Still Iffy About Steps 8 and 9
Life...It's What's For Dinner
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Cheyenne, WY
Posts: 45
Still Iffy About Steps 8 and 9
Still sitting on Step 7. Over the last month I have been going back and forth about going on in my step work. About a week ago I had two insights about my sponsors recovery. 1) She told me that she needs to work her steps...and that she is going crazy. I don't know if she is really going crazy or not but I do know her life is not in any major control right now. 2) I realized that in the past year she has lost two sponsees when they hit step 8. Both have left the fellowship, as far as I know one went back to using. Makes me wonder why exactly.
I know a lot of women who are in the program and they are either not doing step work or not going to meetings. I keep wondering why everyone is so BIG on me doing these things when someone else isn't doing them. I mean I know a girl who has 2 1/2 years clean, has a sponsor and has not comlpeted any step work, Ok step one, yes, but that's all. We had this big celebration for her when she got 2 years clean. Anyways, I know that I do not want to go back to using. And one thing I am not going to do is have a list of every place that I owe money to and to have to write them or call them and explain what I did and have to pay them back...I just can't afford it. It isn't like it is a ton of money or anything, but with the fees they tack on and all it does come out to around $200 or more per place I owe and I don't make that much money to be able to just plop it to them. Hubby, who is a part of the program says that I don't have to do that though, that it would in the end hurt me. I think my sponsor sees it differently though. Other then that everyone else that I owe an amends too is either my family, which I have done already or people that I used to use with...and they still all use so I am not going to try and find them and possibly get caught back up in it all.
I know a lot of women who are in the program and they are either not doing step work or not going to meetings. I keep wondering why everyone is so BIG on me doing these things when someone else isn't doing them. I mean I know a girl who has 2 1/2 years clean, has a sponsor and has not comlpeted any step work, Ok step one, yes, but that's all. We had this big celebration for her when she got 2 years clean. Anyways, I know that I do not want to go back to using. And one thing I am not going to do is have a list of every place that I owe money to and to have to write them or call them and explain what I did and have to pay them back...I just can't afford it. It isn't like it is a ton of money or anything, but with the fees they tack on and all it does come out to around $200 or more per place I owe and I don't make that much money to be able to just plop it to them. Hubby, who is a part of the program says that I don't have to do that though, that it would in the end hurt me. I think my sponsor sees it differently though. Other then that everyone else that I owe an amends too is either my family, which I have done already or people that I used to use with...and they still all use so I am not going to try and find them and possibly get caught back up in it all.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Sorry that you are having such a hard time with this but I do want to point out that we are responsible for our own recovery. We are not responsible for our sponsors or anyone else in the program, we worry about ourselves
Step 8 is pretty simple yes! "We made a list of all the persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all."
First off we just get out a pen and paper and start writing, sometimes if we are not willing to make amends we then need to pray for the willingness. No reason to even worry about step 9 until this one is done and over with. Hope that you take it easy on yourself and give yourself a break.
Love Vic
Step 8 is pretty simple yes! "We made a list of all the persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all."
First off we just get out a pen and paper and start writing, sometimes if we are not willing to make amends we then need to pray for the willingness. No reason to even worry about step 9 until this one is done and over with. Hope that you take it easy on yourself and give yourself a break.
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mississauga Ontario
Posts: 296
so,before making judgements on step 9,where you arent yet,truly pray.step seven is a process.
step work isnt paperwork
it should be the honest and humble practice of LIVING step seven.
using all the spiritual principles consistantly and repetively when the old defects try to do there dance.
that is how i had to practice that step,untill i was able to live it.
step work isnt paperwork
it should be the honest and humble practice of LIVING step seven.
using all the spiritual principles consistantly and repetively when the old defects try to do there dance.
that is how i had to practice that step,untill i was able to live it.
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
Still sitting on Step 7. Over the last month I have been going back and forth about going on in my step work. About a week ago I had two insights about my sponsors recovery. 1) She told me that she needs to work her steps...and that she is going crazy. I don't know if she is really going crazy or not but I do know her life is not in any major control right now. 2) I realized that in the past year she has lost two sponsees when they hit step 8. Both have left the fellowship, as far as I know one went back to using. Makes me wonder why exactly.
If you are looking for the person that is perfect, good luck with that, we are all human. So your sponsor in an addict, qualification is good. I don't see the part were we are responsable for others recovery in this program, Sponsorship is a Two-Way street any way.
Looking at 2 steps at a time is not a good idea. Step 8 first and then on to 9. Step 9 the most important thing I need to remeber is I am not others. Sitting on Step 7? Does this sound very Humble? Applying these steps is way more important than the writing aspect....
