Triggers Aren't Just For Guns
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Triggers Aren't Just For Guns
by The Collective MiSFiT
We've had triggers mentioned on 4 different boards recently so I went looking for information. This is what I found.
Trigger is defined in Webster's as "something that acts like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction". Everyone knows that on a gun the trigger is the part to which you apply pressure in order to fire the bullet. What a lot of people don't know is what triggers are to and for trauma survivors. The human body and mind are awesome. They remember the tiniest details of events that took place so long ago we might not even remember they existed most of the time. For trauma survivors triggers are situations, sounds, smells, words (spoken or in print), feelings, or anything else that remind our body and/or mind of a traumatic experience.
The tricky thing about trauma triggers, is that if we don't know *what* they are we may not know that we've been triggered. That causes us to react to a situation in the now (when unknowingly triggered) with all the intensity we were feeling during the actual trauma, and we don't even have a clue that we're reacting to so much more than the situation at hand. We can't even tell you how many times we actually realized we were experiencing far too intense of feelings for the situations at hand without a single clue as to why or what to do about it. The result of course was that we did nothing more than continue to put the entire reaction on the situation in the now where it did not belong.
It's so sad to say, but when many survivors finally begin to learn about triggers they set out to avoid them. They seem to think that knowledge alone can save them. We actually participated in a group therp at one point for a brief time where the goal and purpose of the group was to teach survivors how to identify trigger reactions thereby eventually identifying the triggers themselves and then using this information to learn to avoid triggers. In our opinion this is nothing more than someone trying to run from a tornado while heading the same direction as the tornado. It's going to catch up to them. The only way to escape a tornado is to turn a sharp right or left and get out of its path.
If you were raped and the person that raped you was wearing a red shirt the color red could very well become a trigger for you. How likely is it that you can go through life avoiding the color red? If you became aware of that trigger would you opt to stop driving your car because of red lights and stop signs? That just doesn't seem like any kind of solution to us. No, knowledge alone cannot save us, but knowledge is power. The only healthy way to escape the destruction that triggers can cause us to unknowingly bring upon our lives is to take away their power!
IDENTIFYING TRIGGER REACTIONS -=- The first step in identifying most triggers is actually identifying trigger reactions. With "things" it tends to be easier than in relationships with other people. Let's say you walk by a store that has a doll in the window and glance in the window. Perhaps when you see the doll you begin to feel intense feelings of panic or anger (or anything else seemingly inappropriate to the situation). It would be a very good hypothesis to say that might very well be a trigger reaction.
In relationships there are much more gray areas to identifying trigger reactions. A simple conversation turns ugly because your partner says something the "wrong" way, or raises their voice, or gets a certain look on their face, any of which then raise intense feelings in you that you might even feel are quite justified. An impromptu hug causes you to panic and you get defensive and a fight erupts when asked why you didn't hug back. In these situations if you were an objective onlooker that could see what you were feeling, how you were reacting, and what started it all you would perhaps be able to spot not only the trigger reactions, but the triggers also right away.
Since we can't often be objective when we're feeling intense feelings, the key is learning that if our reaction to a situation, object, smell, or taste is more intense or severe than that situation warrants then what you have is a trigger reaction. Being the mere humans that we are, it sometimes takes much work to come to the place where we can understand and accept at the time that we are having trigger reactions. The first step is being able to look back and realize it. The next step is beginning to catch it right after it's happened again. Then eventually we then we begin noticing it while it's happening. The goal here is to catch it right before it begins, and prevent it.
IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS -=- Identifying trigger reactions is only the first step. If we are to ever catch our trigger reactions right before they begin and prevent them, then we must begin identifying the triggers themselves. Once we begin to identify the trigger reactions we have to follow it back to its source. This can be very difficult and tricky because our minds/bodies and time are so *good* at tucking away difficult memories for us. It would be easy, for example, to notice our reaction to a smell that we knew reminded us of someone we'd recently lost. But what if it's someone you lost when you were very small whom you barely remember let alone what cologne they wore?
