dena

I don't get it, why is it that you can go for days without using, but once you do you are that feening little ass again? Why can't we be normal again like we all once were, or thought we were?

amymarie

Dena...
because we are alcoholics/addicts.
because we have a disease.
I understand your question. I really wish I could tell you'why'... I was born this way no doubt about it.
Hope you feel better about it and accept it a little better...

best

I think that is the key.

You know how it is when you blow up a balloon, it is tough the first time, but every time after, it seems effortless to blow it up.

You could look at it like that... our body knows what to do when alcohol enters. Instant memory and recall.

AndrewBeen

best's analogy seems a good one.

the disease causes a change in our brains structure and function that is irreversable -- it brings about the tremendous craving. we need to accept it. a fundamental organic change has taken place.

at least we are in this together.

i figure i already drank the equivalent of a "normal"'s lifetime amount. so, as i like to say: i am done.

splendra

Who wants to be normal? I'll not put myself in a bag called normal but, I will allow myself the joy of being clean. It is painful getting clean no doubt but, it is so worth it when we come out on the other side...

Clear thoughts, my body feeling good, spiritually seeking God's will. I ask you what could possibly be better than that? Certainly getting loaded will not get me that kind of peace

hang in there!!!

findingout

Hey dena,

One of my very first posts on S.R. asked the same question a different way. I asked something like "If a genie popped out of a bottle and granted me one wish, and I said "I wish I wasn't an alcoholic" and the genie responded "OK, you are not an alcoholic" and disappeared in a puff of smoke, what would that actually mean? Would it just mean that I could suddenly drink like a so-called normal person, or would the change go much deeper than that? After all, I did spend 25 years of my life using drugs or seeking ways and means to get more. It seems to me that for me to suddenly not be an alcoholic would have to mean that those 25 years could not have happened and would have to be replaced with 25 different years.

The answer is there are no genies and I am an alcoholic. By nature, alcoholics drink and when they drink, things go badly.

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

CarolD

Here is a link that explains much better than I can..

http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm

BaBa OReiley

i relate my drinking to lays potato chips.......... betchya just can't have one.

asking the questions and wondering why all the time used to be the way i beat myself up, it always ended in poor me. acceptance was one of the biggest hurdles for me, accepting the fact that i could no longer drink responsibly.

i know that if i pick up a drink i'll get drunk and that's enough for me today, it doesn't matter why. all the kings horses and all the kings men can give me their medical and psycho babble reasons why i get obsessive with alcohol, but the fact remains that i'm humpty dumpty and if i don't want a big fall i stay off the wall!

my wall is alcohol!

i can't stop drinking because i like the feeling alcohol gives me, so i want more of it. and the more i get the more i want, but i don't like the price i have to pay for that feeling. and i can't afford it no more either.

Gooch

I used to ask "Why me?


now I am more comfortable with the fact that I am who I am I say why not me?


This is the only condition I have ever seen that defies the built in logic of self preservation. If you couldn't swim, would you jump in the water because someone else could or was swimming?

A quote/unquote normal persom wouldn't but an addict or alcoholic would probably give it another go.

livenletlive

Step 2 sums it up to me. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Greenbug

This is a great question, if you get a chance see the movie "What the $#%@ do we know" it covers this on a scientific level. Talking about how the brain actually gets hard wired for certain repetitive(sp) acts. This was actual material that was used in College when I was taking Phys-Pharm Chem Depend class. It was really a great movie. It talks about how your brain through the hypathamus produces peptides that find neuron receptors and there is a path that it follows when an causual occurance of something happens and when everday acts actually take a "short cut" and they have proved this is literally "hard wired" into your brain with the spec scan similar to a cat scan. Blah Blah Blah Go see the movie

Anyways its good movie, not sure if that helps or makes thing more confusing. The movie goes into great detail on quantum physics and in a fun way.
The tag line for the movie is "Science and spirituality come together"

While this might be the scientific answer it does lack a little in personallity, meaning the programs of whichever anonymous program you subscribe will take you into a more personal understanding of you and your actions. Drinking/using is but a symtom of the dicease.
It does challenge ones concept of God, in a universal sense. But the funny thing is most pastors, ministers love the movie but the masses take offense. I thought how typical. fyi

Jhana

some really good stuff here.

I simplify it by paraphrasing an old adage: "How do you get to be an alcoholic? Practice, practice, practice."

Giana

quercusalba

Wow, what a great thread! I am continually amazed by the useful things I read and hear here. It's like hearing myself out of different mouths.

I'll second Gianna - practice, practice, practice. That's how I became and alcoholic, too.

jmhs002

"You can turn a cucumber into a pickle, but you cannot turn a pickle back into a cucumber"

That explanation seemed to make a lot of sense for me. Once I finally accepted that I am an alcoholic (I denied it, fought it, rationalized it, hid it, etc........) it was a tremendous relief to me. It is a part of who I am. I did not choose to be an alcoholic, but it is what it is. Now I can try and do something about it.

I wish you luck!!
JMHS

4 a new life

i dont know i wish i was not that way either but its my reality ive been gifted in many ways i only wish i knew why i was cursed with this one

Little Missy

Oh, I remember the "why me's"? Why am I being punished? Why is beer (my best friend) being taken away from me? Why can't I be like and drink like others? POOR ME!!

Because, I'm an alcoholic. Now I can look at it differently, thanks to recovery. Why do I get to be a better person? Why do have the support of so many others like me? Why am I now a happy person and finally have peace in my heart?

I just had to accept that, yep, I'm an alcoholic. But my life has become much better since I am!!