Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
Relapse
Hello Forum,
it has been a few weeks since i last posted. I relapsed last thurs, just drank and was finished the same night.The experience sucked and was not much fun, especially the guilt. I was going on 2 months. The problem is, I was working the third step with my sponsor and have not told him yet. I just have not been able to do this, actually he kind of turned me off recently because of putting god, not a higher power on me, saying that was the only way I can get through my addiction.His catholic faith!!! He was ordering me about such and such and I did not feel very comfortable with it, am I being too sensitive? Am i supposed to start the steps again, from step 1? confused!!!! honestly, this whole recovery proces has been so hard and no matter what, I kept fooling myself that I could at least drink again the whole time I was in recovery. I don't know how you guys do this ? "the one day at a time", the "it will get better", "wait until the miracle happens","life on life terms" none of that stuff makes me feel any better. sorry if i seem so negative, but I drank and did drugs to get away from this **** sometimes called life. No amount of physical excertion, hobbies, people, can help me through this, I'm still feeling doomed.Sobriety, for me, is mostly a boring nightmare!!! I must also confess to not posting so much because I feel I have nothing to contribute. I am lost. thank you for reading this.
it has been a few weeks since i last posted. I relapsed last thurs, just drank and was finished the same night.The experience sucked and was not much fun, especially the guilt. I was going on 2 months. The problem is, I was working the third step with my sponsor and have not told him yet. I just have not been able to do this, actually he kind of turned me off recently because of putting god, not a higher power on me, saying that was the only way I can get through my addiction.His catholic faith!!! He was ordering me about such and such and I did not feel very comfortable with it, am I being too sensitive? Am i supposed to start the steps again, from step 1? confused!!!! honestly, this whole recovery proces has been so hard and no matter what, I kept fooling myself that I could at least drink again the whole time I was in recovery. I don't know how you guys do this ? "the one day at a time", the "it will get better", "wait until the miracle happens","life on life terms" none of that stuff makes me feel any better. sorry if i seem so negative, but I drank and did drugs to get away from this **** sometimes called life. No amount of physical excertion, hobbies, people, can help me through this, I'm still feeling doomed.Sobriety, for me, is mostly a boring nightmare!!! I must also confess to not posting so much because I feel I have nothing to contribute. I am lost. thank you for reading this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on the Ocean Blue
Posts: 272
Hi PG - sorry about your sponser my daughter (drug addict) had a similar thing happen with a counselor - he apologized but their sharing was never the same. Doesn't sound bad to start the steps again does it - what do you think? By the way all the contributions in SR are helpful to me - those who share themselves the way you did are awesome. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 33
Hi PG...
i know what u mean...totally know what u mean.
if u ever want to talk just PM me...
my heart is huge i so want to help everyone...i myself have had a blur of last 10 years from just getting beyond wasted i was fully functional on whatever...no body knows....now that i have started telling people and am happy about stopping thats like my new high...lets talk
sooon my friend....
i know what u mean...totally know what u mean.
if u ever want to talk just PM me...
my heart is huge i so want to help everyone...i myself have had a blur of last 10 years from just getting beyond wasted i was fully functional on whatever...no body knows....now that i have started telling people and am happy about stopping thats like my new high...lets talk
sooon my friend....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Central California
Posts: 246
Is it possible to start all over with a new sponser? Someone you are more compatible with? I'm new here and I'm not that familiar with AA program yet. Don't give up....if AA does not work for you try something else. Best wishes and keep coming back to SR!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
If this sponsor is not working out for you, you can always get a new one. Sponsorship does not mean marriage. lol 
Find someone you can click with. Having a sponsor that you are compatible with is very very important!
Glad that you are here still moving on forward.
Find someone you can click with. Having a sponsor that you are compatible with is very very important!
Glad that you are here still moving on forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
PG, keep try'n...
if your use'n, or go'n to AA meets.. go to a ton of um... listen... listen to the shares.. look for someone that has what you need... not what you think you want...
and you have to want it, not need it... recovery that is...
for me, a good sponser aint noth'n more then a person that can show/teach us about the seven deadlys... how they can/have run us...
and how to teach us to get a grip on them...
good wishes...
xxoo, rz
if your use'n, or go'n to AA meets.. go to a ton of um... listen... listen to the shares.. look for someone that has what you need... not what you think you want...
and you have to want it, not need it... recovery that is...
for me, a good sponser aint noth'n more then a person that can show/teach us about the seven deadlys... how they can/have run us...
and how to teach us to get a grip on them...
good wishes...
