nucldragr

Ok so this whole idea about not drinking seemed like a good one at the time, but now it really sucks. I can understand relapses now. I have been clean now for 11 Days; yeah for me. Since I quit my emotions have been WAC. I expected to have to deal with some, but I have been inundated with a butt load of emotions.

Now I realize that I now have to deal with the emotion that was being repressed while I was drinking, but I cant seem to get a handle on my anger. Right now everything that anybody does pisses me off big time. I feel like lashing out at something or someone, but fear the consequences. That, however does not change the desire I have. I try to talk with my wife about stuff but she just doesnt understand and I get infuriated when I have to explain myself over and over.

When I drink I get very angry very easy. I had the very first fist fight, in almost 30 years, with my brother 2 weeks ago, which consequently is the reason I decided to stop drinking. But he didnt deserve the explosion that he got out of me, and I feel really really bad about it. I keep playing the whole thing over and over in my head and it makes me shutter to think about what I could have done.

With the realization that the majority of my anger is stemmed around my wife I need help trying to sort things out. My wife has had several affairs while we have been married and I drank to suppress the anger at her, eventhough it always was expressed to people who were close to me at the time (hence the fight with my brother), but I need to know if there is any end in sight as far as this explosive fuse I have. I dont want to be another statistic, locked up in jail for flippin out on someone who was just mindin there own business. So, I guess I am wondering if there is anyone here who has any answers, or anything that might be considered an answer. Thanks for letting me vent a little. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In memory of miracle

I don't think I have the answer for you, but I can tell you it's pretty normal to be on edge in early recovery. A day at a time helps me alot and also choosing to live in the moment, even if I have to do it over and over again. There is no sense in rehashing the past,especially if it is going to upset us. You didn't say if you are attending AA or not, the fellowship has helped me deal with all my emotions. Also therapy or anger management.It's good that you posted and congradulations on your days, they are precious, you know?
Bless, Trish

bikewench

Hey Dragr...

That's great that you fully recognize your anger and how your expressing it. My guy could handle his anger better as well... but.. he's not so keen on owning it..

But.. I needed to understand it.. so...
I googled anger.. and male anger... and anger in the stages of grieving... and I have a whole new attitude toward this emotion...
and men get short changed in being able to express their anger... so... in too many cases... it gets bottled up and it simmers there.. ready to boil up the minute one mpre pique is added to it...

that's why the reactions to little incidents are so explosive...
they have a lot of unresolved stuff behind it...

Something else I learned is that we can get stuck in shame cycles... and anger cycles... like with the fight with your brother...
around and around in our heads.. and that's when it drives us to use...
to break into that cycle for a bit and shut it up...
of course... most times it only makes it worse... which is addictive irony...

Something else....
when a situation won't leave my head like what your describing... then I usually need to do something to stop it... like make an amends... and then forgive myself... which is easy to say...

11 days is still pretty raw... so.. give youself lots of slack...
it's good your talking about this stuff as it comes up..

CarolD

alcoholics find beginning counseling a wise move.

Depression is why I started AA recovery.
I was helped with a therapist.

I am sorry for your anguish. Have you tried prayer?

Way to go on your sober days!

livenletlive

Many of us alkies get angry for many reasons. Trust in the fact that each and every day you stay sober, your have a better chance of curbing your anger. You will be able to make better actions and instead of exploding, you will gain tools to help you work through your anger. Keep up the good work.

tyler

I also had a great deal of anger when I first got clean. Alot of my anger was toward myself, but was often misplaced and directed toward others. If you haven't got counciling, especially marraige counciling, I would highly recommend it. You both have alot of issues to deal with I'm sure. Best to you, and congrats on your 12 days!! Take care.

Chabroso

Have you thought about apologising to your brother? That may make you feel more at ease at least with that particular situation.

One thing I found was that resentment would surely have me drinking again every time someone or something pissed me off even if that resentment was justified.

You certainly have issues that would make a saint angry....however in order for sobriety to continue I would put myself first and foremost. You and your sobriety are more important than anything else at this stage. Can you put the issues that are making you angry aside for the time being and be kind and caring about you. Do what you need to do for you. You are the one who matters at this time. Do you think AA can help? It did help me in dealing with emotions. Things that have happened in the past can't be changed. You can change the way you deal with them. Your sobriety right now is far more important than any past or present issues.

You have done well over the last 11 days. You can do it as long as you keep you and your sobriety as the most important thing in your life right now.