Another difficulty to identifying triggers is that many seem to effect us more as a "delayed reaction" than instantaneously. Ever cry at a touching movie or get moved by a song and wake up the next morning extremely angry, agitated, or depressed with no clue why? How about a spat in which some harsh words were said with a co-worker that suddenly begins bothering you six months later even though the spat was settled and sincere apologies were made? By then you might not even remember what was said exactly that bothered you so much.
Sometimes we've had to pick apart situations for days and weeks after identifying the trigger reaction, in order to finally identify the trigger. The single most difficult hurdle for us to overcome in identifying triggers was taking responsibility for our own feelings. It's so comfortable for us to say "You made me angry." or "You hurt my feelings." when the reality is that nobody can make us feel anything. We feel how we feel based on a lifetime of feelings and experiences. The reality is more like "When you did that I felt angry." or "When you said that my feelings were hurt." Taking responsibility for our own feelings in this way puts the focus on the only person we can change.
DEALING WITH TRIGGERS -=- If you thought that the first two were difficult, you're not alone. This is difficult work. However, identifying trigger reactions and then triggers is not enough. They lay a foundation and ready us for the next step towards preventing trigger reactions all together by taking the power from our triggers. As we said earlier knowledge is power, but power is pointless if you don't use it to your advantage. Dealing with our triggers requires more tools than knowledge and willingness, because dealing with them requires us to trace them back to their source and deal with the trauma that gave them to us.
This is surely the heart of the healing process. The most difficult work lies ahead, but the work that brings us to this point has surely strengthened us because as Nietszche said "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
We've had triggers mentioned on 4 different boards recently so I went looking for information. This is what I found.
Trigger is defined in Webster's as "something that acts like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction". Everyone knows that on a gun the trigger is the part to which you apply pressure in order to fire the bullet. What a lot of people don't know is what triggers are to and for trauma survivors. The human body and mind are awesome. They remember the tiniest details of events that took place so long ago we might not even remember they existed most of the time. For trauma survivors triggers are situations, sounds, smells, words (spoken or in print), feelings, or anything else that remind our body and/or mind of a traumatic experience.
The tricky thing about trauma triggers, is that if we don't know *what* they are we may not know that we've been triggered. That causes us to react to a situation in the now (when unknowingly triggered) with all the intensity we were feeling during the actual trauma, and we don't even have a clue that we're reacting to so much more than the situation at hand. We can't even tell you how many times we actually realized we were experiencing far too intense of feelings for the situations at hand without a single clue as to why or what to do about it. The result of course was that we did nothing more than continue to put the entire reaction on the situation in the now where it did not belong.
It's so sad to say, but when many survivors finally begin to learn about triggers they set out to avoid them. They seem to think that knowledge alone can save them. We actually participated in a group therp at one point for a brief time where the goal and purpose of the group was to teach survivors how to identify trigger reactions thereby eventually identifying the triggers themselves and then using this information to learn to avoid triggers. In our opinion this is nothing more than someone trying to run from a tornado while heading the same direction as the tornado. It's going to catch up to them. The only way to escape a tornado is to turn a sharp right or left and get out of its path.
If you were raped and the person that raped you was wearing a red shirt the color red could very well become a trigger for you. How likely is it that you can go through life avoiding the color red? If you became aware of that trigger would you opt to stop driving your car because of red lights and stop signs? That just doesn't seem like any kind of solution to us. No, knowledge alone cannot save us, but knowledge is power. The only healthy way to escape the destruction that triggers can cause us to unknowingly bring upon our lives is to take away their power!
IDENTIFYING TRIGGER REACTIONS -=- The first step in identifying most triggers is actually identifying trigger reactions. With "things" it tends to be easier than in relationships with other people. Let's say you walk by a store that has a doll in the window and glance in the window. Perhaps when you see the doll you begin to feel intense feelings of panic or anger (or anything else seemingly inappropriate to the situation). It would be a very good hypothesis to say that might very well be a trigger reaction.
