warriorprincess

Just wanted to say hi to everyone on the board. I know I haven't posted in a really long time, but all of you have been helpful to me along way -- even when I don't post I do read...

So my divorce was finalized on 10/19 and oh what a long 11 months it's been since I found out my AXH was back to his financial deception and lies. Since December I found out he was an alcoholic, closed a business, ended the marriage, started two different jobs, bought a little townhouse, and have been trying to sell my old house. Actually that doesn't look that bad on paper -- but it's been really really hard.

Even though we saw three marriages counselors, i went to three therapists, went to two psychiatrists, and even tried two antidepressants trying to keep the marriage together over the past four years, i still have friends that don't think i tried hard enough and those friendships have cooled.

the day after our divorce was finalized my AXH went to vegas with the best man from our wedding. last week i found out he is trying to go out with our kids' babysitter! a 24 year old girl and he's almost 41. he has a whole new wardrobe of ridiculous clothes, too.

why do i even care? why does it hurt? my therapist says i have to work on my codependency issues...

anyway, it's starting to sink in that even though we are no longer married (we were married for 15 years), unless he gets hit by a bus, i am still going to have to deal with him for a long time because of these kids.

i have to find a way to not let him get to me. i loved him once, but he disgusts me now. i hate what he did to our lives. i hate that he still gets to walk around and will never be punished.

i went to an al-anon meeting tonight at the suggestion of my therapist. everyone was nice and it was helpful, but i really do not like the whole hugging thing -- sorry!

does anyone have any words of wisdom? i am just emotionally exhausted tonight...

YYCGal

My divorce was the same hell as yours. $20K in legal bills, two houses (i'm in the 2nd and final one now) and 5 residences later (lived with all my girlfriends during this crap) I'm starting to figure my way out. I too seem to have co-dep issues and I'm not liking that I've learnt that.

My Al-Anon meetings have been my light at the end of the tunnel. If you don't like the hugging, just find another group. In my city, there are at least 10 held every day somewhere in the city. I'm not religious, but my 'spirit' is lifted during my meetings and for about 45 minutes, I have the serenity I seek.

Keep trying Al-Anon. Read the stuff, read 'co-dependence no more,' journal, do what ever you need to do.

MHO

LizzyP

I know Al-Anon has helped me, too. One thing that helped me at first was I would leave towards the end of the closing and before the prayer, that way I didn't have to be hugged. Do what you need to to take care of yourself right now, whatever that may mean for yourself. I know Al-Anon suggests you try at least six meetings before you decide if it is for you or not. As YYCGal mentioned, try different meetings. Every one is different.

denny57

keep going to al-anon; don't worry about the hugging - people will be sensitive to that and not push you. i'm glad to hear you are taking care of you!