Peace,
Todd J.
Mending
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 299
Big NA (((Hugs))) To You, Inspiringmind!
I am very sad to hear that you are iffy about continuing your steps. I can guarantee you that there are no shortcuts in this program if you want to have true and lasting freedom from the disease of addiction.
I have sponsored women who refused to continue with their step work for various reasons, and yes, one woman stopped at exaxtly the same place that you are questioning, and yes, she too relapsed because of her lack of willingness to trust the process and her higher power.
Remember that the disease of addiction wants to plant the seed of doubt and fear inside our minds so that we begin to question the validity of our own journey in this program, and its goal is to see us destroyed or even dead. The longer we remain sitting on the fence, the greater the risk we take in getting comfortable there, forgetting of course, that the disease owns the fence.
On a personal note, I still have a substancial financial amends to make that will unlikely be made unless my financial situation improves dramatically. But, if that day ever comes, you can bet your bottom dollar
that I am willing to do it! I have learned that shirking my responsibilities only leads to feelings of quilt and inadequacy, which triggers me to close off my mind and go back to old ideas and behaviors. It never causes anything positive to happen.
I would like to encourage you to go back and re-read step 8 in 'It Works How And Why" and, somehow, find the courage to persevere despite how you are thinking about it now.
Peace
cj
I am very sad to hear that you are iffy about continuing your steps. I can guarantee you that there are no shortcuts in this program if you want to have true and lasting freedom from the disease of addiction.
I have sponsored women who refused to continue with their step work for various reasons, and yes, one woman stopped at exaxtly the same place that you are questioning, and yes, she too relapsed because of her lack of willingness to trust the process and her higher power.
Remember that the disease of addiction wants to plant the seed of doubt and fear inside our minds so that we begin to question the validity of our own journey in this program, and its goal is to see us destroyed or even dead. The longer we remain sitting on the fence, the greater the risk we take in getting comfortable there, forgetting of course, that the disease owns the fence.
On a personal note, I still have a substancial financial amends to make that will unlikely be made unless my financial situation improves dramatically. But, if that day ever comes, you can bet your bottom dollar
that I am willing to do it! I have learned that shirking my responsibilities only leads to feelings of quilt and inadequacy, which triggers me to close off my mind and go back to old ideas and behaviors. It never causes anything positive to happen.I would like to encourage you to go back and re-read step 8 in 'It Works How And Why" and, somehow, find the courage to persevere despite how you are thinking about it now.
Peace
cj
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Well forgive me cuz I do not know a whole lot about NA but I thought the only requirement to participate in meetings was the will to stay clean? As long as you manage to stay clean, does it really matter how much of the steps you work, or not? Isn't that what 'Take what you like and leave the rest' is about?
Marte
Marte
A Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: MID-MICHIGAN
Posts: 221
True , the only requirment for membership is the "desire" to stop using! no one can make you do anything but yourself, and taking what you need and dropping the rest is just a suggestion in the rooms, but if your best thinking got you here in these rooms?? how can you honestly say you know what you need and what you don't?
Step work is just that , WORK, if you don't do it , no one can say " well they'll be back out there" honestly, they can speculate, but that is all. All the program offers anyone is the HOPE to be clean, if just for today , because we can see it has worked in the life of others, not all, but others... the program is not perfect for all, but it does not judge us either , it offers us a way to gain some sanity back to catch our breath, and regroup, and only when we stop fighting against life itself do we see "I was my biggest problem I ever faced"
"why should I have to do stuff others are not?"
my answer to that was because I want what they did not, now i truely don't know if they wanted it, but I knew with every ounce of me, I was done, I was on borrowed time, and if I didn't give the my 100% best all out effort, I would die, and if that is where i was headed why waste the time 1/2 stepping through rehab? HONESTY<OPENMINDEDNESS<and WILLINGNESS, with these we are well on our way-- it has been 2 years, 26 day since i was revived in detox with a pulse of 55/32 and dropping when i lost consouisness, I never ever want to go back there ever, and I will do what ever it takes to stay away, it took me 2 years 11 days to save up $1,100.00 to pay an Aunt back for bailing me out of jail in 1993, I ran from that forever , could never look her in the eye, but now that sha\me is no longer mine , i made my amends and paid her back, she didn't want it at 1st, but I had to explain , I was doing this for me more then I was doing it for her! and it wasn't even close to easy to do , but I walked through it and i am stronger today for it , eatting crow(making amends) is never easy , but it is a lot easier when the crow is fresh, not dead and rotted, my hardest amends are to those who loved me, because it them I hurt and abused the most.
this program works, I shook the hand of a man(my great,great,great... grand sponser) who has 44 yrs clean ,I was 37 then with 10 months clean, and if it worked for him and her , and him and... then maybe it can work for me ,, if I work the program.... my name is Dean, I am an addict, thanks for allowing me to share this with you...
