ASpouse you're obviously a very strong woman
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ASpouse you're obviously a very strong woman
and inspiration to all of us newbies that it is possible to breakfree from our co-dpendancy. To find the peace and serenity that you have found. From reading your posts here you self admittingly tend to be blunt and to the point. No candy coating issues. You tell it as you see it. I respect you for that and a lot of the time it's what we need to hear by may not want to hear. Newbies like me need that but there are times we need reassurance that we're making progress, most of the time very slow progress but progress none the less. What I can't fathom is how a strong, independant and intelligent woman that you are ever ended up being ASpouse.
Were you ever where some of us newbies are or were you able to come to be the strong person that you are today?
Please do not take any offense of my question. I'm just wondering if there's a faster way to get to where I want to be which is where you are now.
Were you ever where some of us newbies are or were you able to come to be the strong person that you are today?
Please do not take any offense of my question. I'm just wondering if there's a faster way to get to where I want to be which is where you are now.
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She apparently has decided not to post here
I don't know the details right now. However, her reasons are personal and whatever I discuss with her will NOT be passed on here. If Judy wishes to let folks know 1-to-1 as to why she has come to her decision, that is strictly her business.
However, I am free to voice my opinion and my thoughts before I discuss this matter with Judy. Some of you took offense to her no-nonsense replies. I'm an Easterner and am considered rude by many folks out here in the Desert Southwest. I couldn't give a fig what anybody out here thinks. Part of my personality is just what it is. Part of it developed from working in a high-pressure position with legislators and corporate execs. when I was with a nonprofit association in Maryland that was a leadership development program and networking opportunity that worked along with the Governor's office and State Chamber of Commerce. Working around Type-A personalities long enough rubbed off on me I suppose.
Just let me personally go on the record saying that I liked Judy's don't-give-me-that-crap attitude. To those who found it necessary to come back with sarcastic replies to her posts or call her names, you only did yourself a disservice. What you had to say reflected upon you and not her. Frankly, what you thought of her was none of her business and she didn't give a rat's a** anyway.
Okay. I've had my say. I am not going to defend my point of view, address it with anyone else, argue semantics, or entertain notions of getting into any sort of dispute. Period. End of sentence. End of paragraph.
However, I am free to voice my opinion and my thoughts before I discuss this matter with Judy. Some of you took offense to her no-nonsense replies. I'm an Easterner and am considered rude by many folks out here in the Desert Southwest. I couldn't give a fig what anybody out here thinks. Part of my personality is just what it is. Part of it developed from working in a high-pressure position with legislators and corporate execs. when I was with a nonprofit association in Maryland that was a leadership development program and networking opportunity that worked along with the Governor's office and State Chamber of Commerce. Working around Type-A personalities long enough rubbed off on me I suppose.
Just let me personally go on the record saying that I liked Judy's don't-give-me-that-crap attitude. To those who found it necessary to come back with sarcastic replies to her posts or call her names, you only did yourself a disservice. What you had to say reflected upon you and not her. Frankly, what you thought of her was none of her business and she didn't give a rat's a** anyway.
Okay. I've had my say. I am not going to defend my point of view, address it with anyone else, argue semantics, or entertain notions of getting into any sort of dispute. Period. End of sentence. End of paragraph.
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Wow, totally taken out of context. I certainly did'nt mean to upset anyone especially ASpouse. Funny how people can twist others words and perceive what they choose or want to.
I admire her, I respect her, I find her post full of wisdom of one who has lived it. Nothing more, nothing less. I have thick skin. I can take it. I just was looking for suggestions and wondering how she has come to be the person I want to be which is strong, independant, and obviously very happy and fullfilled with her life.
I admire her, I respect her, I find her post full of wisdom of one who has lived it. Nothing more, nothing less. I have thick skin. I can take it. I just was looking for suggestions and wondering how she has come to be the person I want to be which is strong, independant, and obviously very happy and fullfilled with her life.
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prodigal,
Did I miss a post? Who was calling her names and responding sarcastically? I certainly didn't and don't believe in name calling or sarcasm. Again, I think the perception of what I posted and the questions I was asking were out of sincerity and in no way meant to offend anyone. Isn't Dr. Phil who says "there is no reality only perception"? I'd apologize if I thought that I posted that thread out of anything other than sincerity. Since, that was not my intention I don't feel I have anything to apologize for. I have nothing more to say as doing so seems that I would only be adding fuel to a fire I never intended to build.
