hazard624

Hi I am new to this great web site. I would appreciate any advice on this situation.
my husband had drank for years but quit before we met. We have been married for14 years and as far as I know he has not relapsed. now his behavior is strange..accusing me of all sorts of things--affairs etc. His dress actually has improved..So I thought he was having the affair
I have ruled out an affair--PI, but smelt strong alcohol, not beer/wine on his breath. he has not gone to any bars. I can't find any bottles in my house or garage? Anyone with experience with this?
Thanks

cmc

Hello hazard,
Welcome to SR, this is the right place for your questions.
Please take a look at the sticky's at the top of the page as there is alot of information there for you that is extremely helpful.
Trying to hide is quite common, and my son often hid his drug use from us- and was often very successful at it.
We have so many wonderful people here on this forum, especially- who will come along and share their own stories and ideas. You don't have to face this alone.
I am so glad that you found us!
cmc

kermit

my husband is a closet drinker. I found bottles behind places he thought I didn't clean. Another weird place is in the toliet tank. I even found them in a old PC and even old suitcases in the garage. The last place I found it was in his car. I know how you are feeling. Knowing but not really knowing. When I finally realized he had a problem it was way to late for us. I'm glad you are here. There are alot of great people here.

Pick-a-name

hazard624 : Welcome!!! So glad you have found us!!!

Lots of people are good at hiding their drinking ...for a while.

I hope you will stick around with us; read and post.

hazard624

Thanks for the welcome

I guess I will have to try to look harder in those odd places for bottles...Thanks for the suggestion.

linko

You are welcome here

embraced2000

i used to go on the bottle hunting mission too.. but it didn't change anything cept to make me a wreck. i got hell-bent for leather on trying to outwit him...durn, it was consuming.
at first i scouted out the bottles, then i brought them out into the daylight, then i marked them, then i went on a mission to buy thick glass drinking glasses that would trick him into thinking he was getting more liquid than he thought....didnt take him long to figure that one out....then i made his drinks myself, making them weaker and weaker.

didn't work. then i decided bigger ice cubes....you know...good ole liquid displacement plan....so i went on a mission from hell to scout yard sales for those old fashioned metal ice cube trays with the pull up handle in the middle??? remember them??? now those babies made gooooooooood big ice cubes. so i went to yard sales, thrift shops, you name it. did everything but run an ad in the paper.

figured with the combo of "thick glass drinking glasses/wamba size solid ice cubes/watered down booze illusion'".....man, i could make it happen!!!!!
yeeeeee-----hawwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

insanity, i'm on my way.....make way fer me.

years and years of this nonsense....my nonsense.

none of it worked the way i wanted. but i got a big bonus outta it.....insanity...and it was free, too!!!!!!

always loved a good bargain.
god bless
jeri

denny57

I would suggest looking up an Al-Anon meeting instead of going bottle hunting. Worked for me.

Glad you're here - keep coming back!

Pick-a-name

If he "drank in the past" and gave it up;am I assuming it was a problem for him then? Add that to behavior changes and smelling it on him, and I think you can safely assume that it is a problem again.

The only other outside consideration is undiagnosed diabetes? but I would really think that is a far-out chance.

Glad you are here. Put the focus on you. You can learn how to do that here and at Alanon. Things will be less confusing for you that way.

StrongR2Day

Pick-a-Name is right, it could be a health issue. My ex's breath smelled of alcohol when he had a throat infection. He never hid his drinking from me, so I knew he didn't have to make it up to cover his tracks.

But (and this is a big but), if he's acting impaired (slurring, overly boisterous, etc.), smelling like alcohol, then he probably is drinking. The old "if it walks like a duck" theory.

embraced2000

pick a name is right bout undiagnosed diabetes......a person who is in ketone acidosis will have a rotten, fruity, alcoholy smell to their breath....and it is a vapor that will fill up an entire room. they can also have very impaired behavior when in acidosis.......beligerant, confused, combative, and much more. might want to check that out.
god bless
jeri

hazard624

Thank you everyone.

