aoliver

Hello Everyone,

I am sitting here with extreme anxiety. I have my very first
appointment with the Psychotherapist today. Oh, this anxiety is
why I'm going but it doesn't make it any easier to get there.

Thank you all for your wonderful responses to my earlier post.

25 more minutes befor I leave the house.
I'm taking deep breaths.

Ann

bikewench

Ann....

I'd say it's very natural to be anxious in this case...
This is the first look into that thing that drives us...
Kinda like a wedding night... ;o)

Let us know how it goes .....

Wolfstarr

((((Ann))))

Hey how did the appt go? I hope the psychotherapist was helpful for you.

I know that anxiety...I had a strong anxiety feeling come over me on Friday when
I started a brand new job. (Like Bikewench said...first look into things)

If you want to share with us how it went or how you feel, please do. If not, that's ok too and just know that we care and are here for you!

brodny

Ann -- How did your session go? My hope is that it went well for you.

Your post from a few days ago affected me quite deeply - I could not even respond until now. It was so real to me becasue my father molested one of my sisters. My other sister in some way had to know what was going on. I knew what was happening but feared getting killed by him. I'm a man so I cannot imagine what it must have been like for the one sister to know the other sister was getting treated like that. She must have been terrified that she would be next; enraged he was doing it at all; angry at our mother for not stopping it (at a minimum our mother "looked the other way"). But the saddest thing at least to me is that the sister who was not physically touched by our father might have been thinking unconsiously "I'm glad it's her and not me." If she felt that way it must be a horrible burden for her to bear.

As a man, I've paid attention over the years to the issue of "survivor's guilt" and before now could never understand why a soldier who "survived" combat would feel bad about being alive. But through my own therapy I came to realize that it's natural for someone in a violently traumatic situtation to feel relieved that what happened to someone else did not happen to them. It's not that they are happy someone else was hurt but that they themselves were not. In the emotional turmoil following trauma that feeling of relief gets mis-interpreted as a "wish come true" -- i.e. a wish that harm would happen to someone else. The younger the age of the person going through the trauma the more those feelings can get mis-interpreted. (That's one of the worst things about secrecy to me. The fact that there is no supportive loving adult to help a child work through those feelings.)

I saw an interview of an air force combat veteran who survived a bombing misison while other men he knew were killed. He said that he saw one of his friend's plane going down and said to himself "I'm not glad it's happening to you...but better thee than me." I have survivor's guilt but when I here men say things like that I realize I am not alone.

Neither are you, Ann.

aoliver

I went to the appointment and felt alittle confused
about talking with a woman about the same age or younger
than myself.
I did get more comfortable after awhile and she will be seeing
me every two weeks. I really want this. I want to try and get
out from under all of these bad feelings.

Thanks to everyone, really,
It's wonderful to feel support.

Ann

Wolfstarr

Ann,

Good to hear that your appt went ok, and your positive feel for wanting to get
better.
My therapist (saw him today) is 10 yrs younger than me. Felt funny at first, but now
it's a solid patient/therapist relationship.
Keep us updated, and come back often to talk, vent, share, support. We can use your experience, strength and hope...
Best to you , Ann.

Wolfstarr