DesertEyes

I've had a couple of rough weeks over here. Life has been throwing me lots of stuff recently, but I'm muddling thru. My HP has been sticking close to me, giving me lots of little hints that all is well in His plan.

Last weekend I was supposed to be in Phoenix visiting friends and looking for work. Due to health problems I had to stay in town. Last Saturday afternoon I received a phone call from a very special friend in al-anon, her "A" husband had just been found dead. She was calling from the morgue, overwhelmed with emotion. I was able to provide some emotional support for her until relatives flew out to be with her.

She still loves her husband, with all her heart and soul. Just like I still love my ex-wife. I could see myself in her pain, know that if my ex-wife were to die from this disease I would also be a mess.

Today I delivered some flowers for the funeral, and a nice little card. I've done this so many times. A funeral for someone I know who has died of their addiction. Held a young widow as she cried herself to exhaustion. Tried to distract the children. Brought flowers for the family. Left a card.

I have learned thru the program of recovery that this is not an ending.

Last thursday a different friend gave me a ride to my doctors' appointment. We buried her husband a year ago last Christmas. I remember holding her when she cried. Today she has a new man in her life, a very nice guy too. She was proudly showing me some new purse she found while shopping, and a belt to match, her eyes sparkling with life and happiness.

We picked up her 14yr old on the way. The 14yr old that two years ago was a traumatized mess, shocked into nightmares from having found the body of her father. Today that 14 yr old has her first boyfriend, she's attending al-ateen and can talk program as good as my sponsor. She's even giving her Mother attitude like a healthy teenager. She laughs, and her eyes laugh too.

I have learned thru the program of recovery that I have a choice today. I can look at all the pain and hardship that is around me, or I can look at all the healing and happiness that this program brings to us.

This weekend I will go to yet another funeral. I will hold yet another young widow. I will say a prayer for all our loved ones who still suffer from this awful disease. It is a prayer of gratitude. Gratitude for having a program, and a fellowship, where we can hold each other thru the darkness and show each other the light.

Today I have faith, and in the light of that faith I can see that these are not endings. They are beginnings.

Mike

best

Thank you Mike

Your words put the heart in the right place for proper prayer.

Prayers that His will is found by all and that healing and happiness abound for all who are in struggle and turmoil.
Turmoil into hope and hope into healing and happiness.

an'ka

Very moving post, Mike. Thank you.

cmc

**{Mike}}

Thanks for sharing this....it's true that faith, gratitude, and good fellowship with one another is exactly what we all need.

cwohio

amen mike - thank you!

prodigal

Thank you. I understand now why I my eyes tear up when we have a moment of silence for those still suffering outside the rooms. You've been thrown more than your share of curve balls lately. I can't begin to tell you how much I respect the grace with which you've accepted your difficulties.

FormerDoormat

My sentiments exactly, Prodigal. Mike you are a special man and I'm proud to call you my friend.

Phinneas

Mike, you are a beautiful, beautiful man. In the midst of your own pain and struggle you reach out unselfishly to others and share their grief. You are an inspiration indeed.

I love you, my friend.

StandingStrong

Mike, that was beautifully written. Thank you.

guyinNC

Thanks Mike!

I hope you are feeling better!