FriendofBill

cus it hurts so bad today.

So I thought Id see if it works, ya know, alcohol taking away the grief, the hard ass emotional gut wrentching pain of the person I loved and trusted forever, who now could care less about us, continues to steal, lie and all that.....so I took a drink of vodka and OJ.

And yes, they are right.....the pain is numbed. Just what I hoped for.

Dont anyone worry, Im not abusing it and Im not alcoholic. I will be ok.

wait...dont I just sound like every alcoholic we know? LOL

Im ok....

deax

I did that last night. Not quite as intentionally, but I did notice that yeah, it does numb things. Makes things look a whole hell of a lot different. Too bad it isn't reality, though. When I woke up this morning, everything was just as I'd left it.

Hope you find some peace today, FriendofBill. (hugs)

Cynay

ROFL..... ya it kinda does sound like what the A would say... but fortunally our chemistry is not the same and numbing does not make you an Alcoholic.

A word of warning though from a self medicator..... Careful, Im famous for having a drink when Im tired of coping and your right it really does work for that moment but like deax said... its only for that moment and you have the same problem the next day and if your like me a headach to boot.

Im sorry your hurting sweetie.... I know how you feel cuz Im right there with you. Take it easy, rent a good action movie and enjoy your drink... there is nothing wrong with taking a night off.

mfisher

I drank the other night knowing very well I was a HALT night.
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
I am not an alcoholic, but their are for me inappropriate times to drink.
Sometimes I feel like I sabatoge myself when I do stupid things like that, but at least I can recognize it and do something about it.
Everyone has their moments and sometimes a nice glass a wine is really a treat.

Pick-a-name

I'm truly afraid to drink.........I have felt that way lately, and fear I would become an alcoholic..... (My sister is one, so I figure it could happen.) My AH "watched it"...still is ,as far as I know...

Sorry you are feeling this way Friend; I do relate. Somedays it just can get very overwhelming. Hope you are feeling better really soon.

doorknob

I think if you self medicate often enough, over a long enough period of time, you can permently change your chemistry, thus becoming chemically dependent. I started out drinking to medicate symptoms of OCD, and at some point became addicted. I don't have any alcoholism in my family that I know of. But, genetics is only part of the equation.

mazey

Sorry you are having a painful day...we do and will. Ya know a couple drinks are kind nice once in awhile. There is a difference in how I would drink and how an alcoholic drinks. It doesn't scare me that I will become one. But, my daugher pointed this out to me a couple years ago...she will sometimes feel more depressed the day after drinking. Maybe sometimes....
Enjoy your night!

Cynay

Just my thoughts.....

Its my understanding that Alcohol is a selectively addictive drug. That Addiction to alcohol is primarily physiological. Alcoholics become addicted because their bodies are physiologically incapable of processing alcohol normally. (from under the influence)

But Im not an Alcoholic, just trying to understand it .... so maybe your right... I do agree however that a person who self medicates can create a habit that also can cause chaos in their life at times.... but its not the same as an alcoholic.

Just my opinion... take what you like.

cwohio

awww friend - big hugs to you - that's one thing i really have no desire to do but somedays i wish there were SOMETHING to numb the pain. take care of yourself!

Janitw

Hey Friend of Bill - You over 21 right??? Go for it girl. I had a few wine coolers myself the other night. The nicest part of it is? I won't have to worry what HE'S thinking. How cool is that.

Janit

gelfling

((((***))))))

Careful girl. I think we all went down that road. I did. For the same reasons and it terrified me how easy it was.

Tain't worth it girlfriend. Truly, it isn't.

Love and Blessings, Kathy

FriendofBill

Thank you everyone for the uplift, your wonderful.

The drink did bring the numbing which which helped me to calm down and get a grip. I was a mess, and so was my son, hence my insanity is contagious.

I only had one drink, and when I felt I might become too intoxicated, I immediately ate some toast and cookies to absorb the alcohol, turned to lemonade, cancelled my plans of going out cus I knew I shouldnt drive, then laid down to take a nap.

How freakin much more responsible could I have gotten? Haaaa....how many alcoholics ever do all those resonsible things when drinking?

I guess Im lucky...I know how to quit after just one.

BigSis

I am one who has trouble believing in "social drinking"... I just keep seeing folks at different points in their progression.

Doesn't mean I judge you, I don't. But if you were my spouse or my child or my sister... it would make me nervous and I would need (for my sake) to leave and not be around... just when you needed me.

My drinking didn't take anything away... it just pushed it all in front of me. Given enough time, it makes quite a stack of stuff to deal with.

I wish you well, ***. (((hugs)))

Edited to add... I just read your post.... ONE DRINK!!

Or fer cryin' out loud...grin. I don't think the thought of numbing feelings EVER included ONE drink (in my mind). I pictured you sitting down, as I would have, with a bottle... some juice and the whole night.

One drink? Really?


Maybe there are such things as social drinkers....

FriendofBill

ya maybe need to lay off judgement, huh.

after all, Ive been on this forum long enough for you to know I am NOT alcoholic.

Alanons drink. and its ok. thanks

doorknob

Denial ain't a river in Egypt. LOL! Just how big was that screwdriver???

I'm just teasin'. I know you're not an alky. Glad you're feelin' better.

Cynay

BigSis you crack me up!!!!

I have to tell you guys a story..... I went out with one of the other Mods for Friends and Family..... wont mention names.......

I thought he was going to choke on his pop when I mixed my wine with sprite.... He could not believe I would do that.

I dont know if he was teasing me or was serious ... but I found it funny.

miss communicat

Friend of Bill,

it strikes me as odd that a non-alcoholic would even start a thread in a sober recovery forum to trumpet the event of having a single drink, and moreover, go into the details of her apparent responsibilty around that one drink, in that she stops after 1, eats toast, and declines the opportunity to drive..

Something akin to "my lady doth protest too much".Or, at least, she defends too much and snaps at the least bit of disagreeable commentary.

I am an alcoholic. I am not saying YOU are.

I have to share my experience here with you. For over 7 years I was a VERY controlled drinker. Like you described yourself tonight, I stopped after 1, sometimes after even just a half a glass. I did not drink daily. Also like you, I did drink to numb intense feelings.

Another similarity to you is that when and if I drank, I was constantly proving to myself and others that I had things under control and that I was perfectly fine, by virtue of my ability to stop after 1. And that I was an Alanon, and alanons can drink. Its ok!!

In retrospect, I think of those actions as part of the progression of my disease, part of being an alcoholic who had not YET progressed further.

And, by the way, thanks for confirming for us that you are not an alcoholic since you've been posting on these forums for a long time....I read that part, too. Wow. Sounds like you've got some judgements of alcoholics going on yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

mallowcup

I don't touch alcohol because when I want one, I need one. I think this could be the start of self medicating. I've tried, "If you can't beat um, join um". No thanks!

spring

Interesting thread.......My Mom's an A and my husband is an RA so I always swore I would never drink when I was unhappy; to stop from feeling. I never wanted to drink when I was happy because I didn't need it soooooo....
I don't drink at all!! Works for me..

I hope your feeling better.

spring

I wanted to add -- This isn't a judgement; my Mom and Dad owned a restaurant and Bar; I was a bartender throughout my twenties and drank a lot. But I was lucky, when I stopped I just stopped. No problem. My brother on the other hand is an active, raging alcoholic. I think I just got lucky, genetically.