deettah

and I am ashamed to say that it's because I let the AH back into my life. And surprise he's gone again. He was back in the house 2 weeks and he snuck out like a thief while I was at work Friday, and I am at a loss as to why. Yeah, we had been arguing but I had made up my mind to stay commited and I thought so did he. I just came home and he and all of his things were gone. Nothing left behind but the apartment keys, his wedding band and a letter telling me what a horrible person I am. I guess he did me a favor by ending what shouldn't have been started. I went through the house and found a few things that he had forgotten in his haste to leave before I returned from work and got rid of them. I tossed his wedding ring out the window on the highway at 80 mph. I just wish I could purge his memory and this pain too. Time to pick up and move on again.

Pick-a-name

(((deettah))) I am sorry for all your pain, but glad you have returned. Hope you will feel comfort being back here with the rest of us who can relate to the alcoholic insanity.

StandingStrong

(((Deettah))) I'm sorry that it was pain that brought you back to us. But happy that you are here.

I remember a time that I left this board as well. But I realized too that I needed to be here because no matter what was happening or was going to happen - having lived with my AH, his drinking had indeed affected me. I found that I needed to be here to help ME!

So, you are here now. And it's time to get back on track - that track being YOU!

Welcome back deettah.

Cynay

*HUGS*

Dont do that your yourself hon.... you tried and it did not work, so what. Now you know and now you have no doubts.

Please never feel ashamed with us.... its not like we have not been there and done that... Heck I went back to my ex-abf after 3 different times of his cheating on me.... so who would I be to judge. We are only here to support you and love you though it sweetie.

OK.... so now that we know its over ...... now what do we do to fix the broken peaces?

deettah

Thank you all. I feel like I have ahole in my gut now. I wait for my phone to ring, I wait for him to walk through the door and I get nothing but more waiting. I feel like all I have been doing is waiting on this man and to no avail. I blocked him from e-mailing me and I'm thinking about chnging my number because I know I'm not strong enough to stop myself from responding or picking up the phone. I'm lonley already and it doesn't make sense. i couldn't stand to be near him, he drove me nuts! But I miss him at the same time and I feel like 2 people trapped in this body. Funny too that he snuck out the way he did because only that morning, he asked if I wanted him to leave and I said no, AND THEN HE LEAVES ANYWAY!!!!!!!! I feel like the choice to talk about our problems was taken away from me, I feel like a puppet but I did this to myself as much as he did.

Cynay

Again stop that.... you did not "do" anything but give love and try to work it out ....

I know it hurts hon... its uncomfortable and lonely.... for that is only for now, give it time so you can adjust .... this too will pass

StandingStrong

For many years, I felt that I was waiting on my AH. Even after we seperated, I still found myself waiting. Waiting for him to change, waiting for him to do the right thing, waiting for him to do something that he promised to do, waiting for him to call me, waiting...waiting...waiting....

Stop waiting for him deettah - and start living for YOU!

I know you feel really hurt right now and you are in so much pain. But I believe that once you really put the focus back onto yourself, you'll find that it gets easier.

(((Deettah)))

DesertEyes

Welcome back deettah, and no need to be ashamed. We're all here cuz we're not all there

I did plenty of waiting myself, always waiting on my "A" to change instead of taking action to help _me_ change. I've learned not to wait anymore.

The pain does go away. The first few days are the hardest, but when I stick to my program and stick close to the "winners" in my meets the pain goes away fast.

Glad you're back, you've been missed.

Mike
p.s. I love what you did with the ring

denny57

(((deetah)))

try to think of it this way: you have an addiction to the relationship, much like an addict has their addiction. you will have withdrawal symptoms just the same. take it one day at a time. if you're so inclined, get some professional help to see you through this.

take good care and be kind to yourself.

FriendofBill

If you forget the pain, you will repeat the same behavior that caused it.

This time, let it be your teacher,learn why you let him back in your life.

Then you will have accomplished huge amounts of healing.

Hang in there, try alanon. Saves lives.