Grace

I posted earlier pertaining to this friend of mine. Thank you for the replies, by the way. In short, we have been close friends since we were 14 years old. I am now 50 and it frustrates me having to deal with something like this at my age. She got fired last summer for stealing a morphine patch from one of her elderly patients. I stood by her and helped her through her recovery. Who am I to judge? None of us are faultless. I have some training in chemical dependency and I stood by her while she went through withdrawal. Her name was in the local paper and her husband and children were incredibly upset with their mother. She swore that she had learned her lesson and would never take pain killers again.

Well....she is seeking out pain killers from MY SISTER. Let the lies begin. She has shown up at my sister's house and told me she was looking for me. She keeps calling my sister trying to 'hook up'. It had made me look back at our friendship and wonder how often she actually lied to me. I have caught her in dozens of stupid lies in the past month. If she wants to do drugs again, that is her decision. I can't control what anyone else does, BUT...here is my problem:

I have health problems which cause me to have difficulty sleeping at night. She knows this and I have asked her half a dozen times NOT to call me early in the morning. Even if she could wait until 9 or 10 a.m., I would appreciate it. She completely ignores my requests. She has called me twice this week and woke me up before 7:30 in the morning. To me, this is showing me total disrespect. I asked her the other morning to PLEASE let me call her after I wake up, and she said alright. THE NEXT DAY, she called early again.

WHY is she doing this and how do I handle it????

I feel that she is testing my boundaries and I'm sick and tired of all the lies and inconsideration.

I would greatly appreciate suggestions on dealing with her.
Thank you!
Grace

teke

sorry that you are going through this, maybe you could try call block at a certain time or just turn off your ringer, just until she gets the picture. not excusing her behavior,but she's an addict and is doing what addicts do. i too think that she is disrespecting your boundaries, i suggest you treat her like you would any other addict who does this. jmhp

hope213

i remember your post about this & i am really sorry for her & for you too.i have a best friend that we have been best friends 50 yrs. i would be devstated if she did that(drugs). as far as her calling you early in the morning i do not know what to say except answer the phone & ask her"don't you care about me at all,i have ask you not to call" & see what her response is & carry it from there.best wishes for you & her too.

Hangin' In

Grace,

She's doing what an addict does....focusing totally on herself and what she wants. So this is where boundaries come in for you. You can't control the addict in your life, but you sure can control the actions you take to make your life more peaceful.

If it were me, I'd turn the ringer off and sleep tight. A few times of not answering, she'll probably move on to someone else. And if she were to confront you, you don't have to explain. My experience is addicts don't hear you anyway, so why waste your breath. Or if she does confront and you feel like you have to respond, say what you mean but don't say it mean. Something maybe like, "I like to sleep til 9 or 10, so I've decided to turn my ringer off." Period. Case closed.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

SaTiT

What gose up must come down.
The downers are lame.
When you're high, it dosen't matter....time dosen't exsist.
You forget about simple things... like some peaple need
sleep.lol

She's reaching out for help. Which is a good thing
That's why there's the other support groups that can help her through these hard times. Perhaps you can refer
her to one.

Addiction or alcoholism is a progressive disease.
it dosen't matter how much time you have.
it's not a moral issue...or the disease dose not discriminate.
it dosen't matter what you do for a living or how
good of a citizen you think you are or what you belive
or don't belive in.

newblue82

Totally agree with all the above! I'm sorry for what is essentially a loss to you but your best friend isn't the same teenage girl you made friends with years ago. It may be time for you to consider distancing yourself from her or ending the friendship. Concerning your health and well-being, I think that trying to maintain a friendship with her and be her support system could ultimately be toxic for you. Try the plus or minus system. Does she add or subtract from the overall contentment and calm in your life? You have to love yourself above all else and do what's best for you because none of us are superheroes and eventually being so selfless and attentive to someone who doesn't even recognize it begins to take its toll.

Wascally Wabbit

My son would call me at 2 and 3 in the morning. I wouldn't answer.
This is hard to say, but your friend will not be your friend for much longer. She will become a raging drug addict doing anything at all to get high. She will not respect your wishes now, and it will only get worse. Help her from a distance and don't get caught up in the drama that comes with a drug addict.
Have you been to an alanon meeting?

bookmiser

(((((grace)))))

Sorry for what your going through, but glad that you found your way here.
Don't think we've met yet, so here's an official ...

I'm Linda and my addict is my 25 yo son.
He has called me a few times in the middle of the night.
I finally had to start turning the phone down at bedtime.
He doesn't call all the time. Only when he gets drunk.
I suggest you just turn the phone down during the hours that you need rest.
Sending prayers out for your friend. I pray she reaches rock bottom soon and seeks help.
Keep coming back.
A new sr bud,
Linda

Grace

You guys are awesome!

Thank you for the advice! I know that the phone calls may sound trivial, but it has made me truly look at our friendship. She has stood me up when we had plans, sold a car to my daughter when the gas tank was ready to fall out, slept with one of my boyfriends, and I forgave her. Does this make me stupid? Maybe. I was taught to be a forgiving person. Now I'm starting to think that I was being naive and gullible.

What truly hurts me the most is that when her husband and her kids wouldn't even speak to her, I stood by her and helped her through withdrawal. Of all the people to start seeking out drugs from, why did she go to my sister? Not only has she been lying to me for years, now she is asking my sister to lie to me. That is what hurts the most!!!!

I know that she is not the same person that she was when we were 14, BUT I hate saying goodbye to a friend. I'm not quite sure how to handle it. She is already spending quite a bit of time with my sister. She was at my sister's house yesterday when I called and she told my sister not to answer the phone. My sister told her that I knew that she was seeking out drugs! I know that she doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but how can I ever trust her again?????????

This is my dilemma now. Do I just walk away or do I explain to her how hurt I am and know that I can't trust her? How do you maintain a relationship without trust?

I need some help on this one!!!!

teke

i say try to detach with love, i really would hate to hear some of the things that your enemy has done to hurt you. try to allow her to reach her bottom without you, there is nothing you can do, even if/when you do confront her. addicts don't really care who or where they get drugs from, all that matters is that they get them. sorry