In relationships there are much more gray areas to identifying trigger reactions. A simple conversation turns ugly because your partner says something the "wrong" way, or raises their voice, or gets a certain look on their face, any of which then raise intense feelings in you that you might even feel are quite justified. An impromptu hug causes you to panic and you get defensive and a fight erupts when asked why you didn't hug back. In these situations if you were an objective onlooker that could see what you were feeling, how you were reacting, and what started it all you would perhaps be able to spot not only the trigger reactions, but the triggers also right away.
Since we can't often be objective when we're feeling intense feelings, the key is learning that if our reaction to a situation, object, smell, or taste is more intense or severe than that situation warrants then what you have is a trigger reaction. Being the mere humans that we are, it sometimes takes much work to come to the place where we can understand and accept at the time that we are having trigger reactions. The first step is being able to look back and realize it. The next step is beginning to catch it right after it's happened again. Then eventually we then we begin noticing it while it's happening. The goal here is to catch it right before it begins, and prevent it.
IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS -=- Identifying trigger reactions is only the first step. If we are to ever catch our trigger reactions right before they begin and prevent them, then we must begin identifying the triggers themselves. Once we begin to identify the trigger reactions we have to follow it back to its source. This can be very difficult and tricky because our minds/bodies and time are so *good* at tucking away difficult memories for us. It would be easy, for example, to notice our reaction to a smell that we knew reminded us of someone we'd recently lost. But what if it's someone you lost when you were very small whom you barely remember let alone what cologne they wore?
Another difficulty to identifying triggers is that many seem to effect us more as a "delayed reaction" than instantaneously. Ever cry at a touching movie or get moved by a song and wake up the next morning extremely angry, agitated, or depressed with no clue why? How about a spat in which some harsh words were said with a co-worker that suddenly begins bothering you six months later even though the spat was settled and sincere apologies were made? By then you might not even remember what was said exactly that bothered you so much.
Sometimes we've had to pick apart situations for days and weeks after identifying the trigger reaction, in order to finally identify the trigger. The single most difficult hurdle for us to overcome in identifying triggers was taking responsibility for our own feelings. It's so comfortable for us to say "You made me angry." or "You hurt my feelings." when the reality is that nobody can make us feel anything. We feel how we feel based on a lifetime of feelings and experiences. The reality is more like "When you did that I felt angry." or "When you said that my feelings were hurt." Taking responsibility for our own feelings in this way puts the focus on the only person we can change.
DEALING WITH TRIGGERS -=- If you thought that the first two were difficult, you're not alone. This is difficult work. However, identifying trigger reactions and then triggers is not enough. They lay a foundation and ready us for the next step towards preventing trigger reactions all together by taking the power from our triggers. As we said earlier knowledge is power, but power is pointless if you don't use it to your advantage. Dealing with our triggers requires more tools than knowledge and willingness, because dealing with them requires us to trace them back to their source and deal with the trauma that gave them to us.
This is surely the heart of the healing process. The most difficult work lies ahead, but the work that brings us to this point has surely strengthened us because as Nietszche said "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
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Grounding, Expression, And Containment
by The Collective MiSFiT
When you are healing from trauma, whether you are identifying trigger reactions, identifying triggers, or dealing with the actual trauma that caused those triggers in the first place, we feel that there are some tools that are useful and necessary. Here we will address grounding, expression, and containment. In our experience these tools seem to be most effectively used in conjunction with one another. Therefore, we have chosen to write about all three of them together.
WHAT IS GROUNDING? -=- Grounding is being, or the act of becoming, well rooted or anchored in the present day current situation. An excellent example of this would be the flower with its roots deep in the soil. It is well grounded and will not succumb to the wind or rain as easily as one that is not grounded.