Step work is just that , WORK, if you don't do it , no one can say " well they'll be back out there" honestly, they can speculate, but that is all. All the program offers anyone is the HOPE to be clean, if just for today , because we can see it has worked in the life of others, not all, but others... the program is not perfect for all, but it does not judge us either , it offers us a way to gain some sanity back to catch our breath, and regroup, and only when we stop fighting against life itself do we see "I was my biggest problem I ever faced"
"why should I have to do stuff others are not?"
my answer to that was because I want what they did not, now i truely don't know if they wanted it, but I knew with every ounce of me, I was done, I was on borrowed time, and if I didn't give the my 100% best all out effort, I would die, and if that is where i was headed why waste the time 1/2 stepping through rehab? HONESTY<OPENMINDEDNESS<and WILLINGNESS, with these we are well on our way-- it has been 2 years, 26 day since i was revived in detox with a pulse of 55/32 and dropping when i lost consouisness, I never ever want to go back there ever, and I will do what ever it takes to stay away, it took me 2 years 11 days to save up $1,100.00 to pay an Aunt back for bailing me out of jail in 1993, I ran from that forever , could never look her in the eye, but now that sha\me is no longer mine , i made my amends and paid her back, she didn't want it at 1st, but I had to explain , I was doing this for me more then I was doing it for her! and it wasn't even close to easy to do , but I walked through it and i am stronger today for it , eatting crow(making amends) is never easy , but it is a lot easier when the crow is fresh, not dead and rotted, my hardest amends are to those who loved me, because it them I hurt and abused the most.
this program works, I shook the hand of a man(my great,great,great... grand sponser) who has 44 yrs clean ,I was 37 then with 10 months clean, and if it worked for him and her , and him and... then maybe it can work for me ,, if I work the program.... my name is Dean, I am an addict, thanks for allowing me to share this with you...
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
If you would read the NA Basic Text it talks intensly on working the steps with a sponsor. It also says in there that we have never seen anyone relapsed who has lived the NA Way! That being said if we are in fact going to live the NA Way then we must follow the directions that are clearly outlined in the Basic Text and the It Works How and Why. If we are not willing to make the effort to get this deal then more or less we will fall.
Love Vic
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
You get out of this program what you put into it. The steps are tools for personal and spiritual growth. If you only work step 1, that's as far as you'll grow. It's that simple. Yes, I've seen people stay on step 1 for years, but they were not happy campers and I wouldn't want them as my sponsor. I also wouldn't want a sponsor who is not working the steps, since a sponsor's main job is to be a guide through the steps.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 225
IM,
Step 8 is an attitude thing far as I am aware, a continuation of getting away from using, can you view Big Book Study Weekend videos and attend Step meetings and ask others their experience of step 8?
Some people like you find through circumstances having made some of the amends prior to taking Step 9, also there will be specific factors involved with certain people (and that is step 9 anyway and not 8). And that sometimes some people are willing to come to an arrangement (I am not making promises!) These are things I have heard about it all, from various people in the know.
By doing step 8 you are not committing yourself to pain.
The pain you did to yourself and your loved ones was in using.
I disagree with people that say recovery (though I am only part the way through the steps for the first time) is painful, because obviously it is the pain from using that we are feeling. We are learning - in simple stages - to act normal and the rest of society are not writhing in pain about acting normal!
Hoping you feel encouraged,
Step 8 is an attitude thing far as I am aware, a continuation of getting away from using, can you view Big Book Study Weekend videos and attend Step meetings and ask others their experience of step 8?
Some people like you find through circumstances having made some of the amends prior to taking Step 9, also there will be specific factors involved with certain people (and that is step 9 anyway and not 8). And that sometimes some people are willing to come to an arrangement (I am not making promises!) These are things I have heard about it all, from various people in the know.
By doing step 8 you are not committing yourself to pain.
The pain you did to yourself and your loved ones was in using.
I disagree with people that say recovery (though I am only part the way through the steps for the first time) is painful, because obviously it is the pain from using that we are feeling. We are learning - in simple stages - to act normal and the rest of society are not writhing in pain about acting normal!
Hoping you feel encouraged,
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