2stop

Since I was a little girl I always felt it was my duty and I MUST try and save everyone around me, from their pain and fear and suffering I would rush to their side at any sign of distress. While I was in so much agony and terror i got caught up in puting my needs aside. I now MUST attend to my innermost fears and agonies. You can run but you can't hide applies here....lol.

This ordeal with my dad darn near dying has really riled up some issues that I kinda sorta thought I had resolved. My childhood was a daily encounter with life and death adrenaline rushes followed by the scariest stillnesses imaginable, always ready and waiting for the strike of madness to beat upon my head.

I have to mentally get beyond that place. I thougth I had. But I have not. I am soooo tired. I have some serious medical issues. I've lost over 40 pounds the past few months and some days i think what's the use trying to mend my head? my body is so broken.

I don't want to give up but I feel so give out. so incredibly tired. I hate seeing my kids fear my death and having to watch me suffer. I feel like I've been sucked down a dark and lonely hole. Maybe I am more depressed than I think. But I know if I wasn't so physcally sick I could overcome anything. I am getting so weak. I can't be there for my family like i should and that alone is killing me. I am waiting to see another specialst, but I am frustrated with doctors. I am frustrated with everything.

Live

(((((((((((((((((((Tammie)))))))))))))))

We have a thread in the newcomers daily support forum on codependency...it has alot to do with that rushing to take care of others and balancing our needs and rights to take care of ourselves first.

magicmalu

Let me give you a 3 tips. Follow it. Just follow it.

1) Walk 20 minutes per day. without any exception.
2) Always think 'everything will be fine. Just don't think negative.
3) Keep a to-do list for a day of your needs, and do it daily.