SarahOfTheShot

Blew it. On Day 18. I feel like a total looser. I didn't just 'kind of' blow it....I freaking ruined myself...I had a blackout. I am so disgusted with myself. I honestly cannot figure out where I got off track.

So, guess I'm starting over again. I've decided to revisit AA/Alanon, perhaps it can be a good resource for me. I have to get to the root of where this problem stems from before I can really tackle it head on...I think some of it is b/c I am a child of an alcoholic, thus I have like no idea what 'normal' drinking is (if there is such a thing?) And I don't cope very well stress.

sigh.

Man, relapsing totally sucks.

NYCGirl

Don't beat your self up, most of have been there. Just do as you said and continue on from where you left off. The new days will rack up fast.

My first date was June 11th -- had to chage it to July 1st.

I have a non admitted alcoholic father. had to take the bottle away from him tonight...he's 80.

his sister died of sirocis of the liver. mom sister did of a heart attack during a binge

That doesn't have to be me or you

Stay strong keep posting

Merry Christmas

tpx

yea it really does suck, know what ur goin thru. have 30 day clean and sober after a bad relapse. had 18 months good recovery. really beat the hell out of myself.(it didnt help) back to tryin to keep it simple

stay away from one drink for one day and the rest of it, is the rest of it.
good luck chalk it up to a learning expiernce and start over where ur at.

David 1

Don't feel bad about making a mistake and drinking - we have all been there! Learn from it and keep learning every day. Great idea to revisit AA and get to as many meetings as you can. At this point in your recovery you need the right kind of support that AA meetings can provide.

For me, the root of the situation was admitting to myself that I am powerless over alcohol!

My thoughts are with you!!!

chicago

welcome back. what happened is in the past and you can use that experience to benefit yourself and others. i would highly suggest attending AA meetings and getting a sponser. AA is a 12-step program and unless we work steps we are the same people weve always been except without the booze.

David 1

Hey chicago - your good!!!

NYCGirl

Hey Chicago, I want to be the same person I have always been just without the booze.

I like me as long as I am not drinking!

leviathon

Sarah, welcome back. I think to some extent I was the king of the slip. It was like everytime I turned around I'd slipped again. Man the first months were really disheartening b/c of all the slips. I do know that b/c I kept getting back up and stopping once more it eventually worked out that I was sober more than I was drunk and then I was sober for long periods of time.

Just don't give up. Learn from it, what triggered you? Were you planning it from the start (I was good at subconcsiously planning it)? What can you do differently?

For me it came down to the following: HALTS

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Stressed

When I wasn't managing those five things, I was a loose cannon waiting to go off.

Peace, Levi

chicago

i can only speak about myself. in my 4th/5th step i determined that a pattern in my behavior throughout life featured character defects (dishonest, inconsiderate, self-centered, etc). most people who work 4th/5th steps determine that they actual have some areas to improve on (character defects). but i cant speak for most people, just myself. what caused me to drink/use?

BigSis

I tried for ten years... really tried ... to drink "normal". It was too much fricken work, with absolutely no potential for success. I finally figured out - I am too lazy to drink. But it took being sober a while to figure that out.

I hope today is a good one for you. I pray you decide to stay sober today. I wish you well.

logo

Sarah: As long as you keep trying you still have a chance. You would be a loser if you gave up. So through all the pain you've got to keep your sense of humor. You've got to be able to smile through all of your trials and tribulations. Remember that. Keep your head up. Love and Respect

I'mready99

Merry Christmas Sarah...

You are definitely not a loser...

You had a slip, and you fell. The important thing is that you realized it, admitted it, and decided to start walking down the trail of sobriety again...

Many of us slip and fall many, many times before we stay balanced on this beam of sobriety...

Best of luck to you...

Make a vow to yourself that 2007 is going to be a sober year for you...

One day at a time.

Steve

MNGirlyGirl

Pick yourself up and brush yourself off. It's not usually a smooth ride in recovery. Just remember how much it sucked to relapse. It is a new day and a new chance to start a new life!!!!

searching

I noticed since I posted my 'back again" thread there have been several of us slip.. lets put our best foot forward and make the new year a new beginning to being sober, sure we will fall along the way but lets pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try, try again. Im so looking forward to the new year and what it brings, I hope you can to. Remember life is a journey, so lets try to enjoy the ride everyday we have... Merry Christmas!

SarahOfTheShot

Thanks all

I am sure the Holidays aren't helping either, I know that's an excuse but it does seem like a lot of people have a tough time during the Holidays for many reasons. Hmmm, I thought 'Holidays' were suppoed to be enjoyable? Go figure.

Anyway, I feel better today and ready to recommit. My fear now is that I am going to go through all that frustration and agony I went through the first two weeks...which was really not much fun, but I got to 18 days...I can get through another 18 and then move past that. Right?

YES!

Peace all...oh and Happy Holidays!

Hugs,
s

sober..finally

At one time Sarah I had 4 yrs. but I wasn't done. 6 yrs later I now have nine days. I am pretty excited about that. As posted earlier, Don't beat yourself up, usse this slip as a stepping stone.

Scot

hope3

Dear friend, sarah, my heart goes out to you.
I feel that you will get back up on that horse
and ride it till it bucks no more. In the mean time
have a merry christmas and try to focus on the good
things in your life, God bless. I'm betting on you and I'm
not a gambler. With Love Sharon L. alias Hope3.
P.s. Let go of it--------

johnclin

Addiction and relapse go together. It is hard to believe how hard the addiction demon is to avoid.

I'm sober 20 years and would strongly suggest that you grab on to AA for a while and enjoy the ride.

caladan

I guess we are at similar points in our struggle for sobriety. I made it to 14 days ( that's my record ) As others have told me ( and I'm sure you've heard, focus on the 18 days and not the one misstep. ) 18 days of not drinking is a whole lot more important than one night where you fell off the wagon. Best of luck, SOTS.Keep your head up, and keep on persevering.

Hope

Don't beat yourself up. I've been there before. Try not to get too discouraged. Learn your triggers and use this as an experience that will strengthen your recovery.

I'd recommend checking out meetings and getting phone numbers. When you get the urge to drink, pick up that phone and call someone instead of taking a drink.

Keep on moving forward. You are a winner! We're here for you!