Grounding is very important, because often when we are doing trauma-healing work it can be difficult to remember that we are in present day and the trauma we are processing is not actually happening to us now. It is also difficult at times to leave the healing work behind in therp and have the ability to focus on life between sessions. Grounding helps tremendously with these tasks, and therefore keeps the work (and life in general) from becoming too overwhelming.
Here are some suggestions of tangible ways to ground:
Sit with your feet flat on the floor and your back straight. Focus on breathing deeply. In our experience body positioning and awareness are very essential for grounding.
Utilize one or more of your five senses, noting the difference between present day and remembered sensations. Try to focus on the more pleasant present day sensations.
See - Look around and really see the familiar surroundings such as a picture of a loved one, a book you are reading, or a piece of art.
Hear - Listen closely to the sounds around you such as children playing, traffic on the street, birds singing, or a favorite radio station.
Smell - Concentrate on a strong but pleasant odor such as a flower, perfume, scented candle, bubble gum, or peanut butter.
Taste - Again, the most helpful would be a strong but pleasant taste such as bubble gum, candy, peanut butter, or a favorite food.
Feel - Touch can be extremely grounding for us but the type tends to vary according to the type of the grounding need.
Gentle and safe touch from a partner, friend, therp, or child. (This is a good way to receive comfort in addition to getting grounded, so we call this Comfort Ground.)
Rub the soft fur of a stuffed animal or silk material. Work with clay. Touch your own face. (These are for any type of grounding need, so we call these General Grounds.)
Rub an ice cube or cold drink on your wrist or face. (This is very helpful when you urgently need to jolt yourself back to the present, so we call this Urgent Ground.)
(A note of caution: as helpful as touch can be in grounding it can also serve as a trigger, especially if it is unexpected.)
Remind yourself of the current year, your current age, and even your current location (city or state) if the location of the trauma differs from your current location.
We try to plan ahead by practicing grounding in less intense situations. This is a good way to find out what might work best for us so we know what to do when we really need it to prevent being re-traumatized during our healing process. Also, we find it very helpful to discuss grounding techniques and share what we learn works best for us with our partner, support system, and therp so they can most effectively help us when the need arises.
WHAT IS EXPRESSION? -=- Expression is simply the act of giving our feelings and experiences a voice. Often times when there is a major tragedy in which a lot of people are traumatized (earthquake, train wreck) the survivors are allowed and even encouraged to talk about what happened as much as they need to. They call their friends and family, they're on the news being interviewed, and they're on talk shows. Unfortunately, when it comes to abuse trauma, silence is often the rule. The abused are disallowed expression of the events that took place as well as the many (often conflicting) feelings that the events caused. This can be very crippling.
Those feelings and experiences don't just cease to exist, even if they become repressed and seemingly forgotten for many years, because the human mind and body do not forget. Triggers exist everywhere and as the result even repressed trauma will rear its head and demand to be dealt with. Therefore, whether the traumas were only stuffed or they were completely repressed, expression of those feelings and experiences is extremely important in the healing process.
When you are healing from trauma, whether you are identifying trigger reactions, identifying triggers, or dealing with the actual trauma that caused those triggers in the first place, we feel that there are some tools that are useful and necessary. Here we will address grounding, expression, and containment. In our experience these tools seem to be most effectively used in conjunction with one another. Therefore, we have chosen to write about all three of them together.
WHAT IS GROUNDING? -=- Grounding is being, or the act of becoming, well rooted or anchored in the present day current situation. An excellent example of this would be the flower with its roots deep in the soil. It is well grounded and will not succumb to the wind or rain as easily as one that is not grounded.
Grounding is very important, because often when we are doing trauma-healing work it can be difficult to remember that we are in present day and the trauma we are processing is not actually happening to us now. It is also difficult at times to leave the healing work behind in therp and have the ability to focus on life between sessions. Grounding helps tremendously with these tasks, and therefore keeps the work (and life in general) from becoming too overwhelming.
Here are some suggestions of tangible ways to ground:
Sit with your feet flat on the floor and your back straight. Focus on breathing deeply. In our experience body positioning and awareness are very essential for grounding.
