simple

My mother is an acoholic and has removed herself from my family all together. It hurts a lot and I just can't understand how she could do something like that. I was just curious if some one out there might have an answer for me. I have never been to forum before, so I'm sorry if I offend anyone for being here

Paulie

I posted 2 you in Newcomers.

If you haven't already done so, take a look at our Friends and Family forum for loved ones that have a drinking problem. You will find support and friendship here.

Pick-a-name

Sorry I can't help you. I think I know a little of what you are feeling. My A/H; well ex as of last week...his doing; left our home months ago. We have a 23 yr old son who just moved away and a 17 yr old daughter. Basically, he chose drinking over us...although he will not come out and say it quite that directly.

It has helped me to read these posts; esp. the Family and Friends and Naranon sites. Good luck. It has nothing to do with you; although it can feel that way sometimes.

Dan

Hey, welcome, simple
Hard to offend us, although we have our moments... We're easy to jump all over eachother and disagree like children someyimes , but I've yet to see a newcomer, especially a family member like yourself, not be welcomed in the AA forum, or in AA in real life.

Hard to answer your question though. There's many reasons we alcoholics sometimes withdraw from our loved ones. Shame, anger, guilt, etc... The list is practically endless. The one common trait we maybe all share about isolating ourselves from our families is probably that we simply don't want to stop drinking yet.
And there's a list of reasons just as long for that issue.

So, welcome to SoberRecovery.
There is hope for your mom, and for you and the rest of the family.
Take a look down here...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=24

It's where the moms, dads and kids of alcoholics get together. Pop in there and say hi.
You're not alone anymore.

4health

I think she can do this because she's an alcoholic. I think you're asking how she can do this but you didn't ask a specific question. She can hide away if you and everyone around her has given up on her and she can hide away if she forces everyone away. Easily. This is why alot of us here feel alot of lonelyness once we quit drinking I think. Alot of us have isolated ourselves with our drink. We don't want to make fools of ourselves or hurt others when we've drank so much that we are oblivious to what we're doing so we just do it alone. I hope this is what your post was pertaining too.

Your mom sounds like she needs help. Maybe you could offer it to her. It might not be easy. She may or may not want help but you could ask if she wants it.

Please don't worry about offending us. I would like to mention there is an Alanon board here too for family and friends of alcoholics. Good luck!!

Junkyard Dog

I agree, she is hiding so she can keep drinking. It is not uncommon for alcoholics to alienate themselves from the "real world". It is easier for them to rationalize things if they seclude themselves.

We have all done it to one degree or another. For example: Letting the family go out to dinner and a movie without you so you could stay at home and get drunk. It happens at all levels. Partial to full alienation.

Pick-a-name

Never thought of it like that.....it seems ike "progression", too. Thanks for letting me look at things thru a new slant!

Dan

There's big solitude in alcoholism.

Don W

Hi, Being an alcoholic I can tell you, we raise that very same question to ourselves. I'd sit on a barstool wondering why I wouldn't just go home. How could I do this to people I love? I can only tell you that alcohol affects the part of the brain that deals with emotion and reasoning. It is hard I'm sure for you to understand but, she has to drink. Nothing you say or do will stop it. The best I can suggest is to take care of yourself. Learn and recover. Maybe she will find recovery someday, maybe never. Either way, your priority now is you. It's almost trying to understand something that has no understanding. If that makes sense? The decision is up to you but, if you desire some realationship in the future set boundries and stick to them. Don W

Pick-a-name

Don: thank you....this is very helpful to me.

4health

You need to move your post. Go to the alcoholism board and start a new thread. The button is at the upper left hand corner over the threads. Good luck.

I'm an Alcoholic and my husband is to. Your AH won't quit unless he WANTS to. You can offer help but if he won't take it at that point, you need to be ready for when HE is ready. There's also an Al Anon message board here that might be helpful.