Peace...an uneasy feeling?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Peace...an uneasy feeling?
I'm starting to experience a new uneasy feeling. Maybe someone can relate?
It's been a very peaceful weekend and Monday, quiet New Years at home with family, I never called my ex and he didn't call me, no chaos, no worrying about anyone getting hurt or yelled at, I didn't feel needed, so in turn I now just feel a little blah and empty.
Granted, I don't want the chaos feeling, but the days have just been dragging and I guess I don't know how to relax and enjoy a good thing when it's right there in front of me. Does it just take time when you've finally accepted you don't want the chaos to accept the quiet, peacefulness of just being? Just like I tried to learn how to cope with living with my ex, do I just need to relearn how to live without the stress?
It's been a very peaceful weekend and Monday, quiet New Years at home with family, I never called my ex and he didn't call me, no chaos, no worrying about anyone getting hurt or yelled at, I didn't feel needed, so in turn I now just feel a little blah and empty.
Granted, I don't want the chaos feeling, but the days have just been dragging and I guess I don't know how to relax and enjoy a good thing when it's right there in front of me. Does it just take time when you've finally accepted you don't want the chaos to accept the quiet, peacefulness of just being? Just like I tried to learn how to cope with living with my ex, do I just need to relearn how to live without the stress?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
it was like that too, for me aztchr.
i had to re-learn what peacefullness was and how it felt. living with the effects of alcoholism had desensitized me profoundly....
i remember a friend coming over and setting with me one afternoon, while i was off work....she was filling in the office so i could have some time off....ah was off on a rip roaring tangent and we were seperated....my friend actually gave me instructions on doing things because i was so lost and "out there"...i was numb from all the pain.
she would say....get out the hose and water your flowers and garden.
like a robot, i would do it.
then she said....go take a long hot bath and wash your hair...i did that, too.
then she fixed me some hot tea, a sandwich, made me a comfy bed on my couch and put in a tape of ten commandments, fed my dog, and set me up a table my the couch with everything i could possibly want for the evening. she would check on me periodically.....and i slept the sleep of a sleep starved person.
she would call or come over everyday and make sure i did something for myself....even with me grumbling and growling the whole time.
one day, she hi-lighted my hair. another day, she made me paint my toenails. another day, she made me fix a lasagna. i didn't like her much then, cause i thought she was being like a drill sargent to me.
i was so broken, i could have cared less about painted toenails, lasagnas, and hi-lites. but she pushed, and pushed. and gradually, i started caring about things again. it started to feel natural to do things for myself, and it felt good.
i had no idea what people meant when they would say....what have you done for yourself today. i had to re-learn it all.
the chaos was gone, and i had nothing to replace it. hope this helps some.
love to you
jeri
i had to re-learn what peacefullness was and how it felt. living with the effects of alcoholism had desensitized me profoundly....
i remember a friend coming over and setting with me one afternoon, while i was off work....she was filling in the office so i could have some time off....ah was off on a rip roaring tangent and we were seperated....my friend actually gave me instructions on doing things because i was so lost and "out there"...i was numb from all the pain.
she would say....get out the hose and water your flowers and garden.
like a robot, i would do it.
then she said....go take a long hot bath and wash your hair...i did that, too.
then she fixed me some hot tea, a sandwich, made me a comfy bed on my couch and put in a tape of ten commandments, fed my dog, and set me up a table my the couch with everything i could possibly want for the evening. she would check on me periodically.....and i slept the sleep of a sleep starved person.
she would call or come over everyday and make sure i did something for myself....even with me grumbling and growling the whole time.
one day, she hi-lighted my hair. another day, she made me paint my toenails. another day, she made me fix a lasagna. i didn't like her much then, cause i thought she was being like a drill sargent to me.
i was so broken, i could have cared less about painted toenails, lasagnas, and hi-lites. but she pushed, and pushed. and gradually, i started caring about things again. it started to feel natural to do things for myself, and it felt good.
i had no idea what people meant when they would say....what have you done for yourself today. i had to re-learn it all.
the chaos was gone, and i had nothing to replace it. hope this helps some.
love to you
jeri
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Yeah, I have nothing super useful to add, aztchr, but FWIW, I can relate.
When my ex showed up unexpectedly this past weekend, one of the many emotions that ran through me instantaneously was that old excitement he brings. Now I know logically that that type of excitment is no good for me, and I'm trying to learn a new way of living, thinking, and relating to people. But there's definitely an adjustment period. I think in time the shift happens and we change our definitions of things, 'peace' no longer gets equated with 'blah,' etc. It reminds me of "What the Bleep Do We Know"-- a great movie for anyone who hasn't seen it. We're chemically addicted to certain feelings, including drama and chaos. This is a little of our own withdrawal symptoms, I think.
When my ex showed up unexpectedly this past weekend, one of the many emotions that ran through me instantaneously was that old excitement he brings. Now I know logically that that type of excitment is no good for me, and I'm trying to learn a new way of living, thinking, and relating to people. But there's definitely an adjustment period. I think in time the shift happens and we change our definitions of things, 'peace' no longer gets equated with 'blah,' etc. It reminds me of "What the Bleep Do We Know"-- a great movie for anyone who hasn't seen it. We're chemically addicted to certain feelings, including drama and chaos. This is a little of our own withdrawal symptoms, I think.
Unconditional love
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Mi
Posts: 84
Yes I think we all can relate to this one. We were a mess when we lived with our A's. Then when we were alone we were a mess again but in a different way. They say to take it one day at a time but I had a hard time taking it one hour at a time. Its hard to learn to live with time on your hands and no chaos. It takes a long time but it does get easier.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
I can relate too, and I still live with AH. He admits he has a problem (sort of), but still continues to think he can "control" his drinking.....so half-way there. But the tension is gone. I mean completely gone. It IS such a strange feeling....getting a glimpse of what "normal" really is (was). There is no drama, no arguements, no sneers, no tip-toeing around trying to not wake the beast, and more.
I find myself replying to everyone's posts now, because I have no drama of my own to start a new post.....a good thing
I will admit to reading a few posts and thinking "more drama", some live for that.....it's a hard cycle to break, but once it is broken.....it's great!
I find myself replying to everyone's posts now, because I have no drama of my own to start a new post.....a good thing
I will admit to reading a few posts and thinking "more drama", some live for that.....it's a hard cycle to break, but once it is broken.....it's great!
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