BigChrisfilm

Ok, I am suppossed to be on Paxil. I used to use drugs and drink, I stoped drugs and started drinking, changed alot of things, had some panic attacks, got on Zoloft, got depressed, quit Zoloft, started taking Paxil, started using drugs again, quit paxil. Now, here is the thing, I still have anxiety really bad, at night I am afraid to go to sleep, because I think I will not wake up, why? Because I think there is something wrong with me, but I don't know what it is, I have thought that ever since I started having panic attacks, before acually. It seems like it is getting worse, I mad a panic attack last night, and I am confussed, because I don't know if it was a panic attack or I was dieing, and all of a sudden stoped. In the back of my mind I know it was a panic attack, but I can't allow myself to except that as the answer, I want to think it is something worse. Anyway, on to the point, I was kicked out of my parents house because of drugs, and I am now off drugs (4 M 13 D) and as you can see I think I need to start taking my medicine again. Problem: My parents don;t believe that I have a painc problem, even though once they had to take me to the hospital while I was having an attack. They think it is all about the drugs I was doing? I don't have insurance, so I would have to pay the doctor bill, and for the medicine, which I don't think my parents would want me to do. I don't know what to do, because my parents think that Paxic is the devil, but I can't put my mind a ease? What should I do?

Wolfstarr

BigChrisfilm,

Welcome to SR.
It sure sounds like a panic attack to me. Talk this over with your Dr.
Are you a minor? If not, then follow the dr orders and take what is prescribed. Your parents sound very controlling...if you are a minor, ask to talk to your Dr in private and tell her/him your concerns.

There is help for this. Don't give up! You can find peace and your mind will ease...
Come back and talk to us, let us know how you are doing...

I feel for you, and you will be in my thoughts...
Prayers and Peace to you,

angelgirl

Hey Chris,

Wow,, You described me exactly!!! I have never had anyone explain my panic/sleep issue so well, not even myself!!!!!! This is so weird..

Ok, my life is a bit different than yours, but wow, do we ever have alot, alot, of similarities..

See, I also am an opiate addict.. Been clean since April 6 thsi year.. This is the longest I have ever been clean, since I started thsi horrible disease, called addiction. I do believe it's a disease, don't know your beliefs.

I started pain killers for a legit reason,, a girl thing,, then a surgery, a hysterectomy,
that was horribly painful, then continued on because I had to go back to work, and my anxiety was so bad, I wasn't able to control it, but I believe i was already addicted,, by the time I went back to work in 8 weeks. I had withdrawals. Plus, I have 4 kids, and a husband that works very long hours, so he had time to do nothing in the house, or with the kids, and I was working shift work, 12 hour shifts,, nights and days,, It was all to much for me after so many years, I just felt I could no longer do it, BUT,,, with the pills, I found I was wonderwoman,, I could do it all, and still find time to walk a couple miles, at least 4-5 or more days a week. I never, ever sat down.
I was slowly getting sicker, and sicker..

then, if it was anything for you, like it was for me,, the PILLS CHANGED,, they went from giving me mounds of energy, to completely zapping every ounce of energy that I had, I hit the point where i did nothing, except, lay on the couch, ALL DAY LONG..
I could't do anything,, no energy,, and I was constantly sick, always. My anxiety just grew worse and worse over time,, I was just so sick.

To make a long story short. I attended many treatments, had to give up my job, and still continued to use and relapse, for a couple years. It has been quite a battle for me..

I am on Suboxone, don't knwo if you have ever heard of it before, but it's used to help stop the drug cravings, and withdrawals.. So, it has helped me to stay clean.. Which i am very proud of.. I'm sure you are as well. I also attend, Celebrate Recovery,,
a christian 12 step group.. Which has also helped me alot. I put alot of my faith in god.. I need that very much. I have struggled so, I feel god has helped me really alot, recently. I am stills truggling, but I am slowly getting there..

