jet

HI,
My name is Jet. I haven't been on since last January. My husband was in the hospital in October. He was told by two different doctor's NO ALOCHOL FOR SIX NOMTHS. That didn't last. All he does is go in the cellar and listens to his tapes and drink and smole marajuana. He dosen't want to do anything with me and now I feel bad. He been drinking beer and then he goes to mixed drinks and puts water in the mived drink. He doesn't measure anything he just pours. He told me that the water in the mixed drink is good because it dilutes it. Is he right. What is going to happen to him? He is also taking days off of work to be with his ex brother in law. Because he wants to play football and baseball with him. But it's more than that. They go to the park and drink and smoke. Should I write to the park commissoner about this and see if they can close all the parks for the winter? Please give me some advice.

WantsOut

You know I have a friend who got hodgkin's disease. The doctor told him he'd have a much better chance at survival if he quit smoking. He kept smoking. The cancer went away mostly, but in one place it held fast. As a last ditch effort they did an intensive treatment and told him he had to quit smoking or he was going to die. He kept smoking.

Now they've told him they've done all they can do and he will die within a year. He's not fighting for his health, for his life - he's still smoking and living his last days.

Smoking is not like alcoholism, but I think that some people just ... don't care. I can tell you're like me - I'd handle it completely differently. But they are adults and you can stop them so there you sit.

Hmmmm ... there you sit. You're not sick, are you? You haven't abused your liver. So, what are you going to do while he sits in the basement or at the park exercising his right to ignore the doctor's orders?

StandingStrong

There is nothing you can do about this Jet. As much as it pains you, the truth is that only your AH can stop using & abusing alcohol. Obviously his health is not a motivating factor for him to seek recovery.

Al Jet - what are you doing while he's spending all his time in the basement in his own la-la land?

So, tell me Jet - what are you getting out of this relationship? He doesn't spend time with you and doesn't want to do anything with you.
I can see how you'd feel sad, hurt, neglected, and many other feelings as I remember feeling those too.
But again - what are you getting out of this relationship?

Well, if the doctor's have told him to not use alcohol for 6 months and he has continued to do so, I'm betting that they've also told you what is going to happen to him. Alcoholism is a progressive disease Jet - so it's going to keep on progressing - unless he seeks recovery.

Well, here's another example of the progression in action. Now he's blowing off his job and responsibilities. His goal and aim for the day - to get drunk and stoned. Whether it's the basement, the park, alone or with someone. That's the main priority - his drug of choice.

Jet, as much as you wish that this would work, it wouldn't. And even if it did work, they'd only find another place to go. Or your husband and his ex bil would get busted and you'd then have a whole bunch more problems to deal with legally.


Please give me some advice.

Get to Alanon. Read all the "Stickies" on the top of the forum. Learn about codependancy, addiction, and the tools to find YOUR recovery.

mallowcup

You sound very scared for him. Two doctors told him not to drink. His health may start to dictate his activities. I know it's a hard thing to watch and live with. You take care of you and try to get to an alanon meeting. YOucan come here for support. Trust me the minute any one of figures our a way to stop them, you'll read it here first.

Godhelpme

(((Jet)))

Just wanted to give you a hug and let you know we're here for you.

With a good fight the park commissioners may close the park during the winter months....what then? He'll find somewhere else to go....back down to the basement where he spends lot of time anyway or some other place. He's going to do what he's going to do.

The bigger question here, the most important question for you is - what are you going to do for you?

Hugs to you!
~GHM

denny57

Hi jet.

What is going to happen to YOU might be a better question. What are you doing to take care of you?

((()))

parentrecovers

hello jet,

nice to meet you, and i'm sorry for what you are going through. try alanon, it really helps me.

about your husband's disease -
you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you cannot control it.

blessings, k

queenteree

Jet,
It's the disease, it warps their thinking. My AH was told by his liver specialist he must stop drinking or he will die within 5 years. Do you think he has stopped? He's moderating it (yeah, right), "quit drinking" means "quit drinking", not cut down. But you see, he thinks he's invincible. That is what this disease does. It used to make me angry, resentful, I used to cry, beg and plead, etc. It drove me nuts, I felt like my world was falling apart.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. You really have to let go and let God, and that's the only way you are going to get through it. Please start taking care of yourself and try to detach with love, if possible. Keep posting and reading, and pretty soon, you'll be able to do it. Talk to you soon.
QT