Utilize one or more of your five senses, noting the difference between present day and remembered sensations. Try to focus on the more pleasant present day sensations.
See - Look around and really see the familiar surroundings such as a picture of a loved one, a book you are reading, or a piece of art.
Hear - Listen closely to the sounds around you such as children playing, traffic on the street, birds singing, or a favorite radio station.
Smell - Concentrate on a strong but pleasant odor such as a flower, perfume, scented candle, bubble gum, or peanut butter.
Taste - Again, the most helpful would be a strong but pleasant taste such as bubble gum, candy, peanut butter, or a favorite food.
Feel - Touch can be extremely grounding for us but the type tends to vary according to the type of the grounding need.
Gentle and safe touch from a partner, friend, therp, or child. (This is a good way to receive comfort in addition to getting grounded, so we call this Comfort Ground.)
Rub the soft fur of a stuffed animal or silk material. Work with clay. Touch your own face. (These are for any type of grounding need, so we call these General Grounds.)
Rub an ice cube or cold drink on your wrist or face. (This is very helpful when you urgently need to jolt yourself back to the present, so we call this Urgent Ground.)
(A note of caution: as helpful as touch can be in grounding it can also serve as a trigger, especially if it is unexpected.)
Remind yourself of the current year, your current age, and even your current location (city or state) if the location of the trauma differs from your current location.
We try to plan ahead by practicing grounding in less intense situations. This is a good way to find out what might work best for us so we know what to do when we really need it to prevent being re-traumatized during our healing process. Also, we find it very helpful to discuss grounding techniques and share what we learn works best for us with our partner, support system, and therp so they can most effectively help us when the need arises.
WHAT IS EXPRESSION? -=- Expression is simply the act of giving our feelings and experiences a voice. Often times when there is a major tragedy in which a lot of people are traumatized (earthquake, train wreck) the survivors are allowed and even encouraged to talk about what happened as much as they need to. They call their friends and family, they're on the news being interviewed, and they're on talk shows. Unfortunately, when it comes to abuse trauma, silence is often the rule. The abused are disallowed expression of the events that took place as well as the many (often conflicting) feelings that the events caused. This can be very crippling.
Those feelings and experiences don't just cease to exist, even if they become repressed and seemingly forgotten for many years, because the human mind and body do not forget. Triggers exist everywhere and as the result even repressed trauma will rear its head and demand to be dealt with. Therefore, whether the traumas were only stuffed or they were completely repressed, expression of those feelings and experiences is extremely important in the healing process.
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cont....
Here are some suggestions of tangible ways to express:
Talking - Break the rules of silence and tell safe people in your present what happened. Tell as much (down to the last detail) or as little (general summary) as you need, and keep telling it until the need to tell it subsides. Tell how you felt at the time and tell how you feel when you talk about it now.
Writing - Write about what happened, how you felt, and how you feel about it now in a private journal. Write poetry. Write letters to the person you were when the trauma took place. Write letters to the abusers.
Artwork - Draw, pastel, or paint pictures. Sculpt (this tends to be very helpful to grounding as well as expression) with clay. Artwork can give our feelings a shape and form in addition to getting them out of us.
Crying - Give yourself permission to cry. Sometimes there are no words to write or speak, and there isn't any art to create; there are only tears to cry. Tears express what words and pictures can't, and cleanse the body and soul as well.
Anger can be expressed in the ways listed, as well, but anger might also require some extra expression techniques. It seems like often times survivors who have not confronted this issue can be grouped into one of two categories. There are those who are angry as hell about what happened to them and put their anger all over everyone, and there are those who are not angry and in many cases cannot be angry about what happened to them and often suffer instead from depression. We have the right to be angry and we have very valid reasons to be angry.
The trick is learning to control that anger instead of allowing it to control us and consequently ruin our lives. The first step is finding the anger (for those who have not) and validating our right to feel it. The next step is learning to let some of it out safely. In our opinion it is very important that when we let some of our anger out it should not be allowed to be destructive to people or property, lest we become similar to those who hurt us as the result of the anger they left behind.
