M H O
Love and hugs,
One thing that I was already learning in my early recovery, is one of the phrases in the BB of AA. It says........................
"we will no longer walk all over people, nor will we allow them to walk all over us" (or something to that effect.
What this taught me, is that it is okay for me to stand up for my boundaries. Yes, I also have to learn tact, lol, but over the years I have also learned that "tact" doesn't always work. Responding with a sharp retort Rom was what you needed to do at that time. Part of 'setting your boundaries' so to speak. She obviously doesn't resect you.
So was it wrong? Nope not in my book. Maybe your tone of voice could have been a bit quieter, who knows. Hopefully this 'friend' got the message. She may not have though and additional correction may become necessary before it all sinks in.
You go girl!!! Sounds to me like your priorities are coming together real well. You put your meeting ahead of shopping. Good for you!!!
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I'm don't belive I'm intellecrtual at all. My grammer
and spelling is something else.
I can calculate methematic formula, read blue prints,
draw, paint and play music like a mad man, thou.
The left brain , right brain. Capitalize on my assets
and work on my liablities....I suppose.
Reserching on subject matters is important.
It would be a lot easier to repair anything with
insights or instructions rather then just winging it.
And the experince of others that already gather
information of many, many life time or aeon
would save me a lot of time. The average human body
only last around 80-100 years if maintain.
I don't have that much time to learn everything from
scrath or to re-invent the wheels.
Never the less... knowlege alone is not enough if
I don't apply it. But there's also a far amount of
learning cruve in any subject or matters.
What took me years, months or days to accomplish
the first time, I can do within 5 mins after some experince.
And one do make mistakes in the learning process while
the brain gets caught up to speed.
Logic, common sense, wisdom.
Emotions....i feel them.
But it's connected to my brain.
There are thousands of emotions.
I feel emotions that are familar to me.
And my brain generate or re-generate
chemicles to feed nerual networks
of my brain. And my brain is wired a certain way.
To break the cycle of unhealthy neraul network. I must
be able to shift my focus or re-wire the brain.
It would be a whole hell of a lot easier sometimes
If I can just push the EASY botton.lol
Re-formate the disc as in a PC.
But that's what differ me from a machine
or the dude with the pointed ears on the enterprize.
My feelings or emotions......
Who dose that ???
The "I" ," me ", The heart, The spirit, The soul. ?
When i piont to my heart....it's always to the center of
my chess...My biological heart is to the left of my chess.
Why is that ??
Is it something that my brain had gather some data
somewhere by my environment?
To expand on my experince of emotions, I would have to
use my brain to reserch.
Example just making list of emotions would be a good
excersize to open my mind.
So how deep down the wabit hole you want to go ?
and spelling is something else.
I can calculate methematic formula, read blue prints,
draw, paint and play music like a mad man, thou.
The left brain , right brain. Capitalize on my assets
and work on my liablities....I suppose.
Reserching on subject matters is important.
It would be a lot easier to repair anything with
insights or instructions rather then just winging it.
And the experince of others that already gather
information of many, many life time or aeon
would save me a lot of time. The average human body
only last around 80-100 years if maintain.
I don't have that much time to learn everything from
scrath or to re-invent the wheels.
Never the less... knowlege alone is not enough if
I don't apply it. But there's also a far amount of
learning cruve in any subject or matters.
What took me years, months or days to accomplish
the first time, I can do within 5 mins after some experince.
And one do make mistakes in the learning process while
the brain gets caught up to speed.
Logic, common sense, wisdom.
Emotions....i feel them.
But it's connected to my brain.
There are thousands of emotions.
I feel emotions that are familar to me.
And my brain generate or re-generate
chemicles to feed nerual networks
of my brain. And my brain is wired a certain way.
To break the cycle of unhealthy neraul network. I must
be able to shift my focus or re-wire the brain.
It would be a whole hell of a lot easier sometimes
If I can just push the EASY botton.lol
Re-formate the disc as in a PC.
But that's what differ me from a machine
or the dude with the pointed ears on the enterprize.
My feelings or emotions......
Who dose that ???
The "I" ," me ", The heart, The spirit, The soul. ?
When i piont to my heart....it's always to the center of
my chess...My biological heart is to the left of my chess.
Why is that ??
Is it something that my brain had gather some data
somewhere by my environment?
To expand on my experince of emotions, I would have to
use my brain to reserch.
Example just making list of emotions would be a good
excersize to open my mind.
So how deep down the wabit hole you want to go ?
Last edited by SaTiT; 03-10-2007 at 09:09 AM. Reason: satit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Montvale, VA
Posts: 35
Intellect has little to do with grammatical ability, SaTiT.
You are obviously a very quick and deep thinker. Thank you for your post. Good fodder for thoughts, there.
Thanks to everyone else, too. This has been a particularly hard few days for me. Having a plan is easier. I'm a doer, so having something that I can do works. I'll let you know how Tuesday turns out. We are now on our fourth day of total and complete inebriation and her choice is rehab or an apartment. I just want to have information available to her when I give the choice. Being able to post here and be supported by so many of you has helped me through it. I can't be in the same room with her without being pissed, but I can walk away. I have been reciting "Let go, let God" and "This, too, shall pass" since Thursday.
Roni
Thanks to everyone else, too. This has been a particularly hard few days for me. Having a plan is easier. I'm a doer, so having something that I can do works. I'll let you know how Tuesday turns out. We are now on our fourth day of total and complete inebriation and her choice is rehab or an apartment. I just want to have information available to her when I give the choice. Being able to post here and be supported by so many of you has helped me through it. I can't be in the same room with her without being pissed, but I can walk away. I have been reciting "Let go, let God" and "This, too, shall pass" since Thursday.
Roni
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