Did I miss a post? Who was calling her names and responding sarcastically? I certainly didn't and don't believe in name calling or sarcasm. Again, I think the perception of what I posted and the questions I was asking were out of sincerity and in no way meant to offend anyone. Isn't Dr. Phil who says "there is no reality only perception"? I'd apologize if I thought that I posted that thread out of anything other than sincerity. Since, that was not my intention I don't feel I have anything to apologize for. I have nothing more to say as doing so seems that I would only be adding fuel to a fire I never intended to build.
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And by the way...
Dr. Phil has it wrong, it's not "there is no reality only perception" it is correctly phrased "reality is ambiguous." (Or subjective, if you prefer.) Whatever you're talking about, I have no clue. Nobody here has pointed a finger at you, said you misinterpreted something, made a sarcastic comment, or done any name calling. Get a grip, okay?
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prodigal,
I thought your reply to my post had something to do with me because it was a reply to the thread I started. In the spirit of recovery, " Even if we come under criticism from those outside [or inside] our program, we cannot afford to be lured into controversy. Just as we learn to stop reacting to an alcoholic's provocation, we need not react to to anyone's opinions or prodding or be tempthed to adopt a defensive of aggressive position. We must keep our focus on our primary purpose and not allow ourselves to become distracted."
"Calm down and quit going into codie overdrive" & "get a grip" are things you have told me to stop doing as I've interpreted what has been said on this thread wrong. Since I started the thread, I obviously thought the comments you posted were direct at me. How am I to know otherwise, if this it not said? When it is said, Why in such a way that is not helpful to a codie like me but IMHO said in a way that helps a codie like me feel guilt for misinterpreting that which apparently has nothing to do with me? God knows I don't need help feeling guilty, I've got that down to a science it seems.
I thought your reply to my post had something to do with me because it was a reply to the thread I started. In the spirit of recovery, " Even if we come under criticism from those outside [or inside] our program, we cannot afford to be lured into controversy. Just as we learn to stop reacting to an alcoholic's provocation, we need not react to to anyone's opinions or prodding or be tempthed to adopt a defensive of aggressive position. We must keep our focus on our primary purpose and not allow ourselves to become distracted."
"Calm down and quit going into codie overdrive" & "get a grip" are things you have told me to stop doing as I've interpreted what has been said on this thread wrong. Since I started the thread, I obviously thought the comments you posted were direct at me. How am I to know otherwise, if this it not said? When it is said, Why in such a way that is not helpful to a codie like me but IMHO said in a way that helps a codie like me feel guilt for misinterpreting that which apparently has nothing to do with me? God knows I don't need help feeling guilty, I've got that down to a science it seems.
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I would also more about peoples' path inrecovery..kinda a "stick with the winners" philosophy, Thanks for asking it,Blizzard77! I was really hoping to meet Judy last weekend; this is one of the reasons why!
OT--Blizzard77...I just really noticed your s/n....I remember that blizzard of "77 (and the whole snowy winter).....the year AH and I were planning our wedding and commuting back and forth to see each other on weekends! If you tell me you are one of those "blizzard babies" I am gonna feel old! haha
Thin-skinned,tender-hearted codies and computer messages (without inflection ,etc) can go into the ditch without too much warning.lots of us come here to these boards strung a bit tight some days;at least I know I do. One of the reasons I am here is to calm down and take steps to stop reacting to life and instead to act or not act. JMO Glad we got this tread back on track.....
OT--Blizzard77...I just really noticed your s/n....I remember that blizzard of "77 (and the whole snowy winter).....the year AH and I were planning our wedding and commuting back and forth to see each other on weekends! If you tell me you are one of those "blizzard babies" I am gonna feel old! haha
Thin-skinned,tender-hearted codies and computer messages (without inflection ,etc) can go into the ditch without too much warning.lots of us come here to these boards strung a bit tight some days;at least I know I do. One of the reasons I am here is to calm down and take steps to stop reacting to life and instead to act or not act. JMO Glad we got this tread back on track.....
