tanya

I was hitchikiing when i was 17rs old and i was pregnant with my first child when i was picked up by a seemingly nice truck driver.We spent at least 24 hrs(on the road) talking about his wife and kids my life , he bought ciggs. and food and we got along fine.When we reached his destination it was night time out in the middle of no where in semi valley ca.We were to stay in the truck all night.He tryed to talk me into going to the bed of the truck , i refused and told him i was not tired that i would just hang out in the front seat listening to my walkman.This enraged him so he tryed to pull me back there, i struggled, couldnt unlock the door,he had aholdof my shirt and i finally opened the door my shirt ripped off completely.Barefooted and no shirt on i ran screaming for help ,leaving all of my stuff in the truck,he caught me as i was beating on the door of a neighbering truck,they shut their light off and pretended to not be there,he caught me,choking me then grabbed my hair with a knife to my neck told me to **** him or he'd kill me,all the while i'm screaming to God to help me somehow i kick the rather large man off me ,i guess i kicked him where it counted because i was able to get get away,hitchiking on the freeway with only a bra no shoes,ripped pants,i caught a ride but soon after i jumped out of there car while it was going freaking out.(twice)Since then I have never really been the same.

Morning Glory

Hello tanya,

Welcome to the forum. I'm so glad you joined us. I know how these events can cause damage that has a lasting effect on us. At 17 we are still forming our identity. When our self esteem is hurt and our trust damaged at this age it really causes problems for us later.

I'm not sure if you have anxiety now or panic attacks or the other symptoms that go along with trauma, but you are safe to talk about it here. We've all experienced trauma in one form or another.

Please feel free to browse around. Some of the information posts are older than 45 days so click on show posts from the beginning at the bottom of the main page to see all the posts.

Hugs,
MG

tanya

i cant be in a house by myself without being paranoid especially at night,even with my boyfreind next to me at night ,i lock all the doors leading to the bedroom,if i hear a noise outside the room i lay there in the dark, my heart panics, i start sweating and cant stop looking at the windows,closet,and both doors,sometimes i have to turn the tv. back on with the sound down just to go to sleep,and i hate leaving the tv. on.Ive been like this ever since i can remember back.

Morning Glory

Hi tanya,

Have you tried any medication? I recently started Prozac after 30 years of going it alone and it has really helped me. I can remember doing everything you've explained and I'm over that now. It will get better. I can't even tell you why it got better for me, but I know the more I faced the memories the better things got. I'm hardly ever afraid now.

I can remember laying in bed next to my husband and reaching over and checking his hands for knives. I may have had a real reason to fear that, but all that fear went away eventually.

Keep talking about it and check into medication. There are numerous medications available that are non addictive.

Hugs,
MG

tanya

I have a drug problem 99 days clean dont want to do drugs in any form, might relapse.So im still staying up late ,cant sleep still paranoid, dont like it.thanks for replying though,if you feel like talking keep typing i'll be here,for suggestions or such.

Morning Glory

I can understand that Tanya. Do whatever it takes to stay clean. Some of the anxiety you are feeling may be because you are facing these issues without the drugs. I've also heard that many have anxiety when they stop using. I think time is on your side here.

We're here if you need to talk or vent.

Congratulations on your clean time !!!!!

Hugs,
MG

tanya

your words alone and being able to write to someone are comfoting.