ruff

Hi,

I'm a homicide survivor (PTSD 9 years now) and am trying to write an article on what it's like to be on a jobhunt with all that on your back. So far, I've got "it sucks," but I need 998 words more.

Would anyone like to share with me any relevant jobhunting anecdotes? I can guarantee your anonymity. If you'd like to post here and send me an e-mail that's fine, or just e-mail if that's better for you.

I have posted my brother's story on another website. If you'd like to read it, please e-mail me for the link. If it would "get to you" in any way, shape or form, do NOT read it; it was very bad.

Thanks in advance for your help.
Jack

Don W

Hi Jack, Welcome to SR. One thing that has helped me with PTSD and dealing with jobs, family and people, is a course I took at the VA Hospital. This was a class in Cognitive Theraphy. In my case and what I've heard from others, is having trouble with the perceptions of others actions. We have learned many wrong lessons in life and we apply it to our dealings with others. Anyway, I do. I would assume at a job interview they n knew stuff they couldn't possibly know. I would apply negitive meaning to every word they spoke. I've been working at Children's for 2 years and had to explain my being let go after 3 months from another hospital. The course in cognitive theraphy helped me focus on the other 20 years I had in the medical field. I'l get a copy of the work sheet and post it. I'm going to VA Hospital Monday so, I'll post Monday night. There is help and hope, we just need to find it. We here at SR can help. Keep posting. Don W

Morning Glory

Hi Jack,

Can you tell us who you are writing the article for?

Thanks,
MG

ruff

Hi, Don - Thanks! Please steer anyone you care to my way. I hadn't thought of the things you mentioned. (By the way, I registered under my dog's name because my three alternatives were already taken!)
Jack

ruff

MG

I can say that it's a large American newspaper, but they're pretty tight-lipped.

ruff

My response to my brother's murder was to pretty much overdo everything that was bad for me: beer, food, anything that was on hand. Murder is hard to take because it's only because of someone's intention that the victim is dead. In other words, someone wanted him dead, and succeeded. I had lost both parents by then, and there was now nobody left in my immediate family. I was 42, and I guess I should be grateful that they all lasted as long as they did. But I wasn't feeling especially grateful.

I always felt that my brother would die sooner than me, just because he was seven years older. No one can anticipate a murder. If you haven't lived it, you only know hypotheticals, like Kitty Dukakis's "murder" in that 1988 debate. All was not peaches and cream between me and James. For many years we were estranged; I didn't approve of his drinking, which had taken over his life in his late 20's; it was hard to talk to him on the phone because his thick drawl now had a drunken slur to it. But we had reconciled that February. He told me he had felt he was always the "bad sheep" of the family. I lied and said he wasn't, then hugged him so hard his boots came off the ground. He had months of sobriety after that, and didn't die drunk. I know that because the ME was able to stick a needle in what was left of an eye and collect vitreous fluid for testing. I also know the exact weight and size of all of Jim's organs, which were excised, plopped in a butcher's scale, then sewn into a bag and stuffed inside his body cavity like a turkey.

For years, James had tormented me as only a big brother can a little brother; little things that added up to a big load of frustration and fear. As a small child, I hoped that something really, REALLY bad would happen to him someday, and HE'D know what it was like to be helpless, maybe even get killed (which I thought of as vanishing). And after about 40 years, it happened.

I developed tremendous survivor guilt soon after the funeral and post-traumatic stress disorder within four months. I was typing at my keyboard and my hands just froze in midair. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a videotape was playing in an endless loop. I saw Jim being killed, over and over. I went to see a psychiatrist my wife knew. I told her what was happening while she looked at me intently. "I want you to go to _ Clinic and check into their PTSD program," she said. "Uh ... okay, when?" I asked. "Right now." "You mean today." "No, now." I wondered just how bad I must look, but went.

Morning Glory

Hi Jack,

I am really sorry that you lost your brother in such a horrible way. I went through my husband's suicide and really understand that loop of replaying it every minute. It's all I saw for the longest time.

