update
update
don't think I can hold out till Oct 1. Life is hell there is an apartment advertised right beside work. Have no faith is the other apartment. Check it out by cab tommoraw. ot involved with hubs at all or his friends. sorry burbling.
There ar no sheters here. I will go check out the other apt tomorrow. Right beside work and no phone. the other apt is hubbys friend and his wife. She is madcause I told hubs she also took full advantage years ago and does not want hubby to know. dicking me around so I will get right out the realm completely. Guess people cant handle truth. My joho upbringing coming back to haunt me. Its a big world not the be alll end all. just have to face it and live it. Am Hamging in there. thanks
good morning I am here, I am locking myself away today. Just need a day off of stress and decievers. I have my seven kittens with me to keep me occupied mother got killed on the road and we picked her up yesterday on my way to work. hub buried her yesterday. Kittens had fist hard food and still have to wipe them to help them go doo doo. not sober still bingiging and probably till I see doc on monday.
At least I'm safe. You guys and kittens. love you all.
At least I'm safe. You guys and kittens. love you all.
two panick attack todayso far.I give, I am binging big time. So tired of defending self and just so damned tired. Havn't the energy to fight off the labels. going to be vey drunk thats what everybody here thinks and expects. Hubby has trained them well. Damn it I hate them all and mysel more fore giving in.
have slept, probably rank more beer today than I have my entire life, completely anorexic and waiting fo tomorrow. Declined the apartment by phone. hubbys friends not mine but still will find my way out. Saw hub and hs new friend at barn, he asked why there are no ribbons on car for mental health. Hubbytold meto **** off. I did
Im sorry a weak moment and binged really heavily yesterday. I'm ok sick, embarrassed, ashamed, seeing psychiatrist tommorow. this breaking up stuff is getting to me. sometimes I don't think I'll ever get over the abuse, feel like i'm going crazy over it, think maybe time to see a therapist as well, Will set it up when I get moved into town and join AA.
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