Physical Activity - Usually the more strenuous the activity the better, such as batting cages, hitting and/or kicking a punching bag, bicycling, soccer, and throwing ice cubes.
The wonderful thing about anger is that, when properly controlled and expressed, it can be extremely energizing and fuel the healing process along with serving to protect us from further harm in the future.
WHAT IS CONTAINMENT? -=- Containment is an act of restraining or controlling. In healing it means to contain the healing work to the best and safest times. Containment should not be mistaken for repression or stuffing. It is temporary, often with a very specific set time limit such as the next scheduled therp session or a visit with a supporter. Often we try to keep a small piece of the work uncontained to process between sessions.
Containment, like grounding, makes it possible to focus on life between therp sessions and keeps our healing work or life in general from overwhelming us. Additionally and perhaps more importantly containment gives us control over our own healing process as well as the rest of our lives. Control is not something that survivors had when they were being abused, therefore it can be very important for us to have control in and of our healing process.
Here are some suggestions of tangible ways to contain:
Internal forms of containment we've used...
Visualize the piece of work (feelings, memory, etc) or all but a small part of it going into a box in your mind. Label ("do not open until...") the internal box. Place the internal box on a shelf. Walk away.
Visualize an internal safe, with a specially made timer lock. Place the piece of work into the safe. Set the lock for the time of your next therp session or visit with a supporter. Close and lock the safe.
External forms of containment we've used...
Write down key words from the piece of work on a piece of paper. Put the piece of paper in a small box. Write opening instructions ("do not open until...") on the box. Place the box in the top of a closet or under a bed or some other place it won't be seen all of the time. Walk away.
A combination of the two forms of containment would be to visualize merely leaving the piece of work with a therp or supporter until the next time.
These issues surface when they are ready to be confronted and we are ready to confront them, whether we feel ready or not. It is very important to schedule time for expression, when containment is used, and not to allow the issue to be forgotten about. In our experience the only purpose that this sort of intentional repression serves is to delay the inevitable. Unfortunately, it is often the case that when we try to avoid it in this way, it does resurface and demand to be dealt with and usually at the most inconvenient time possible.
Please note that the suggestions contained here are ONLY suggestions. While the principles of grounding, expression, and containment are sound therapeutic principles, the suggestions here of specific ways to do these things are mere suggestions from our personal experience. As the result of everyone being so different what works for us might not work for you and vice versa.
Here are some suggestions of tangible ways to express:
Talking - Break the rules of silence and tell safe people in your present what happened. Tell as much (down to the last detail) or as little (general summary) as you need, and keep telling it until the need to tell it subsides. Tell how you felt at the time and tell how you feel when you talk about it now.
Writing - Write about what happened, how you felt, and how you feel about it now in a private journal. Write poetry. Write letters to the person you were when the trauma took place. Write letters to the abusers.
Artwork - Draw, pastel, or paint pictures. Sculpt (this tends to be very helpful to grounding as well as expression) with clay. Artwork can give our feelings a shape and form in addition to getting them out of us.
Crying - Give yourself permission to cry. Sometimes there are no words to write or speak, and there isn't any art to create; there are only tears to cry. Tears express what words and pictures can't, and cleanse the body and soul as well.
Anger can be expressed in the ways listed, as well, but anger might also require some extra expression techniques. It seems like often times survivors who have not confronted this issue can be grouped into one of two categories. There are those who are angry as hell about what happened to them and put their anger all over everyone, and there are those who are not angry and in many cases cannot be angry about what happened to them and often suffer instead from depression. We have the right to be angry and we have very valid reasons to be angry.
The trick is learning to control that anger instead of allowing it to control us and consequently ruin our lives. The first step is finding the anger (for those who have not) and validating our right to feel it. The next step is learning to let some of it out safely. In our opinion it is very important that when we let some of our anger out it should not be allowed to be destructive to people or property, lest we become similar to those who hurt us as the result of the anger they left behind.
