jackson123

I've done SO good not dealing with ABF after I kicked him out. So after 6 months now I have to deal with his family. They had bought us all new appliances when we moved into my new house. "MY HOUSE" because I bought it on my own.
Well now his parents want all the appliances back OR me to pay them full price. I opted to pay them. His mom is just being SO mean. It's hurtful. I know it shouldn't matter to me but it makes me angry AND sad that she hates me so much. She feels like I deserted in his time of need. We know that's crap.
I have to see her face to face to pay her. I'm nervous. I know I will cry. I thought of her as family.

Lisa

denny57

I'm sorry you have to go through this, jackson123. Why do you have to see her face to face? Couldn't a third party give her the cash or check?

Take care and don't let it get you down. A new year is coming and this will all soon be in your past. Enjoy your new home, one day at a time.

((()))

mazey

That stinks! But, just think of it as being "clear" of the influence. It does hurt to see "their family" when they don't see the big picture. If you cry, so what? You have a heart that was broken and still is obviously hurting. Maybe, you won't cry.... Be proud and strong that you have taken care of your self, and been able to have your own home and be responsible for it! Good for you.

lilac

I am sorry you are having to go through this............however, his mother very well may be in denial of her child's problem, or has no clue whatsoever.

Just remember, keep your head held high............She has not had to walk in YOUR shoes, now has she????

I will be praying for you....

jackson123

His mother knows that he is an alcoholic. He has lived with her most of his adult life. She's seen it all. After I kicked him out he was at her house for a week and they had an "intervention". He had gotten so wasted and they didn't know how. They searched and went through all of his stuff to find where he was hiding his booze.
They should have just called me. I know all his hiding places. And he agreed to not hit the bottle so hard. They accepted that. Just a couple after work. Well WE all kow how that went....

Thanks

embraced2000

she's probably panic-struck that she will end up with him again.

atalose

That's what it sounds like, she's panic-struck that she might have to deal with it all over again and that's why she may be angry towards you.
I'd go with the 3rd party giving her the money, save your emotions right now.

MsPINKAcres

((Jackson123)),
Hate that you are having this difficult time - hope that the pain will be lessened soon - I agree that you don't have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable - a third party might be a safe way to pay the bill - cash might be a bad option also - she could say she never received the money - a case of "her word vs your word" - Can you give her a money order? Keep the receipts? Keep a written record &/or receipts - just to protect yourself?

I would hate to see you have to pay for those appliances more than once. Better safe than sorry.

That is just my experiences in paying family members (or in-laws) - document, document, document.

Wishing you serenity,
Rita

HolyQow

His mom is his best enabler....let her continue to make excuses for him, it's no longer your problem (and wasn't before, but you had to deal with him).

Are there any agreements that you would pay for these appliances? (probably not). A gift is a gift.....and any judge would agree. I believe your ex is due half of those, and your exMIL is due nothing. It's up to him to fit that in the divorce, of the items he wants. I don't know of any divorce papers that say a mother-in-law gets anything!

It's just stuff, it can be replaced. Feelings can't be replaced, and I think that's what is really bothering you. I struggle with what my AH's family thinks of me sometimes too, but I also know how he is capable of lieing and manipulating ppl....and they are his victims too, and can't help what they think of me through his eyes....

JMO

HolyQow

oops, I just re-read, and you were never married. I think that is probably going to benefit you....your house/your appliances. He might not deserve any of it.

I wish my AHs mom would have bought me appliances after we got together.....her mistake, she knew better, she knew how her son was/is, and it was almost like she was buying you stuff to take/keep him! I think his mother made a huge mistake, and maybe she will learn from it if you don't pay her anything

StandingStrong

jackson, as painful as it is, this happens often. When a relationship falls apart, there becomes a wedge between the family & friends of the couple. While a few will keep both parties in their lives, it seems that most are divided and come away somewhat choosing one party over the other. His mom has chosen him, and that's really pretty normal. Regardless what her son does or doesn't do, he is her son and she loves him. And despite whatever her motivations are for feeling as she does or doing what she does, that's her choice.

As was stated above - you don't have to deal with his family. But something for you to remember - you DO have choices. You may not like the choices available, but you do have choices. However, there are other ways around paying this money to the mother without having to see her face to face. You could always mail the payments - and I'd definately use checks or money orders to track the payments - or as was suggested, you could use a third party to run interference. You could return the appliances to her - and get some on your own so as to not have to deal with her at all. There are many ways in which you can/could handle this. It's really just up to you on how you want to do this.

mallowcup

If they can blame you, they don't have to blame him. I'm sure he is helping them to believe you let him down,"If you had just stuck by him..quack, quack,quack." My ex mother-in-law was "fragile". To me being fragile was a luxury no one afforded me. I remember thinking, how nice to be fragile. My exs familywas mad because he became their problem all over again. Let's face it. An alcoholic is like a hot potato that relatives toss around hoping they aren't holding him/her when the music stops. If you can pay for the appliances, I'd pay for them but I don't see why you'd have to. Was the unspoken deal that if you were willing to hold the hot potato, you'd get prizes?

HolyQow

LMAO

That is the best/funniest description I've heard (and so TRUE!).