My first post here, I need some help and don't know where to look
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 2
My first post here, I need some help and don't know where to look
I really don't know how to begin this other than to jump right in. I am most definitely an alcoholic by any definition of the word I have seen. I am 26 years old now, my problem began at age 22 when I began drinking alone to help cope with insomnia issues and general anxiety problems. For the last 4 years I have drank nearly every night, anywhere from 8 to 14 beers a night ( or an equivalent amount in liquor or wine ). About 3 months ago I decided to attempt to clean up and stop this before I incur health problems due to the amount that I had been consuming. For around 40 days I abstained from drinking, until I got this feeling of being " in control " again. At this point I decided to start drinking again in a controlled and moderated manner. Needless to say this did not work out so well. I went from only having a few beers 2 or 3 nights a week to drinking a 6 pack 2 or 3 nights a week. At this point I set a rule for myself " never go over a 6 pack ", but soon this 6 pack maximum became my nightly minimum as well. And here I am again, getting ready to walk out the door and buy my nightly six pack. It is quite a blow to the ego and intellect to realize that I cannot seem to stop using alcohol. I realize fully that setting a rule of " never drink more than a six pack " is a justification method to make myself feel guiltless about consuming that amount, I feel rather stupid, I realize all of these things but I seem unable to stop myself. I really do not know what I should do at this point.
I have thought about AA meetings but I have read up some on them and they all seem to have a religious undertone. No offense to anyone on these boards but I have never been able to let myself believe in something just to fix a problem or make myself feel better or even to have a better life. I will always have a nagging in the back of my mind that I am lying to myself, I know I cannot go this route for treatment. I feel stuck, and I feel like there really aren't many people out there like me. I want to stop drinking, for my health and longevity, but I really don't have any work related or relationship problems caused by drinking. Its almost like my alcoholism is teetering on one of those scales held by the blind lady justice, and I just can't find enough weight in problems caused by my drinking to outweigh my desire to consume.
Again, I don't mean any offense to anyone that has found a route to recovery in faith, but that just isn't for me and I know it never will be... Does anyone have any advice as to what I should be doing? Are there meetings I could find that don't involve faith perhaps? Or has anyone here ever quit on their own simply due to health and longevity concerns ( my main reasons for wanting to stop )?
I have thought about AA meetings but I have read up some on them and they all seem to have a religious undertone. No offense to anyone on these boards but I have never been able to let myself believe in something just to fix a problem or make myself feel better or even to have a better life. I will always have a nagging in the back of my mind that I am lying to myself, I know I cannot go this route for treatment. I feel stuck, and I feel like there really aren't many people out there like me. I want to stop drinking, for my health and longevity, but I really don't have any work related or relationship problems caused by drinking. Its almost like my alcoholism is teetering on one of those scales held by the blind lady justice, and I just can't find enough weight in problems caused by my drinking to outweigh my desire to consume.
Again, I don't mean any offense to anyone that has found a route to recovery in faith, but that just isn't for me and I know it never will be... Does anyone have any advice as to what I should be doing? Are there meetings I could find that don't involve faith perhaps? Or has anyone here ever quit on their own simply due to health and longevity concerns ( my main reasons for wanting to stop )?
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I too tried controlled drinking without success.
I never tried to quit cold turkey but in hindsight I know I could not have done it.
I hear of people who quit on their own but personally I know of only one person with a drinking problem who was able to do it. I know many others who were hard core alcoholics who could not.
If you are thinking of quitting on your own how will you accomplish it when you were not even able to "moderate"?
If AA and it's philosphy of spirituality does not appeal to you perhaps you could check out some other alternative. There are a few listed on this forum.
Best of luck Gate.
I never tried to quit cold turkey but in hindsight I know I could not have done it.
I hear of people who quit on their own but personally I know of only one person with a drinking problem who was able to do it. I know many others who were hard core alcoholics who could not.
If you are thinking of quitting on your own how will you accomplish it when you were not even able to "moderate"?
If AA and it's philosphy of spirituality does not appeal to you perhaps you could check out some other alternative. There are a few listed on this forum.
Best of luck Gate.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
For me, it came down to having a belief that I could live a normal, happy life without alcohol. And I needed help to establish the foundations of that belief.
I found that help in AA.
