keenan

I cant sleep. Ive had really heightened anxiety for last week and its got pretty bad now. I am imagining all sorts of things wrong with me, mostly liver disease as i was told my doc at Christmas my liver enzymes were slightly raised. i had felt itchy on left side of tummy, under ribs for a few months and didnt know why,then read that itchy skin is a sign of liver disease so now i am up the walls with fear. I dont know what other symptoms are coz im afraid to google. i cant sleep because of the worry, and dont want to talk to anyone because they will think im nuts. i am having problems all week with boyfriend and dont know if thats what is causing my anxiety to be worse or what.

readyforhelp

Good Morning Keenan,

I just wanted to tell you that there are plenty of people that will not think you are nuts. I have experienced debilitating anxiety as well. I understand what you are feeling and I'm pulling for your change. At least you are taking baby steps by coming here and writing. Have a good day, and I hope you feeling a little less anxious today.

keenan

Thanks for your post. Im not feeling good, im in a bad way and cant stop scratching my tummy and dont know if its from anxiety or liver disease and im terrified, cant eat or sleep

lunarise

keenan

I am sorry you are having anxiety. I suffer from it also. I suggest telling your doc about it as soon as you are able. As far as the fear about liver disease, IF you did have it, which is doubtful, you in all likely hood aren't in any danger tonight. You will be fine till you can get checked again by your doctor. All I can say is to try and limit your stress right now, do things that calm you, even small things can help, a warm blanket, some soft music....I really do feel your pain and I hope it passes soon. PM me if ya need to chat. :ghug

readyforhelp

Some times you have to look at things like bandaids. Just rip it off. I understand you are afraid of having liver disease, and afraid to google it, but what does that leave you with: The really bad head trip. I thought I had breast cancer, I was convinced because of some burning sensation. That was it for me. I was done. You know what, I don't have breast cancer, but the ride I took myself on in my head was the worst.
I really hope you get feeling better, my friend. I totally understand what you are writing about. It's gonna be okay, though. I swear.

readyforhelp

vividserenity has some good suggestions: warm blanket, soft music. How about herbal tea, warm milk. Hot bath.

gerryP

Hi Keenan and good to see you back on SR.

So sorry to hear about your anxiety ~ anxiety can feel like a long torturous death.

I have been in the sobriety business (my sobriety) for almost 4 years, which isn't a long, long while, but during that time I have heard LOTS of people reporting "slightly elevated liver enzymes" It is the most common consequence of alcohol abuse and the first sign that your liver is being affected. Our liver is a filter for everything we consume and gets rid of toxins. If you were to consume too many aspirin over years, one's liver enzymes will be elevated.

As I to you last week, slightly elevated enzymes IS NOT liver disease, it is a sign that your liver is affected and will continue to get worse if you were to continue drinking, but the liver is one of the few organs that can revive itself. Liver enzymes can return to a normal count one alcohol consumption has ceased within 3-6 months.

While the internet is a great source for information, googling should never take the place of a Dr. consultation. When your Dr. told you your enzymes were elevated, what else did he tell you? Obviously not liver disease.

The first while can be very stressful and emotions and anxiety is doing 90 when we stop drinking and having boyfriend problems doesn't help. Please take care of yourself. great suggestions on how to do that. Think about speaking to your Dr. about your anxiety and ask he/she to explain the findings from your last appointment. Also, itchy skin? dry skin, an allergy to something you are eating, change in soap, lotion, laundry detergent, fabric you are wearing?

Good luck to you keenan.

keenan

thanks gerry. You dont know how much the replies mean to me as Im going through this very much alone and right now with the b/f trouble i also dont have his support. I have recently starting counselling for being raped by someone i loved very much and the feelings of hurt i am going through now with my boyfriend (if he still is) are all bringing it back to me. I am unable to voice my hurt or fears, even to those closest to me, and unable to cry since the rape , the only thing i was doing was using drink as a crutch and now i dont have that. The only place i feel safe to say how I feel is on here so replies really really help, thank you.

gerryP

OH, Keenan......

I don't think there is anything I can tell you except that I can validate your feelings of having gone through such a traumatic experience and I'm happy to hear that you are finding the strength to work through it with a professional. I can only imagine. I'm sorry.

