lilac

Well, 90 % of my stuff is at the new apartment. I took today off to finish up, but AH has decided to take a vacation this week out of the blue. I will go and get my dress shoes for work, and that is it. I will take another day off next week when he is at work to get the rest. THANKS EVERYONE FOR ALL THE SUPPORT !!!!! I won't have a computer at home for a few weeks, so I printed out alot of your encouraging words before I left and read them last night when I went to bed.....very different there by myself, nice but sad......
AH wants to know how long I am staying in the apartment, said that at least he stayed home to drink, did not beat me, .................I don't think he thought I would move out. He told me he felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach................Oh well, I do too.....
Love you all !!!!!

Pick-a-name

(((lilac))) thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers!

Hope you can pamper yourself with a little something nice today (and everyday!)

mallowcup

If you say anything to him at all say exactly what you said here. If he feels like he's been kicked in the stomach, then he realizes what it feels like to try to live with it every single day. It isn't living at all.

denny57

"At least he doesn't beat me." Boy, how many times I said that out loud. When did I start to settle for that as my best possible life? I don't know, but I'm glad I turned it around.

Good luck, lilac.

pmaslan

I have never understood this part of the whole thing.
Even though I have been involved in some dysfunctional relationships
I have never had the fear of being physically abused or had to mutter
those words.
I'm glad we both turned our lives around Denny

denny57

Me, too, Patty. I know at the beginning I said it in a joking way - as in what do I have to whine about? The fearful part of it was the last year or so - when even AH was afraid he'd get violent, his rage and resentments were that bad.

It has a lot to do with self-worth. There was a time I had it in spades. I'm working hard to get it back and am, for the most part, there. Still issues to work on, probably always will be, but I look at my life today compared to this time last year and stand in awe.

pmaslan

Me too......you are amazing Denny

Ayers1995

Lilac... I totally understand the feeling kicked in the stomach remark...

It isn't easy for us even though we are the ones that made the choice to do something.....

I'll keep you in my prayers...

BTW.. my husband said the same thing about at least he wasn't out at bars getting laid and hitting on me.... No... he was at home isolated in his computer room and pickin on the kids after he was too drunk to realize he was stupid.... Yeah - much better choice. lol

denny57

Oh cripes, now it sounds like I stand in awe of ME LOL!!! Ok, maybe I should - how's that for self worth?

The best thing I did for myself this year is let go. It's a tool of Al-Anon I really embraced, and it is so against my nature. I was just so emotionally beat I was ready to try something different and listen to those who had gone before me. Just like for the addict, change was hard.

FormerDoormat

Thankfully, that kicked-in-the-gut feeling doesn't last very long. It goes away the moment you get a taste of serenity and a life free from the effects of alcoholism.

Glad you've joined the "I'm Done Club."

TexasGirl

((Lilac)) I hope you get to a computer really soon so you can stay in touch. I know I really needed that connection to people who understood in those first few days. For me, the hardest part was signing a lease. Then it just all started falling into place. I hope the same goes for you. Looking forward to hearing about your place!