My PTSD exhibiting new flashback
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
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My PTSD exhibiting new flashback
As some of you may know, I suffer from PTSD related to two attempted date rapes I went through in my early twenties. It comes out in strange ways such as 9/11. I had a great aunt that walked by the Twin Towers at the time of the planes crashing into it. Although she was fine (had left for her winter home the week before) I also lost two internet co-workers. This set off my symptoms which included feeling walls were caving in and irrational fears in stairwells etc. After several years this began to dissipate as long as I avoided obvious triggers such as 9/11 anniversary television shows etc.
A few days ago a friend was talking about all these body searches at the airports. I have only flown when necessary, maybe six times in my life, as my family and I have always been in love with trains. In fact, I haven't flown in twenty years even though I happen to love commercial jet planes (see my avatar of the L-1011 as an example) and used to love the layouts, the feeling of take-off and landing etc.
When this TSA thing came up, for some reason it brought back memories of seeing Alaska Airlines 261 turn upside down and then go straight down. At the time the person with me thought it was simply another missile being tested from the nearby air force base but I knew it was a MD-80 (Super 80) so I knew immediately this was a going to cause a lot of death.
So now about every third time I close my eyes I see the sky with the plane coming down. If I don't open them, I'm back near the beach watching it go down, feeling the ocean breeze. I always have to have music going or my computer running a movie or television to keep my brain off of this, so when I close my eyes I see the show or tv screen.
Normally I go to sleep with sound going. Now I need my computer on full screen with a full video so that I go to sleep with a visual substitute before my eyes close and I see the plane.
I just needed to write this and if anyone has other ways to avoid having these flashbacks when I close my eyes I'd appreciate it.
A few days ago a friend was talking about all these body searches at the airports. I have only flown when necessary, maybe six times in my life, as my family and I have always been in love with trains. In fact, I haven't flown in twenty years even though I happen to love commercial jet planes (see my avatar of the L-1011 as an example) and used to love the layouts, the feeling of take-off and landing etc.
When this TSA thing came up, for some reason it brought back memories of seeing Alaska Airlines 261 turn upside down and then go straight down. At the time the person with me thought it was simply another missile being tested from the nearby air force base but I knew it was a MD-80 (Super 80) so I knew immediately this was a going to cause a lot of death.
So now about every third time I close my eyes I see the sky with the plane coming down. If I don't open them, I'm back near the beach watching it go down, feeling the ocean breeze. I always have to have music going or my computer running a movie or television to keep my brain off of this, so when I close my eyes I see the show or tv screen.
Normally I go to sleep with sound going. Now I need my computer on full screen with a full video so that I go to sleep with a visual substitute before my eyes close and I see the plane.
I just needed to write this and if anyone has other ways to avoid having these flashbacks when I close my eyes I'd appreciate it.
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