How to deal with the blame game
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: south lake tahoe,ca
Posts: 17
How to deal with the blame game
I seem to be having a hard time dealing with the A blaming me for everything, I know this is natural but what can I say in responce to her blaming me. This blame will even happen when she is sober, I try to walk away but this makes things more intence. I want to say look at your actions but this will just draw me in more. Any advice would be helpful, and I am so glad I found this board.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
She is still in Denial. No matter what you say, things will be tense on the home front for a while.
When she starts, become a broken record "Hey ____________ (honey, sweetie, whatever) when you point a finger at me, you have 3 pointing back at yourself."
Just keep repeating it. It might **** her off, but when she vents to others in the program or her sponsor they will say "yep, when you point a finger at him you got 3 pointing back at you."
She is really in a very ROUGH place right now. It can take a year or longer to have the 'fog' clear and to be really able to start looking at the REAL reality.
I hope for your sake you are attending some Al-anon meetings, it can only help you.
Love and hugs,
When she starts, become a broken record "Hey ____________ (honey, sweetie, whatever) when you point a finger at me, you have 3 pointing back at yourself."
Just keep repeating it. It might **** her off, but when she vents to others in the program or her sponsor they will say "yep, when you point a finger at him you got 3 pointing back at you."
She is really in a very ROUGH place right now. It can take a year or longer to have the 'fog' clear and to be really able to start looking at the REAL reality.
I hope for your sake you are attending some Al-anon meetings, it can only help you.
Love and hugs,
I can't save you
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cookville, TN
Posts: 104
well, i have the same problem with the blame game. Accually it's kind of strange to me how many people accually feel like i do, or go threw what i go threw.
the only advice i can give you is this..when you begin to blame yourself just remember that what she is doing was probally bound to happen weather she met you or not. But you are there, so she picks to blame you. At this moment you can't help her, you can only help yourself. You may love her but you have no control over her actions. Saving her is out of your hands.
but i do know, not matter what advice i give you, it's all easier said than done. && getting to the point where you are sacure enough to believe it has nothing to do with you will take time, but it is possible to get there.
the only advice i can give you is this..when you begin to blame yourself just remember that what she is doing was probally bound to happen weather she met you or not. But you are there, so she picks to blame you. At this moment you can't help her, you can only help yourself. You may love her but you have no control over her actions. Saving her is out of your hands.
but i do know, not matter what advice i give you, it's all easier said than done. && getting to the point where you are sacure enough to believe it has nothing to do with you will take time, but it is possible to get there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