Physical Activity - Usually the more strenuous the activity the better, such as batting cages, hitting and/or kicking a punching bag, bicycling, soccer, and throwing ice cubes.
The wonderful thing about anger is that, when properly controlled and expressed, it can be extremely energizing and fuel the healing process along with serving to protect us from further harm in the future.
WHAT IS CONTAINMENT? -=- Containment is an act of restraining or controlling. In healing it means to contain the healing work to the best and safest times. Containment should not be mistaken for repression or stuffing. It is temporary, often with a very specific set time limit such as the next scheduled therp session or a visit with a supporter. Often we try to keep a small piece of the work uncontained to process between sessions.
Containment, like grounding, makes it possible to focus on life between therp sessions and keeps our healing work or life in general from overwhelming us. Additionally and perhaps more importantly containment gives us control over our own healing process as well as the rest of our lives. Control is not something that survivors had when they were being abused, therefore it can be very important for us to have control in and of our healing process.
Here are some suggestions of tangible ways to contain:
Internal forms of containment we've used...
Visualize the piece of work (feelings, memory, etc) or all but a small part of it going into a box in your mind. Label ("do not open until...") the internal box. Place the internal box on a shelf. Walk away.
Visualize an internal safe, with a specially made timer lock. Place the piece of work into the safe. Set the lock for the time of your next therp session or visit with a supporter. Close and lock the safe.
External forms of containment we've used...
Write down key words from the piece of work on a piece of paper. Put the piece of paper in a small box. Write opening instructions ("do not open until...") on the box. Place the box in the top of a closet or under a bed or some other place it won't be seen all of the time. Walk away.
A combination of the two forms of containment would be to visualize merely leaving the piece of work with a therp or supporter until the next time.
These issues surface when they are ready to be confronted and we are ready to confront them, whether we feel ready or not. It is very important to schedule time for expression, when containment is used, and not to allow the issue to be forgotten about. In our experience the only purpose that this sort of intentional repression serves is to delay the inevitable. Unfortunately, it is often the case that when we try to avoid it in this way, it does resurface and demand to be dealt with and usually at the most inconvenient time possible.
Please note that the suggestions contained here are ONLY suggestions. While the principles of grounding, expression, and containment are sound therapeutic principles, the suggestions here of specific ways to do these things are mere suggestions from our personal experience. As the result of everyone being so different what works for us might not work for you and vice versa.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 84
"Trigger" is sex
hi everyone...I don't know if I am on the right subject here but....
I was reading about triggers and I know that for many, many reasons, Sex is a huge freight for me. I am sure that many of you can guess why. It was taken away from me at such a tender age (about 2-3 years old) and didn't stop until I met my childrens father at 17 years old. From my brother- in-law, to the guy I babysat for, and friends of my brothers. Everybody always hand fed me drugs so that they could get there way. By the time I was 12 years old I had become some kind of paranoid person. I never addressed these issues and still need to find a place in my heart to open up. I know that the reason for my drug abuse all of these years was to hide behind them. When I was heavily sedated, nothing bothered me with sex. I conquered all. Now that I have been drug free for many years....I find it very hard to get intimate. Thank God that I have a understanding husband who has much patience with me.
But yes.....Sex is definately the trigger for me!!
I was reading about triggers and I know that for many, many reasons, Sex is a huge freight for me. I am sure that many of you can guess why. It was taken away from me at such a tender age (about 2-3 years old) and didn't stop until I met my childrens father at 17 years old. From my brother- in-law, to the guy I babysat for, and friends of my brothers. Everybody always hand fed me drugs so that they could get there way. By the time I was 12 years old I had become some kind of paranoid person. I never addressed these issues and still need to find a place in my heart to open up. I know that the reason for my drug abuse all of these years was to hide behind them. When I was heavily sedated, nothing bothered me with sex. I conquered all. Now that I have been drug free for many years....I find it very hard to get intimate. Thank God that I have a understanding husband who has much patience with me.