I know a bottle search is a waste of time, but I really need to know as he never drinks in front of me.

I am planning to attend an alanon meeting soon.
Good luck to all of you too

Hurting Inside

hi hazard and welcome to SR,

My mom is an alcoholic and in recovery. Alcoholics are very sneaky people and they know well enough to not hide a bottle where you might look. Unless they are drinking you can smell it on them Atleast thats what my mom does. Looking for bottles is pretty useless, cause when i look and i actually find one, i get angry and freak out on her and its makes the situation worse. Try the Alanon meeting. My dad loved the first one he went too and he learned alot from just one meeting. Think about you.

Take Care
Ashley

hazard624

Thanks Ashley

lilac

You will make yourself crazy and exhausted looking for the bottles...........
I have looked for bottles, counted beers drank, everything.
Just yesterday, my cat drug a half pint of ancient age out from under the couch. One more week and my apartment will be ready to move into !!!!!

embraced2000

before i set my boundries and ex was drinking at home, i got so good at listening for the sound his drink made....could tell how full it was by the sound of the ice in it....god, it was bad.......sometimes, i'd go into my bedroom just to get away from the "ice clinking listening" , but then i'd hear him slam-dunk the watery-booze ice leftovers into our sink....i still get sick when hear iced drinks poured into a sink.
god bless
jeri

hazard624

Good Luck with moving Lilac :0

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Kellye C

I have been the one searching for the hidden bottle or stash to confirm my suspicions that ex-AH #1 was smoking pot and ex-AH #2 was drinking and can tell you how crazy it can make you. All it did was keep me feeling insane and p*ssed me of royally when I found what I was looking for. It did absolutely nothing to change the situation.

Later I became the one hiding the bottles and my mom and kids became the searchers and I can tell you from that end of it nothing changed other than I became more resentful and sneakier. It might have resulted in more shame and embarassment for me and it certainly was devastating to my family but bottom line it didn't stop me from drinking. I had to get to the point where I could not go on the way I was any more and accept that I was hopelessly addicted and powerless before I sought help and accepted help.

I would advise that your energy would be better spent on coping mechanisms such as those found in Al-Anon, the book Co-dependent no more and this site so that you can detach, make sound decisions about what YOU want and what YOU are willing to live with or not live with than trying to find stashes and control his drinking.

Hugs,
Kellye

queenteree

I too did the can searching thing - in the car, shed, behind bushes in the backyard, even between our fence and the neigbors. Like everyone said, it drove me nuts, but I had to prove that he was drinking and confront him. One day, I said to myself, I know he's drinking, I know he's drunk and what am I going to do when I find those cans? Yell at him? What good is that going to do? He would deny it straight to my face, which would make me more mad. And that would give him an excuse to drink even more (understand I said it would "give him an excuse", but I didn't cause him to drink more, alcoholics love excuses). So I stopped. It was hard at first, but now I'm used to it. Sometimes now, when I see them in those places (he's still hiding them) I actually have to laugh at how stupid he is. And just FYI, my husband was sober for over 14 years also. You can tell in their personality, and trust your gut. My husband has so reverted back to the way he was (personality wise and drink wise) many years ago, before he stopped drinking for all those years. It's hard to deal with, and sad at times, but I can't do anything in haste. It's sad because he doesn't realize (or choses not to) that my love for him is not the same, I don't trust him to use good judgment, and the scope of our relationship is not the same. I used to try and talk to him about it, but now I realize it does no good, so I don't say anything. I have to do for me (even though I do lose it at times) and not worry about him, and most of the time that is what I do. I used to worry and cry about him, us, etc., now it's so weird that most of the time, I just plain don't care. Since I knew my husband way back in his old drinking days, then his sober days, now back to his drinking days, like embraced said above, I actually can't stand the sound a beer can makes while opening.
Hugs,
Queentere