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I agree that some of the posts to me may have made me take offense at first, but they were things I needed to hear. They helped to knock me out of the codie thinking I was in and see things for what they are. They also have reminded me on occasion to take a look at myself and my motivations.
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Judy is one of my closest friends here at SR. If in fact she has chosen to
bow out I will sorely miss her. I am from the midwest, lol.. love that shoot
from the hip Eastern attitude she displays. I AM a no sugar coatin' kind
of girl. So her personality suits me fine. I have to tell you I believe I am
where I am today in part,to people like Judy.....I used to get tee'd off in
my early days here when some of her seemingly cutting remarks,cut
to the bone. I needed that, still do from time to time, now I understand
they're said in luv and to keep me moving in the right direction.I don't
want or need to be told everything is going to be ok, cause it won't, if I
don't do something about it.
Judy,was supposed to be a part of our big group meet in Washington, DC
this year,but due to other commitments wasn't able. I for one was majorly
disappointed, cause it's not everday that one can meet their inspiration
in the flesh. Since I have an outside of SR relationship with this fine
woman I know I will still be able to tap into her wisdom, experiences and
love and understanding. I am just sad that those of you that don't share
this type of relationship with her will sorely be missing out on all the good
she has to offer. Sometimes we need to put our pride & ego aside and
just plain listen....
bow out I will sorely miss her. I am from the midwest, lol.. love that shoot
from the hip Eastern attitude she displays. I AM a no sugar coatin' kind
of girl. So her personality suits me fine. I have to tell you I believe I am
where I am today in part,to people like Judy.....I used to get tee'd off in
my early days here when some of her seemingly cutting remarks,cut
to the bone. I needed that, still do from time to time, now I understand
they're said in luv and to keep me moving in the right direction.I don't
want or need to be told everything is going to be ok, cause it won't, if I
don't do something about it.
Judy,was supposed to be a part of our big group meet in Washington, DC
this year,but due to other commitments wasn't able. I for one was majorly
disappointed, cause it's not everday that one can meet their inspiration
in the flesh. Since I have an outside of SR relationship with this fine
woman I know I will still be able to tap into her wisdom, experiences and
love and understanding. I am just sad that those of you that don't share
this type of relationship with her will sorely be missing out on all the good
she has to offer. Sometimes we need to put our pride & ego aside and
just plain listen....
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Nope, not a blizzard baby. I was six years old at the time and thought it was just about the coolest thing I had ever seen. I loved it. Of course, mom was a wreck, couldnt get out of the house for a week or so and was worried about enough food to feed her 4 children. Dad was stuck at work ( owned a gas station only ten min from our house, but couldn't get home and didn't want to. He was with in walking distance from his second home "Macy's" which was a bar, so he was content where he was. Sometimes I wonder how my mom did it on her own (raising 4 children). He died a year later when I was seven of a brain anurysm. Mom never sought help but did the best she could. I think had she known better she would've done better. She died of breast cancer in 1993 after a long hard battle. There are times I feel sad for her because I remember her being bitter, angry, resentful and pointing the finger at us for feeling the way she felt inside. My recovery is for me and for her. Yes, I'm doing it for myself, attempting to break the cycle. I just wish she had lived long enough to join me on this continual path towards recovery. It makes me sad that she was never able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope she has the peace in death that she never had in life.
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I think it would be a great loss to this board if Judy did not participate. Obviously I don't know what's going on, but I hope that those who are close to her will relay the fact that I think her insights are valuable here.
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pmaslan,
Couldn't agree more. She was kind enough to pm me and her words of wisdom whether blunt or not are exactly what I need. I'm a Yankee living in the South (hudge culture shock). I too tend to shoot from the hip so to speak, which often offends people. I don't mean to offend, it's just a part of who I am and a part of me I refuse to let go of, justify or explain to anyone. No one should be criticized or judged just because they are being who they are IMHO.
Couldn't agree more. She was kind enough to pm me and her words of wisdom whether blunt or not are exactly what I need. I'm a Yankee living in the South (hudge culture shock). I too tend to shoot from the hip so to speak, which often offends people. I don't mean to offend, it's just a part of who I am and a part of me I refuse to let go of, justify or explain to anyone. No one should be criticized or judged just because they are being who they are IMHO.
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