I just am struggling so with this Horrid anxiety.. I too have the same sleep issues you have. I don't think I have really ever even admitted to myself the things you said that I read tonight, about your sleep issues. Feeling that you are afraid to go to sleep.. I always just tell everyone that I can't sleep, but,, ya knwo, I do feel that I too am afraid to sleep. I suffer from such anxiety issues. I can be sitting, doing nothing, and all of a sudden,, boom,, my anxiety is sky high.. My heart is off to the races. A full blown anxiety attack. It has gotten so bad at times, that I can't even think abotu an anxiety attack, or even say it, orI begin to shake. That is SICK!! I am SOOO tired of living this way. I do feel god has been helping me lately with my anxiety, when I put my trust in him.. Really put my trust in him. But at times, I am hit with it, and I don't even have time to think.

I am tired of not sleeping.. I am tired of anxiety.
I am with ya, I knwo how you feel. There si hope though. I will begin seeing a new doctor next week.

I can tell you that I don't work and I have put my family, (husband and kids) in some pretty severe financial situations.. But, I have been through much treatment, and detoxes. I dont exactly knwo where you live, or How OLD you are? BUT, there is free
medical care out there in most places in the States, if you live here? If you don't work,, and are over 18. You should be able to get some free help, and if not, call around, you would be suprised, other places often go on a pay scale, and of course you can't pay when you don't work, but when you do work, you pay according to your income. If you have no insurance.

You should get on the phone, and start calling around, you might be suprised at what you find, as far as help.

See, I have decided now that, I can't be a part of my family, or any help to anyone, or even a functioning part of society, if I don't recieve the mental health help that I need, so I do get alot of help. I just make appts. I discuss the finacial with the finacial peopel at the clinic I am being seen at, and I go. I HAVE to have help, even if I can't pay for it.

So PLEASE,, call around, check out your options out there. There is help available.
My dad told me of a website he heard of tonight, not sure where he heard of it, and I haven't been there yet, but the website is,
www.depressionhurts.com
I believe that's it, if not try, .org instead of .com Like I said, I have not looked into it yet. You can also look into the net, do esearches, for government websites, with mental health info. of just type in stuff like where do I get help for mental health..
There si just so much to try looking at.. Just keep on trying. It's best to get help.

So you see, we do share some of the same anxiety issues. Also the same drug problem, although we are both clean.

Please dont hesitate to PM me.. Or message me back here on this board.. I will be interested in hearing from you..
I wish you well.

God bless,
Love and prayers.
Becky

Bluberry

Hey - BigChris Film - welcome to SR! I've only been apart of this post for a few days now - maybe a week - and it has helped me worlds. I mean, I haven't opened up fully about all of my problems... but I know everyone here is completely supportive and understanding. No judgement. I guess I'm just having trouble figuring some things out for myself - the things that I haven't discussed. But just reading some of these posts really help.
I actually saw my psychiatrist today for my PTSD, panic attacks and sleeping problems. See, I've been so afraid to see a psychiatrist again because I saw countless ones for years - and they either didn't help at all, or made things worse. I've been on many differant pills for my mental instability and insomnia/nightmares. Including Paxil. I've been on paxil 3 solid times. Two of the times it was an absolute life saver. Yeah, it kind of put my life on hold because they had to put me on such high doses, but I required that.
Anyway, wow, thats a tough situation. My parents were always supportive of any psych help I got; except when I finnally let loose that I was going to move out after I turned 17. Then, suddenly, my mom believed that my therapists were all against her, when really, they were just trying to be there for me.
Not a whole lot of advice that I can give, but Wolfstarr and Angelgirl seem to know what to say. Also, (sorry if this was mentioned and I forgot it or missed it) there are ways to work around the insurance part. When I was planning to leave my parents house, I wanted to be prepared for the worst; I didn't know if I could still have my mom's insurance or not, and I'm a diabetic and must have some kind of help to pay for these medicines. My therapist said that there are programs that can help you. Can't remember and don't know what, but there are.

Good luck and best wishes to you!