LIFEOUTTHERE

Last week I had made my mind up to go ahead and end the whole thing, but towards the end of the week I guess that I started to feel guilty again so the kids and I went over on Thursday to pick up some mail and visit with my AH. When we got there he seems surprised to see us. The kids wanted something to drink and I went to the refridge to get them something. There was beer in there, not just a couple, alot. This surprised me since he told me he had stopped drinking. I did not say anything then about it. When we got ready to leave he ask me when I was going to come home. I told him that I was not coming home until it was gone. I have told him this several times. He said he was leaving it in there in case I did not do what he wanted me to do. I told him if he was serious and wanted to talk about me coming home to get rid of it. He said he would throw it away and I said NO, pour it out and I will stay and talk then. He said NO. (If he threw it in the garbage he could have easily dug it out after I left). I told him that I was not playing a game with him. We then left.

On Friday he called me and wanted me to come spend the night with him on Saturday since it was our wedding anniversary. I refused and he got mad and wanted to argue with me so I ended the conversation and did not speak to him the day of our anniversary simply b/c I did not want to celebrate it. It has never really been something we celebrated before why start now. I did however take the kids and we went to the coast (what is left after Katrina) We went shopping and I actually spent money on myself. We went to eat and had a great time.

I did not take any of his calls until Tuesday morning and he was furious with me by this time. I immediatly ended that conversation too. He later picked our daughter up from school and met me after work with her. He was nice. He told me that he was seriously trying and he wanted me to think about coming back. He also admitted that he had said somethings that he should not have said. His older son was with him over the weekend and my husband's ex-wife called to say that he was not drinking while he was there and so did my Mother - In - Law.

I am very glad to hear all of this, but I am not sure that I trust him just yet. There are some things that I need to work on for myself before I can even think about going back. I hate to say this, but I am not sure if I am even in love with this man anymore. I love him very dearly and want the best for him. I want with all my heart for him to be happy, but I don't think I can be happy with him.

Since I have left I truly feel safe. I am happy. I don't have to worry about the kids riding in a vehicle with him. I don't have to worry about them not getting fed or something to drink. I don't have to worry about my son's diaper not being changed when I leave him with his dad. I have had to make changes in my work schedule to accomidate this new life, but I think I can learn to live this way and be happy. I don't want to wake up 10 or 20 years from now and say what if...........

denny57

Been thinking about you, Life.

Re-read your last paragraph as many times as you have to. You are doing great. I know how hard it is.

Here's a simple way to look at it: he says he's keeping the beer in case you don't do what he wants. Will that be forever? A year from now, you don't do something he wants, he drinks. The constant threat of drinking hanging over your head to keep you in line?

If he's going to quit it has to be for himself. You are taking care of yourself, and your children, and I personally think you are brilliant!

laurie6781

Life sounds to me like you are doing real well and progressing on your own recovery.

Please remember, right now if your AH's lips are moving in all liklihood he's lying, lol., Watch the actions, don't listen to the words.

If all he has done is not drink, then the problems still remain. There is most times a lot more involved than just "not drinking." He has to start working on himself, whether it's thru counselling, or AA or SMART or Life Ring or something.

Again, watch the actions, do not listen to the words,

Sounds to me like you and the kids are in a better place for y'all right now.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Ayers1995

You are going through exactly the same thing I went through when I left AH. I left on 3-5 our anniversary was 3-18.. we'd never celebrated before...always seemed something would come up.... That's rough to deal with.

He is going to start doing things and saying things now that are going to make you want to trust and believe him. You need to listen to your inner self which, I think is telling you that he can't be trusted to change - that quickly. I didn't listen to myself and regret it daily. Just continue one day at a time with yourself and your own recovery.

I have just finished CoDependent no more and facing Codependency.. if you haven't read any of those you should. I can even send them to you.. someone sent them to me.

deax

CatsPajamas

WOW. What a testament to your self respect and to the safety and well being of your children.

You might want to print that out and post it various places in your home: next to the phone, the door, the computer, the bathroom mirror. Each time you talk to him or read something from him, compare his words and his actions and how you feel to that paragraph. If things line up, then great. If not, then YOU and your kids are still great!

Hugs

Cat