But yes.....Sex is definately the trigger for me!!
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Hi Trish,
I'm sorry you were used as a child in such a horrible way. These are hard issues to tackle on your own. When you're ready maybe sexual abuse counseling would be helpful and give you the support you need to deal with all of this.
It's wonderful that your husband is so understanding. That in itself will help you with healing.
Congratulations on your recovery from drugs. Please feel free to post here.
Hugs,
MG
I'm sorry you were used as a child in such a horrible way. These are hard issues to tackle on your own. When you're ready maybe sexual abuse counseling would be helpful and give you the support you need to deal with all of this.
It's wonderful that your husband is so understanding. That in itself will help you with healing.
Congratulations on your recovery from drugs. Please feel free to post here.
Hugs,
MG
Paused
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: cypress ca.
Posts: 10
reply to trish
i wasnt raped as a child i was 13 then 16(twice)i was almost raped and murdered when i was 17 and pregnant with my first child.sex really isnt a trigger for me although i do feel strangely often when the subject comes up,i dont like to talk about sex because of feeling"weird'maybe i have worked thru my stuff and dont even know it.i dont know,im rambling on ,but i wanted to say,in time,youll be able to work it out,find a phsyc.you can trust.it wont erase it all but it will help. you can email me if you want to talk.tanya
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 157
MG,
This is a perfect read for me today after today's session with counselor. I realized, just today, that I am unable to express anger. My family and friends have "encouraged" me to get angry with estranged AH, but I always laughed it off. My best friend has even had me copy her "mean" facial expression. We both laughed hysterically, but there is so much truth to it.
Today, my counselor, on my 4th visit, indicated that I need to get angry.....not in a destructive way, but I need to show my anger and learn to say NO.
The past two weeks have been filled with one revelation after another. I've always thought I had myself "together." Friends, family and co-workers always came to me with issues or problems because "....she has a terrific, well-balanced, happy life....successful home life and successful career." I've realized that I have been pretending for all of these years, and now I'm faced with addressing these issues about myself through this recovery process. I'm accepting the fact that I've been living a lie....living the life and desparately trying to create the fantasy life I've dreamed of. In effect, I am just as responsible for the current state of our marriage.....separated and struggling.....as my alcoholic husband is. That is a lot to swallow.
Another point in the document you shared is regarding time spent working on recovery. I've found it difficult to focus on anything but recovery these days. It is difficult to concentrate on work and fun activities with the kids. I need to work on that.
The grounding suggestions will be very helpful to me. I'm glad I came upon this today. Perfect timing.
S
p.s. There is no such thing as coincidence.
This is a perfect read for me today after today's session with counselor. I realized, just today, that I am unable to express anger. My family and friends have "encouraged" me to get angry with estranged AH, but I always laughed it off. My best friend has even had me copy her "mean" facial expression. We both laughed hysterically, but there is so much truth to it.
Today, my counselor, on my 4th visit, indicated that I need to get angry.....not in a destructive way, but I need to show my anger and learn to say NO.
The past two weeks have been filled with one revelation after another. I've always thought I had myself "together." Friends, family and co-workers always came to me with issues or problems because "....she has a terrific, well-balanced, happy life....successful home life and successful career." I've realized that I have been pretending for all of these years, and now I'm faced with addressing these issues about myself through this recovery process. I'm accepting the fact that I've been living a lie....living the life and desparately trying to create the fantasy life I've dreamed of. In effect, I am just as responsible for the current state of our marriage.....separated and struggling.....as my alcoholic husband is. That is a lot to swallow.
Another point in the document you shared is regarding time spent working on recovery. I've found it difficult to focus on anything but recovery these days. It is difficult to concentrate on work and fun activities with the kids. I need to work on that.
The grounding suggestions will be very helpful to me. I'm glad I came upon this today. Perfect timing.
S
p.s. There is no such thing as coincidence.
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