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 113
PG1968...I felt as if you were speaking for me with that post. That is the EXACT way I feel. I am 90 days sober, and want to drink because I can't stand the boredom and cliche that is AA. Its not the people, because i like them. Its just the fact that I can't drink anymore...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Originally Posted by PG1968 
Hello Forum,
it has been a few weeks since i last posted. I relapsed last thurs, just drank and was finished the same night.The experience sucked and was not much fun, especially the guilt. I was going on 2 months. The problem is, I was working the third step with my sponsor and have not told him yet. I just have not been able to do this, actually he kind of turned me off recently because of putting god, not a higher power on me, saying that was the only way I can get through my addiction.His catholic faith!!! He was ordering me about such and such and I did not feel very comfortable with it, am I being too sensitive? Am i supposed to start the steps again, from step 1? confused!!!! honestly, this whole recovery proces has been so hard and no matter what, I kept fooling myself that I could at least drink again the whole time I was in recovery. I don't know how you guys do this ? "the one day at a time", the "it will get better", "wait until the miracle happens","life on life terms" none of that stuff makes me feel any better. sorry if i seem so negative, but I drank and did drugs to get away from this **** sometimes called life. No amount of physical excertion, hobbies, people, can help me through this, I'm still feeling doomed.Sobriety, for me, is mostly a boring nightmare!!! I must also confess to not posting so much because I feel I have nothing to contribute. I am lost. thank you for reading this.
it has been a few weeks since i last posted. I relapsed last thurs, just drank and was finished the same night.The experience sucked and was not much fun, especially the guilt. I was going on 2 months. The problem is, I was working the third step with my sponsor and have not told him yet. I just have not been able to do this, actually he kind of turned me off recently because of putting god, not a higher power on me, saying that was the only way I can get through my addiction.His catholic faith!!! He was ordering me about such and such and I did not feel very comfortable with it, am I being too sensitive? Am i supposed to start the steps again, from step 1? confused!!!! honestly, this whole recovery proces has been so hard and no matter what, I kept fooling myself that I could at least drink again the whole time I was in recovery. I don't know how you guys do this ? "the one day at a time", the "it will get better", "wait until the miracle happens","life on life terms" none of that stuff makes me feel any better. sorry if i seem so negative, but I drank and did drugs to get away from this **** sometimes called life. No amount of physical excertion, hobbies, people, can help me through this, I'm still feeling doomed.Sobriety, for me, is mostly a boring nightmare!!! I must also confess to not posting so much because I feel I have nothing to contribute. I am lost. thank you for reading this.
In AA spirituality has nothing to do with religion. If your sponsor insists that you have to do it the "Catholic Way" tell him to take a hike. This program all about finding a "Higher Power" that can help you solve your problems. You seemed to be convinced that you are powerless over alcohol. If you have a concept of a Higher Power then you are making progress. It's not necessary to go back to Set 1 unless you're not absolutely convinced of what it ways. Just MHO. There are many kinds of people in AA with many different ideas. As has been said, find someone who you identify with, someone who has some good sobriety time, someone who when the speak up in a meeting, it's easy to understand what they say.
Keep hanging in there. It's tough right now because there's a lot of confusion. The fog will lift as time goes by. Speak up in meetings, let people know what you're feeling. I'll bet if you shared in a meeting what you just shared with us, the vast majority of folks would tell you it's not about religion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
You guys never seem to amaze me!!!!! So much caring here!!!! thanks. I have not yet spoke to the sponsor, but have put things into perspective. I just have to find the type of sponsor i click with. Went to an AA meeting last night.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
PG,
Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up for slipping. Hey, you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and here you are trying to make things work better this time Way to go!! You'll get it, just keep believing!!
Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up for slipping. Hey, you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and here you are trying to make things work better this time
Way to go!! You'll get it, just keep believing!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Gainesville, Texas
Posts: 89
Hi All
Sponsors screw up. It may be a function of the fact there are no screening methods to keep out those that are still sick. Probably best since we are ALL still sick.
Personally I am not a huge fan of the word. I prefer the words friend, buddy, pal or helper.
Hang in there and you will find somebody that works with you, regardless of the title.
Ray
Sponsors screw up. It may be a function of the fact there are no screening methods to keep out those that are still sick. Probably best since we are ALL still sick.
Personally I am not a huge fan of the word. I prefer the words friend, buddy, pal or helper.
Hang in there and you will find somebody that works with you, regardless of the title.
Ray
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
Hello people,
just checking in. I appreciate all that was written. I still have not talked to my sponsor, I have had something come up. I have not attended any meetings as of late, however, I have not been using. right now, I just cannot handle meetings, I don't know when I will use again and I cannot deal with the guilt of getting to know some of the people there and then relapsing over and over. thank you anyway.
just checking in. I appreciate all that was written. I still have not talked to my sponsor, I have had something come up. I have not attended any meetings as of late, however, I have not been using. right now, I just cannot handle meetings, I don't know when I will use again and I cannot deal with the guilt of getting to know some of the people there and then relapsing over and over. thank you anyway.
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