I developed Social Anxiety along with my PTSD. It's what would make job hunting very difficult for me. Agoraphobia also came with the PTSD making it very hard to go out. I've also heard this a lot on the forum here. Driving can also be very difficult. I really believe that the anxiety and panic that is felt with PTSD is not understood so it is projected onto other things, which then become phobias. There are a lot of phobias that can interfere with normal functioning. Fear of driving, fear of leaving the security at home, fear of germs, fear of strangers or meetings or crowds, fear of dying, etc.

Here are a couple of links.

http://www.drdonnica.com/fastfacts/00007842.htm

http://pages.infinit.net/drnayman/agorapho.htm

nodope

Dear Jack, and Morning Glory, I am so, so sorry for your pain.

This THREAD is incredible. The anxiety, the fear of driving. Actually all the negatives, and just plain fear. It can be comforting to know there are other people that actually understand.

May I ask this? If a person suffered the murder of their very dear loved one back in the day before therapy, and all of the wonderful services we now have.....could that trauma actually have dictated how their whole life went?

My mom's Grandpop who raised her was murdered in the fifties. He was murdered the night before Easter. My mom was still a child. When she woke in the morning she was told to put on her new Easter clothes, and then they all went to Church. She knew the house was filled with people, and they told her about her beloved Pop. She was instructed not to cry, and to hold her head up, and continue with the Easter day as instructed.

My mom is in her Sixties. It was seldom spoke of, and she always spoke up regarding the death penalty. She sternly told us that none of her family attended the trial because that would not bring Pop-Pop back. When my dad died suddenly on Christmas morning right in front of my own daughter who he was raising I couldn't help but think.....here goes another holiday for mommy. She promptly followed the ambulance out the door after holding my dad as he died. NO TEARS!!!! Stop that crying. Calm down. **** Now when my mom talks about my daughter, and how she is suffering, and how bad she feels for her I SWEAR she means herself. Another words what happened to her now happened to my daughter***** I really think she internally is meaning herself as a little girl.

Sorry for this rambling post, but this all made so much sense to me. I mean can a child of ten just have the man who is her world shot dead, and just GET OVER IT?????? My German upbringing is driving me bats. Hello!!! People cry. If they don't they are going to abuse something as mentioned above.

Thank you guys. Oh what a strange, and wonderful family I have. I have sought counseling for my little girl as fainting, and going into shock are definately a response to watching my dad die under a Christmas tree. My mom claims I am crazy, and she will be crazy going to therapy. HELP!!!!!

Morning Glory

nodope,

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I would agree that your daughter needs counseling. Mark had a post with a link where he mentioned the importance of debriefing after trauma and how it can help prevent future problems. I'll try to find that article for you.

I went through trauma as a child and totally blocked out the memory to cope with it. If there had been someone to talk to at the time it would have saved me years of pain and dysfunctional living.

I know there is grief counseling for children. You might ask the school counselor for a referral. I think it's better to find someone who specializes in the problem than just picking someone who might not be good. I've seen some pretty bad therapists in my day so don't be afraid to be picky. If it's not helping find another therapist. The most common problem I've found is the therapists just say "no problem" they're fine. I missed many opportunities for counseling when my son was young for this reason. Be pushy and get what you need.

I wouldn't push much with your mother. Her reality is built on many blocks and it may harm her if the wall cracks suddenly. She is using many coping methods that she learned as a child and they are holding her life together right now. She needs them. If she changes it will happen when she is ready. I went through my PTSD and trauma without help. They didn't even have a word for a panic attack back then. My healing happened spontaneously when I was ready. I just gave everything it's own name, lol. I was so surprised to find out they had a diagnosis and a name for everything I went through.

We're here for you and the support you need.

Hugs,
MG

Morning Glory

Here is the link to Mark's article.

http://www.psybersquare.com/anxiety/...ase_study.html

Here is the link to PTSD - Critical Incident Debriefing

http://www.psybersquare.com/anxiety/post_critical.html

nodope

Morning Glory, You are the sweetest, and kindest angel.

Thank you so very much. I am Blessed.

ruff

Hi, folks - thanks for your responses. I'm sorry not to get back to you sooner. I actually found I was reliving things a little TOO much as my research went on, and then thought, hmm, maybe it's not a good idea to identify yourself with PTSD if you're looking for a job! Most of the world doesn't understand "mental disorders", all of which equate to "nuts" and "a big liability for the company." But I tried.