Millwallj

Man, on the train this morning I thought my head was going to implode, explode, or fall of completley.

I dont know just fear of everything. Whats worse is the feeling that I am affecting other people and making them nervous.

Eventually it calmed down - CBT and some AA slogans straightened me out.

This recovery business: it sure aint a nice Sunday stroll in Hyde Park, feeding the ducks. Sometimes its like living in a washing machine. A *** king nightmare.

BSPGirl

One question pop ups in my mind: why do you label yourself a 'dry drunk' ?

Millwallj

a reference I have learnt for this state.

I dont mind calling myself that, if it helps me understand it.

But today I realise that there are more ways to recover from it, including and not excluding the AA way.

lulu70

Sorry you were having such a tough time. But I am glad you were able to work through some of the fear with some things you have learned in sobriety. I wanted to share something I learned that helps me cope with fear. It is something I learned long before coming to AA, but it still helps me today.

First, I have to be able to identify what it is that really scares me. When I first learned this technique I was pregnant and very, very ill. I would get in a panic about all these unknowns: what if I die? what if I lose the baby? what if they can't operate? etc. I was so scared to look at the future...... Then this social worker woman (she was amazing) encouraged me to go ahead and "go there." For instance, what if the baby died? What would happen? Well, I would be very sad for a very long time. As a matter of fact, I probably would never really get over it. But, it would not necessarily kill me. So often, the overwhelming fear is the fear of the unknown. But if we really think about it, what we are fearful of is not as 'unknown' as we think.

I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but it is a technique which really helped me.

Hang in there--

Millwallj

Thanks Lulu - very cool. Classic CBT!!!

livenletlive

If you go to meeting and work the steps in your recovery, it is said you are not a dry drunk. Ok, you had a moment of despair, but you are not a dry drunk. Sounds to me you just got scared and/or frustrated. Remember this is a disease of the attitudes, and by you working the program, you are working on your attitudes each day.

Next time call a support member right away. It helps.

Don S

Panic attacks are no fun. They do pass, though.
There's a saying that I've seen used at SMART Recovery, and probably elsewhere, and it is similar to what Lulu was suggesting: think it through. Think your fear all the way through to the end. Imagine. Visualize. Do a rational analysis of the situation.
Then, the simplest thing to ask is 'what is the worst that can happen?' After you've asked that, the next question is 'then what will you do?'
That process has the effect of removing the unknown, which is what we mostly fear, from the situation. It gives you an opportunity to be realistic--not pessimistic, not naively optimistic, just realistic. And it keeps you looking forward.
Don S
ps--clear out your in-box, Mill...

lulu70

That's just what I was trying to say, Don. But you said it much better.....

Millwallj

thanks guys. today was a lot calmer.

Chabroso

I have to say I don't particularly care for the term 'dry drunk'. To me it's a contradiction in terms. Sure we suffer bouts of anxiety and panic, so do non alcoholics. All humans sometimes have irrational thoughts and fears. Dry Drunk was one of the terms in AA I simply didn't agree with. I still don't.

I used to hear some people in AA refer to those who did not believe in God (as opposed to an individual personal Higher Power) as dry drunks and thought that was pretty arrogant. I just don't believe any person has the right to deem others to be dry drunks just because they don't hold the same belief as those who believe in the traditional idea of God. Athiests and Agnostics do get sober too in AA. Personally I believe in a Higher Power but I don't believe in Dry Drunk.

Millwallj

I am with you on this.

My only response was to walk away from it, and look somewhere else. The whole thing drove me nuts in the end. Not AA's fault, and its not mine either. Just clashed, thats all.

I have some judgements left on AA; and it has some on me. At the end of the day, I just want whats best for me.

Millwallj

Don: cleared out.