I'm by no stretch of the imagination a religious man.
And I've learned, slowly, that there is room for everyone in the fellowship.
Welcome to SoberRecovery, Gate.
I found that help in AA.
I'm by no stretch of the imagination a religious man.
And I've learned, slowly, that there is room for everyone in the fellowship.
Welcome to SoberRecovery, Gate.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking. 
Alcoholism is a disease. I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite 'handbook' is "Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon.
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
Alcoholism is a disease. I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite 'handbook' is "Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon.
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
I could have written your post word for word...
I am by no means a "religious" person.
I found sobriety in AA. Please don't judge the program by what you read or presume -- go and experience it for yourself. I promise you, it will be nothing like what you expect.
It's certainly not the "only way," but it works for many of us...
Ken
I am by no means a "religious" person.
I found sobriety in AA. Please don't judge the program by what you read or presume -- go and experience it for yourself. I promise you, it will be nothing like what you expect.
It's certainly not the "only way," but it works for many of us...
Ken
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: canada
Posts: 170
Welcome to SR!!
When I read your post, I found myself nodding my head to what you have written. I felt the same way at 26 and I only wish I would have had your presence of mind and realized that the drinking couldn't continue. I chose to keep going and finally got sober at 32!! Please don't wait!!
Look into AA as that is the most abundant source for someone just coming into sobriety. You may decide that it is not for you, but at the very least while you are just starting out it's an hour sober everyday. I talked to my doctor as well, and got myself a counsellor. Might not be for everybody, but it helps me to vent sometimes to an impartial person.
You say that you feel there are not that many people like you, I agree. There are many roads to sobriety and they are all individual. Alcoholism has many common traits but all the people are very different and diverse. But the one mutual thing we share is that we cannot drink, we react in a different manner than the non-alcoholic does when we do and we cannot control the outcome. In this way we are all very much alike. Don't let your addiction trick you into thinking you are alone in this!
When I read your post, I found myself nodding my head to what you have written. I felt the same way at 26 and I only wish I would have had your presence of mind and realized that the drinking couldn't continue. I chose to keep going and finally got sober at 32!! Please don't wait!!
Look into AA as that is the most abundant source for someone just coming into sobriety. You may decide that it is not for you, but at the very least while you are just starting out it's an hour sober everyday. I talked to my doctor as well, and got myself a counsellor. Might not be for everybody, but it helps me to vent sometimes to an impartial person.
You say that you feel there are not that many people like you, I agree. There are many roads to sobriety and they are all individual. Alcoholism has many common traits but all the people are very different and diverse. But the one mutual thing we share is that we cannot drink, we react in a different manner than the non-alcoholic does when we do and we cannot control the outcome. In this way we are all very much alike. Don't let your addiction trick you into thinking you are alone in this!
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Welcome Gate.
I can only wish I had even considered stopping before I had any work related or relationship problems. Unfortunately, I had to tick off quite a few "yets" before I got to the point where I was willing to do something.
A.A. and N.A. worked for me and I was darn sure that recovery in faith wasn't (and never would be) for me when I started. I had a very hard time accepting that there might be a solution to my problem that I couldn't prove ahead time to 5 decimal point precision. Of course, now I have proof because it did work for me but there is no way I would have found that out unless I had been willing to suspend my disbelief long enough to let my recovery happen.
If you want to stop drinking but you can't, that's a problem (duh). If you are looking for a non-spiritual based program, check out SMART. People who have had success with SMART are every bit as convinced of its value as those of us who have recovered through a 12 step program are of the 12 step approach. The point is in the recovery, not in how you get there.
One thing almost everyone in recovery will agree on: if you do nothing about your problem, it will only get worse.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
I can only wish I had even considered stopping before I had any work related or relationship problems. Unfortunately, I had to tick off quite a few "yets" before I got to the point where I was willing to do something.
A.A. and N.A. worked for me and I was darn sure that recovery in faith wasn't (and never would be) for me when I started. I had a very hard time accepting that there might be a solution to my problem that I couldn't prove ahead time to 5 decimal point precision. Of course, now I have proof because it did work for me but there is no way I would have found that out unless I had been willing to suspend my disbelief long enough to let my recovery happen.
