blackc@

My husband and I just got into an argument on the phone. He told me that he thinks that I take pride in calling myself an alcoholic. I was so ashamed of the way I was feeling (the alcohol stuff), so I spilled my guts to him, and said that I could drink a lot of people under the table, etc. I was trying to explain how scared I am of my disease, and all he could come back with is that I sound proud of how "different" I am. I told him that I'm "special" (because I think that we are), and he totally berated me for it. I hate being addicted to alcohol. I'm not proud. I'm ashamed. And I'm so angry with him for telling me things that are wrong. Have any of you had to deal with a significant other that felt this way?

CarolD

BC...I have not had any luck in explaining my alcoholism to those who do not have it.

Same as with my diabetes...only diabetics understand.

That is a reason why AA meetings are so very important for me.

Blessings..

Millwallj

people let us down.

I would not say we were "special". Just drank to much, thats all.

Cathy31

hI THERE black@
You must have been so disappointed, I'm sorry! In my own experience non alcoholics, especially significant others, have a real hard time accepting our disease...but more importantly, I think, they find it difficult to cope with the move from shame/always apologetic to feeling pretty good about ourselves. I also think we're a special group of people and I'm proud that I'm one of many alcoholics seeking help.
Try not to take it personally, I just think people like your husband - and my husband for that matter - just dont get it. They just physically don't They think we can stop anytime...al-anon is an option, he might agree to go to one meeting??
Hope you feel better soon
Love
Cathy31
x

Pick-a-name

Hi: I am going to go out on a limb here, but perhaps I can provide a glimpse at another way of looking at this. Take what you want......... As the wife of an A/H I have heard every excuse for why he thinks he "has to drink" (of course, often something I either "did OR didn't do--and of course if I did it the "right way" the next time; then it was now the "wrong way".haha"; why he thinks every person, place, thing; anything in the universe is "picking on him"............well; we all have problems, sometimes we have crap happen that is not avoidable, but we still have to deal with it..........like it or not.

For a long time I tried to "ease" things for him; pick up his slack as a parent,etc; give in to his "tantrum", etc blah,blah,blah because I love him, and wanted to...until I find that his addiction takes advantage of it....it hurts us both. No one makes him drink......just as no one can stop him. Talk is cheap; we family members have heard it all...........the disease just quack-quack-qucaks along. At a certain point, you have to decide to quit, or not...period. Why should a family member believe what an active addict says about his/her addiction........trust them? An active addict can not trust themself where their addiction is concerned. I understand the difficulty of your situation, I really do; but IMHO., that is the kind of thinking that keeps the disease alive and well.

I say this all in love; though it probably sounds harsh. That is not my intent.
I wish you health, happiness and peace of mind..............in other words : recovery. (same as I do my husband) God bless you in your journey.

Pick-a-name

The term "terminally unique" comes to mind; JMHO. Yes: and human nature. I course, afyter saying what I did, I do not have a clue what your husband said, so I may be way off base with my response..........but of course, it is just my opinion to take or leave that I offered.

findingout

Hello blackc@. There is, I think, a big difference between being proud of the fact that I could drink many a larger man under the table and being grateful that I finally got a clue that being able to do that was not really a good thing. There is absolutely no shame in being a recovering alcoholic or addict. People who would have us forever regretting our past or wishing to shut the door on it should get a clue of their own.

On the other hand, people who have never known the obsession cannot really understand the obsession. To them it's like, "OK, so you have stopped drinking. Now get over yourself and let's talk about my problems." Or worse, "Now that you've got your drinking under control, I'm sure we can have a bottle of wine with dinner."

Looking back, I believe this is why the fellowship I found in A.A. and N.A. was so important to my early recovery. I needed to be around other people who knew exactly what I was going through. Having that support relieved me of the need to talk about it with the other people in my life who were not alcoholics or who were but certainly didn't want to talk about it.

I think it's possible to let the obsession with drinking linger well past the point where you have actually stopped drinking. This can become almost as big a roadblock to recovery as the actual using. Talking about my problem on SR and in face to face meetings with other alcoholics and addicts allows me to enjoy life with my friends who don't share my problem but still get the support I need to continue down the right path.

There is no doubt that people in recovery are special. They tend to work on the things that matter and can't be bought at the local Walmart. It also seems to me that most people in recovery are a little less quick to judge others because they know all about being judged. In recovery, we all live in glass houses so it's either stop throwing stones or spend the rest of our lives replacing windows.


One Love, One Heart,
Tony

FriendofBill

Sounds to me like he is jealous. If you are in recovery, which it sounds like you are, then you must be embracing your recovery and that means focusing in on ways to take care of yourself, which, may not involve him.

Very typical of the alcoholic's family members,,,they dont understand your new found way of life and therefore are critical of it. Id suggest he start attending al-anon...