TexasGirl

OK, I know I have heard all the reasons to not check his account, but I haven't stopped entirely. Not as frequently, yes. I'm weaning myself.

There are two more expensive dinners on there (wonder who he is out with), one of which was at a place I loved but couldn't get him to go to. But I do remember the one time we went there. Just like he did at every nicer restaurant we would go to, he would opt to look sophisticated and order the more expensive premium or import beer instead of the standard Bud Light. It used to drive me crazy, watching him pretend like his drinking was high class. I don't know why.

I have other restaurant memories...I remember sitting in Chili's with him, and he was sloshed. He had food all over his shirt, and that Skillet Queso dribbling off his chin. He wandered off to the bathroom and was gone for at least five minutes while I worried he might be passed out in there. I'll never forget the waiters quizzical look while AH slurred to them about how he was overcharged (wasn't...just trying to get something for free which I hated). I used to manipulate the restaurant situations...I had these elaborate schemes to try to prevent him from ordering another margarita. He often wanted to take me out to eat while he was drunk. I finally started telling him no.

Remembering all of that makes me sad for him...for us.
Nope, I don't miss those dinners...

Zoey

TG, Sorry gal, I understand, I would want to look, but why!
I will never really ever understand this tie that binds.
Things do get better the more we learn. You are doing great.
Thanks for shareing, you are and have been so honest with this difficult road . HUGS

CarolD

Dang! When I saw the title I thought

"Wow! TG is dining out!!"

That might be a good plan for fun these days.

Enjoy yourself...you are so worth a great future.

FriendofBill

What is the benefit you get fromdoing this?

Sounds like self torture.

embraced2000

mornin texasgirl
in early seperation, i did the same thing, too.

even tho we know it will just start our minds whirring into high gear, we find it hard to resist the temptation to "know" the gory little details.

i did it for awhile.....although "it" was different with me....my "it" was always trying to find out what shelter, half-way house, or otherwise he was living in.

what for?????? because then my sick need was fullfilled and i could soothe my own need for hurt with new input.

i understand so well why the temptation is so strong to check up on them......for me,it was like i would get a "fix" that i was wanting....just like the alcoholic.....i was hooked on the hurt, chaos.

i remember dinners out, too. he wouldn't go anywhere unless they served liqour......the whole time pretending he was treating me to the high class experience. that was before i knew what he was doing.

then my disease kicked in, and i would try to manipulate the situation so we could not dine at a wet restaurant.

that took a lot of work, ya know. a lot of planning, scheming, anxiety.

whew!!! i became almost as good as he was at manipulation.

take care
blessings
jeri

IrshIzNotSmilin

Hey TG, I posted and then lost it anyway... Darn too I thought you were on a hot date too. Gee... oh well. Please know that checking up is soooo normal I do it too. I also do this while i am doing it " What are you doing?" me to myself "Why are you doing this when you could be doing and focusing on something else?" So maybe that will help. And yucky on the dribbling food.LOL

denny57

This would go back to TG's other thread (the quote). I tortured myself until the pain wasn't worth it. It's what we discuss here all the time with the addict. I also knew there were things I shouldn't be doing. Now that I don't do them anymore, my life is so much better. It was a process to get there.

Cynay

Yep, had to do it too ... it is torture, but for me it was part of the illness when I was so sick with my ex-abf. I notice the healthier I get the better I get at taking care of me....

I have only driven by Mr. R's house once for no reason when the breakup first happened... I dont have the "need" to torture myself today. Progress not perfection and you did good in playing that tape all the way through with what is really the dinner experience.

lilac

Hey, TG .... I know the "need" we think we feel to "check up on them". Just be thankful you weren't in one of those horrible dinner situations with him.

TexasGirl

It is self-torture in a way, I guess. And yes, it is probably a process too. Right now, I feel like I need to get the full dose of it, so I can feel it and subsequently get over it. I think it will pass, I really do.

As for going out to dinner.....well......
this guy did ask me to go eat with him the Friday before last. I told him it would strictly be as friends. He agreed. I know I can't be 'dating' while I'm married, but I wanted to get out and maybe enjoy myself, and he seemed cool with the friends thing. Even as friends, you just know if you jive with someone, and we weren't (IMO). I got annoyed with him because he got turned around while driving, and I am 'direction girl.' And then he talked non-stop about grad school in a condescending way and spoke of his coursework in belated feudalism. Whatever. Anyway, so I told him I wanted to go home afterward, and he tried to kiss me. I was kind of shocked, so I just dodged. And he tried again!!! I thought we were just going out as friends! So much for that. I dodged again and said no. That's actually when the crying started that I mentioned on here before...if you recall, I said I had been crying since Friday. I'm not even ready to go out with a guy as friends. It was just too weird, and none of that again for a loooooooong while.

mallowcup

I enjoy going out by myself. I love coming and going when I want. I like driving myself to an from. I like leaving when I'm ready. I like stopping to shop or take a walk before or after.

Cynay

TG...

Dont use him as an example, he had other motivations. There are men out there you can just be friends with.... They do get it and will treat you with respect...

Remember it is no about you... BTW... I almost fell off my chair with the game of Dodge... OMG I have been there more times then I care to remember. That just cracks me up....

CatsTail

If you go out go Dutch Treat. Hang on to your independence.

Ngaire

FriendofBill

I found that if I want to heal, I have to stop picking at the scabs, as hard as that may be.

Woke up today after dreaming all night about my ex husband. Felt the need to "get" him to get help into treatment.

The "thought" of driving 100 miles to see him crept into my mind as a good idea...but I replaced that thought with alllllll the others I have been taught..."Ive got no power" and "Ive tried before, didnt work" and "Try detaching" and on and on and on.

So insted, I went to the tire store to see if they could fix my tire imbalance prob. Hey...wonder of the tire store can fix my codie imbalance problem too?

Doubt it...my tires are still wobbly. Just like me

Cynay

That is ok, wobbly works for right now....

At least we are not flat on our backside....