If you want to stop drinking but you can't, that's a problem (duh). If you are looking for a non-spiritual based program, check out SMART. People who have had success with SMART are every bit as convinced of its value as those of us who have recovered through a 12 step program are of the 12 step approach. The point is in the recovery, not in how you get there.
One thing almost everyone in recovery will agree on: if you do nothing about your problem, it will only get worse.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Service is a Key
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Alliance, Oh
Posts: 24
Welcome Gate
Glad to meet you.
I'm a neighbor of yours to the south east. (Go Bucks!!! Pittman is Great)
Do you know you live in the city that bore roots to the "AA" fellowship as we know it today.
I would hate to think you would rule out AA meetings from a couple readings you found without checking some out for yourself first hand.
Look up a meeting and attend, make your own decisions, if nothing more for a history lesson on the city for which you currently call home.
Good luck, hope you give one a try.
I'm a neighbor of yours to the south east. (Go Bucks!!! Pittman is Great)
Do you know you live in the city that bore roots to the "AA" fellowship as we know it today.
I would hate to think you would rule out AA meetings from a couple readings you found without checking some out for yourself first hand.
Look up a meeting and attend, make your own decisions, if nothing more for a history lesson on the city for which you currently call home.
Good luck, hope you give one a try.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 62
Gate,
I completely relate to just about everything you posted. I too have cut back on alcohol, one time for a year, only to continue to use at previous levels or sometimes beyond. I have changed the type of alcohol I drink in an attempt to cut down but always ended up bingeing on whatever the cocktail. The final straw happened two weeks ago. I believed I poisoned myself and came close to ODing with the use of some drugs. I laid in bed the next day in pain, my mind and body ached, my soul hurt. I knew I got off easy and refused to go back. The darkness and guilt I felt that morning overwhelmed me. I was a disappointment to myself and my partner. So yeah, I am getting sober for my health. I want to live. We have a finite time on this earth and I want to experience it in all it's rawness, however cr*ppy it may be sometimes. I too have not been to an AA meeting yet. I checked out this forum cause it was a comfortable avenue to begin discussing and learning about alcoholism. I suggest reading up on the program though. My friend, 20 years sober, says it works. He's not religious at all. No offense to anyone whatsoever on that matter. I'm still looking at step 1, thinking, "am I really powerless?" So maybe my go it alone attempt will fail. I am kinda waiting for the wave to come crashing down. I do know that just posting here and receiving responses has kept me going. Heck, I even boarded an airplane today without the aid of a beer. Just know you are not alone. It's brave not to drink. Hope you stick around.
I completely relate to just about everything you posted. I too have cut back on alcohol, one time for a year, only to continue to use at previous levels or sometimes beyond. I have changed the type of alcohol I drink in an attempt to cut down but always ended up bingeing on whatever the cocktail. The final straw happened two weeks ago. I believed I poisoned myself and came close to ODing with the use of some drugs. I laid in bed the next day in pain, my mind and body ached, my soul hurt. I knew I got off easy and refused to go back. The darkness and guilt I felt that morning overwhelmed me. I was a disappointment to myself and my partner. So yeah, I am getting sober for my health. I want to live. We have a finite time on this earth and I want to experience it in all it's rawness, however cr*ppy it may be sometimes. I too have not been to an AA meeting yet. I checked out this forum cause it was a comfortable avenue to begin discussing and learning about alcoholism. I suggest reading up on the program though. My friend, 20 years sober, says it works. He's not religious at all. No offense to anyone whatsoever on that matter. I'm still looking at step 1, thinking, "am I really powerless?" So maybe my go it alone attempt will fail. I am kinda waiting for the wave to come crashing down. I do know that just posting here and receiving responses has kept me going. Heck, I even boarded an airplane today without the aid of a beer. Just know you are not alone. It's brave not to drink. Hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Lakeside OH.
Posts: 62
Welcome Gate,
You couldbe like me(age 53 sober 2yrs 10months).Drank and drugged every night for 35 yrs.Since I was 41 I've had 2 heart attacks Adefibulater emplant and it went off 3 times in 1 night.This did not stop me from drinking.I got picked up in a blackout.Woke up in jail.Today I can say I owe my life to AA.This program is not about quitting drinking it's about changing your whole life.Of course quitting drinking is something that we suggest you do.Go to several different meetings,find a few you like.Get to know a few people.Give it a chance.Bring the body the mind will follow.For me there was no such thing as controlled drinking.It was all or nothing.
