bayliss

Hello everyone,

I think I'm an alcoholic :/ I keep going back and forth but I also have some big anxiety problems. I never had a lot of anxiety growing up...and just started to feel worse and worse the past 2 years...I have been drinking for three...so I don't know if alcohol is the culprit and is the one that made my anxiety worse...
I also believe that I suffer from OCD - I have all the "symptoms" of it but I have not been diagnosed by a doctor.
Anyways...I don't know what to do anymore and if I need a change in my life to help me battle all this anxiety.
I know for one, that I need to stop drinking...I was sober for 15 days, then drank for 5 then was sober for around 17 days and I drank last night...and I have anxiety today and feel like it always gets worse after a night of binge drinking...
I just got back from vacation...2 weeks in the States where my parents live and I didn't drink and had next to no anxiety or ruminating thoughts. I felt at peace and calm and just felt great...I carried this calm feeling with me back home but it just isn't working. I don't like my living conditions and I hate my job which also causes a great deal of anxiety.
I know that I should be making my own decisions (another problem of mine) but I just need opinions...should I just quit my job if I hate it so much? Should I move somewhere away from where I am now if I want to feel happier?
I hate my apartment...I feel closed in or trapped...I have to constantly live by these "rules" and am always stressed...
I don't know...I guess I am just unhappy where I am...not all the time...but I just want to have my own place...work somewhere where I get paid even the same amount but don't get treated like sh*t.
The anxiety and stress is just too much sometimes.
I am trying not to self-medicate and I don't want to take my benzo's as those are addictive...and will only take them when I have a panic attack...
I just don't know.
Any advice?

Thanks for listening to my rambling. Lol. Today is obviously not a good day.

Freedom1990

Alcohol always increased my anxiety level in the long run.

I found that by embracing recovery and being committed to AA, my anxiety started to subside.

I'm not anxiety-free but it's much less and very manageable.

nandm

As long as I was drinking my anxiety was unmanageable. Yes, it did seem to get worse during the first few months of not drinking because I did not know how to live life without drinking which increased my anxiety. That is where a program of recovery was key to me. It taught me how to live without drinking. Living without drinking allows my anxiety to be treatable. It is a symptom of deeper mental health issues that I am addressing. Those issues could not be addressed while I was drinking. Ultimately my only hope for getting rid of the anxiety is to stay sober and keep working with mental health professionals.

bayliss

Is it possible though that drinking brought on anxiety? I mean, before drinking I was just fine. I didn't have any issues...then when the drinking became worse so did the anxiety...especially after I started drinking on weekends before noon. I don't know...
I just feel like I need a change...that it will help in aiding me along in my sobriety.

Thanks guys for posting.

nandm

That is a good question but one that there really is no way of answering. It is a which came first the chicken or the egg question. At this point for me it no longer matters if the anxiety is a product of the alcoholism or if the alcoholism is a product of the anxiety. They are both real problems for me that I need to address.

bayliss

Thanks Nandm,

Definitely agree with you. My anxiety and alcoholism are two things I need to deal with seriously as well. I am trying to address the root of my anxiety but am confused and a bit lost when I sit there and try to figure out what it is that I am anxious about.
I also believe that I have a bit of OCD. I think that is a problem with my "all or nothing" approach to drinking and everything else...

For some reason I knew that next person that was going to post would bring up the chicken or egg thing...definitely agree though...
I guess you have to deal with things one at a time.

I hope you get better soon...and share your success and how you progressed with all of us.

nandm

Are you seeing a professional for your anxiety? I know that i was really lost when I tried to deal with it on my own. It was quite overwhelming. I know there are varied opinions about medications for anxiety but there are some very useful ones out there that may benefit you right now. It might be worth looking into them. Also there are the non medication routes such as yoga, meditation, mindfulness, therapy, breathing techniques, etc.... All of which are beneficial.

As far as my anxiety goes I am not sure that it will ever be completely resolved. I think the best I can hope for is to learn how to live with it and not let it rule my life. Unfortunately between the bipolar depressions and the PTSD it makes it difficult to work on the anxiety issues without triggering another dangerous depression. But all one can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and not give up.

Take care and I do hope you find a solution.

bayliss

I was seeing someone for my anxiety...and have been prescribed pristiq for it and depression...to be quite honest though I don't know if I am "clinically depressed"...or ever have been...I think I may have been misdiagnosed in that area...mind you, the anxiety and the boozing is making me quite sad...here we go with the chicken and egg thing again.
I also have been prescribed Ativan for extreme anxiety, which I stay away from unless it gets pretty bad.

I am definitely trying to explore every avenue possible to deal with the anxiety. I am working on a CBT book on my own at the moment and have lots of books on it by Claire Weekes and David Burns.
I will definitely start looking into yoga and meditating as I hear these are great for anxiety and panic.

I hope everything works out for you in the end nandm.
How have you been doing with your sobriety/anxiety?

Freedom1990

I don't know if I have OCD, but I can relate to the all or nothing approach. I battled that for many years after I got sober.

It caused me a lot of anxiety and frustration for sure.

Today I realize it doesn't have to be that way. It's okay to be less than perfect, and acceptance of that has brought me much peace.

I really was put to the test when I was in college full-time and realized I was never going to be a "perfect" academic wonder! I finally realized that B's and even C's were okay and all I could do was my best.

I graduated this past spring, and all that matters is my degrees, not the grades. I did it!

Sending you hugs of support!