This may seem unthinkable to you at this time, but what might you think about taking a break from your boyfriend? This is a difficult time and having a boyfriend who isn't as supportive as you would like and need is something else thrown into the mix to deal with. This time is about YOU. Thinking of you keenan and post away until the pads of your fingers hurt please. LOL

keenan

thanks gerry. the worst part for me right now is not knowing whether my boyfriend of 5 months is breaking up with me or not. He cancelled our date last weekend and again tonight as he said tomorrow suits him better. I was so upset as he promised me on thursday night he wouldnt let me down this time. He rang this morning and i couldnt talk on the phone as I was so upset and he'd said he'd ring me back, that was 3hrs ago and he hasnt rang back. I feel he is has gone off me as he has cancelled dates twice, and even though he knows im upset he hasnt felt the need to call to see how i am or even ring back. normally when something like this happened i would hit the wine, but im not this time and i cant bear the hurt and the not knowing. I know i could ask him out straight if he is breaking up with so id know one way or the other, but if he says he is i dont know how im gonna deal with that, sober!

Freedom1990

Keenan, there isn't anything so bad that drinking can't make it worse, hon.

When I start to feel anxious, I work very hard at staying in the moment. So much of my anxiety stems from getting ahead, worrying about the future.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

keenan

I havnt given in to the wine yet and instead im just drinking water and bought some green tea that someone on here recommended to me. I want to have a glass of wine so much as it will take the edge of the pain inside i feel and the anxiety. right now b/f is texting me asking why its such a big deal that he wants to see me tomorrow night instead of tonight and for first time i sent a completely honest SOBER answer back, saying its because i feel he changes his plans with me because i am not important to him and that hurts me and makes me really upset but that to pretend to him that i dont mind and its ok to change plans with me is making me a liar to myself and i dont want to be dishonest to him or me. Very deep for a man, especially one who is used to his girlfriend being all fun and easy going and basically a doormat. So he'll probably run screaming for the hills now.

gerryP

Well....

If your boyfriend was to end your relationship, you will handle it the best you can without drinking. As Freedom says and is very true, there isn't anything so bad, that drinking won't make worse.

Wine was my medicine for a long time, but I'll tell you...I went through far worse circumstances while I was sober than I did while I was drinking and i did it, because I am committed to drinking NOT EVER, being an option. One never gets through pain nor heals properly when alcohol is used as treatment.

gerryP

I think you needed to say that to your boyfriend keenan. Good for you and as you said yourself, first time you sent a message back sober.That has to feel good. You are making your feelings known and asking that he respect you. You don't want to be a doormat do you?

keenan

No Gerry, I dont want to be a doormat. Something massive has just happened to me, I cried! I havnt cried since the rape many years ago. I had a dream last night that my grandmother was pushing me in the back and i kept telling her not too because she was hurting me but she kept doing it, and then i was just about to start crying when i woke up and all day ive felt this big horrible anxious feeling inside and it got really really strong and then i just burst into tears. the bad thing was though that my son is here, and i couldnt let him see me so i had to go into the bathroom and stuff a towel in my mouth and then fix my makeup so he didnt see. theres loads more in there though! I havnt heard back from my b/f since i sent that text.

gerryP

This is good news! i bet you have soooo much bottled up inside and it's finally coming to the surface. That's another great thing about quitting drinking, emotions are felt healing begins. Let it go when it comes, it's healthy and natural. I din't start crying until the end of year two, so I'm jealous. lol

Are you afraid that your boyfriend is going to tell you he's ending it?

keenan

Yes I am afraid but my sis who knows him reckons im being totally paranoid. he said that he doesnt understand what hes done wrong (i.e. change date from tonight till tomorrow, he also cancelled a date last weekend to go to a stag do) that he is angry as i am upset and he made me upset. I said i didnt feel important to him and he said that i am important to him. My sis says "there you go, it doesnt sound like he wants to break up with you". I dont know. We've been together 5mths.

gerryP

Well, if he told you that you are important to him, you may be just fearing the worst. So much is going on when we stop drinking, I felt very vulnerable.

If this is normal behaviour for him, then maybe you really don't have anything to worry about keenan.

keenan

When he said that he was angry that he upset me but he didnt understand what he'd done wrong, i text back "i know you dont understand, thats because your a man and im a woman". Because he probably will never get it! but he never replied so that must have annoyed him, i meant it light-heartedly. gosh its 6.30pm on a friday evening and im sober!!!

gerryP

How are you doing there Keenan?