Bob
You couldbe like me(age 53 sober 2yrs 10months).Drank and drugged every night for 35 yrs.Since I was 41 I've had 2 heart attacks Adefibulater emplant and it went off 3 times in 1 night.This did not stop me from drinking.I got picked up in a blackout.Woke up in jail.Today I can say I owe my life to AA.This program is not about quitting drinking it's about changing your whole life.Of course quitting drinking is something that we suggest you do.Go to several different meetings,find a few you like.Get to know a few people.Give it a chance.Bring the body the mind will follow.For me there was no such thing as controlled drinking.It was all or nothing.
Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 2
Thanks for all the replies, I think in the morning I'm going to do more research on AA and its alternatives. I will definitely look into the SMART program that was mentioned, I'm glad I got ballsy enough to even make that post in the first place now. I really do need to stop this before things get to the level they were before my cold turkey attempt.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: southern U.S.
Posts: 153
welcome, Gate
i'm around your age and it sounds like your drinking habits are similar to mine.
the alcohol superficially ended the anxiety and insomnia at first, but of course the drinking wasn't a real solution to those problems....
i know the feeling of getting in the car the same time every night to go get the 6 pack. (i was both angry at myself and eagerly anticipating the 1st beer of the night) and i always became frustrated when a six pack wasn't enough for me each night.
i don't have enough experience with AA to add my 2 cents. . .
wren
i'm around your age and it sounds like your drinking habits are similar to mine.
the alcohol superficially ended the anxiety and insomnia at first, but of course the drinking wasn't a real solution to those problems....
i know the feeling of getting in the car the same time every night to go get the 6 pack. (i was both angry at myself and eagerly anticipating the 1st beer of the night) and i always became frustrated when a six pack wasn't enough for me each night.
i don't have enough experience with AA to add my 2 cents. . .
wren
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Gate:
You've gotten some great repies on this thread... but I have to say that research will not get you sober.
You need to get into action.
If you want something you've never had, you must do something you've never done...
You've gotten some great repies on this thread... but I have to say that research will not get you sober.
You need to get into action.
If you want something you've never had, you must do something you've never done...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Mesa, AZ
Posts: 3
I want to stop drinking, for my health and longevity, but I really don't have any work related or relationship problems caused by drinking. Its almost like my alcoholism is teetering on one of those scales held by the blind lady justice, and I just can't find enough weight in problems caused by my drinking to outweigh my desire to consume.
All I can say is YET. Think about it, you can't be very productive consuming a six pack a day. Things will pile up, and when you're not looking, something will bite you in the butt. Also, think about your mental health. When I was drinking, I wasn't aware of the damage drinking can cause to your brain (that's one thing that bit me in the butt). I should add that we're similar (although I'm 42). I quit for 3 weeks twice within the past 3 years. Each time I thought I could start drinking again and control it. Boy, was I wrong. I had to get to the point where I thought I had done serious physical damage to myself and got scared enough to quit. I'm on day 24 now. I'm hoping I can make it on my own too. I think I can because I have no desire to drink again (cravings yes). Keep us posted on what you decide.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 38
HI Gate
I agreen with everyone that posted to you, we have all been in you shoes, I just wasn't smart enough to get help when I was in my 20's, so my health continued to be effected by the 30 to 40 beers I drank eack week. I would just feel really bad from the drink, so I would stop for a day or two, and than start drinking again.
I tried to stop byself many times and was unable to, I found this website and found a group of folks that were in the same boat as me, and we all wanted to stop drinking and have a better life.
So far it is working for me, I am 31 days sober.
Come join us if you can.
good luck.
Z
I agreen with everyone that posted to you, we have all been in you shoes, I just wasn't smart enough to get help when I was in my 20's, so my health continued to be effected by the 30 to 40 beers I drank eack week. I would just feel really bad from the drink, so I would stop for a day or two, and than start drinking again.
I tried to stop byself many times and was unable to, I found this website and found a group of folks that were in the same boat as me, and we all wanted to stop drinking and have a better life.
So far it is working for me, I am 31 days sober.
Come join us if you can.
good luck.
Z
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