The "old" gang
keep on the sunny side
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 18
The "old" gang
Saw the "old" gang out last night. I had not been to bar in so many months I don't even know the last time. I stuck to my diet coke and had my girlfriend by my side doing the same. I wasn't trying to temp myself by entering the belly of the beast. I definitely had some moments when I thought, "Damn, I want a beer!". I wanted to hear a band made up of a group of friends of mine and refused to let the bar setting keep me from seeing them. I did have a good time and woke up with A+ on my self respect report card.
Going back to that bar was a strange reminder of the person I used to be and the person I don't want to be again. Yes, it was fun for me to get drunk when I was drinking, but the payback was such hell. Almost getting kicked out of my house, almost losing my relationship, my pets, my health and I really feel like a DUI or other alcohol-related accident was right around the corner and would still be if I picked it up again and I haven't even touched on the depression. What made me finally stop was hangover so bad this past March that I almost checked myself into a hospital. I felt like I was losing my mind and was having panic attacks, stomach cramps so bad I couldn't stop throwing up and while on the floor of that bathroom puking my guts out, I had to ask myself "Why do I continue to participate in my own self-destrution?" and there was no answer. Now that I am coming out of a depression that I am sure was alcohol-induced, I still miss the fun times with the old gang, but can't go back to that place mentally. It scares the hell out of me.
Going back to that bar was a strange reminder of the person I used to be and the person I don't want to be again. Yes, it was fun for me to get drunk when I was drinking, but the payback was such hell. Almost getting kicked out of my house, almost losing my relationship, my pets, my health and I really feel like a DUI or other alcohol-related accident was right around the corner and would still be if I picked it up again and I haven't even touched on the depression. What made me finally stop was hangover so bad this past March that I almost checked myself into a hospital. I felt like I was losing my mind and was having panic attacks, stomach cramps so bad I couldn't stop throwing up and while on the floor of that bathroom puking my guts out, I had to ask myself "Why do I continue to participate in my own self-destrution?" and there was no answer. Now that I am coming out of a depression that I am sure was alcohol-induced, I still miss the fun times with the old gang, but can't go back to that place mentally. It scares the hell out of me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad to see you resisted picking up.
How many of the 'old gang' called when you were not in the bar scene?
My drinking buds never asked if I was OK when I was missing.
Living sober is sooo cool. Keep going forward.
How many of the 'old gang' called when you were not in the bar scene?
My drinking buds never asked if I was OK when I was missing.
Living sober is sooo cool. Keep going forward.
Forever In Recovery, Dana
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Duluth,MN
Posts: 83
GREAT JOB!! For me just THINKING about the "old" gang seriously puts me in relapse mode...I am a social butterfly so even if they weren't really my friends, I still love the fun of having like 30 people around that I can talk and laugh with. THAT IS EXACTLY why I need an AA meeting like right now...:jeez
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by CarolD
Glad to see you resisted picking up.
How many of the 'old gang' called when you were not in the bar scene?
My drinking buds never asked if I was OK when I was missing.
How many of the 'old gang' called when you were not in the bar scene?
My drinking buds never asked if I was OK when I was missing.
At a meeting last night a fella said... "Funny, when I was in jail, none of my "friends" came to visit. I suspect it was because they don't allow booze and crack rocks in there"...
So true....
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Originally Posted by echeevo72
Saw the "old" gang out last night. I had not been to bar in so many months I don't even know the last time. I stuck to my diet coke and had my girlfriend by my side doing the same. I wasn't trying to temp myself by entering the belly of the beast. I definitely had some moments when I thought, "Damn, I want a beer!". I wanted to hear a band made up of a group of friends of mine and refused to let the bar setting keep me from seeing them. I did have a good time and woke up with A+ on my self respect report card.
Going back to that bar was a strange reminder of the person I used to be and the person I don't want to be again. Yes, it was fun for me to get drunk when I was drinking, but the payback was such hell. Almost getting kicked out of my house, almost losing my relationship, my pets, my health and I really feel like a DUI or other alcohol-related accident was right around the corner and would still be if I picked it up again and I haven't even touched on the depression. What made me finally stop was hangover so bad this past March that I almost checked myself into a hospital. I felt like I was losing my mind and was having panic attacks, stomach cramps so bad I couldn't stop throwing up and while on the floor of that bathroom puking my guts out, I had to ask myself "Why do I continue to participate in my own self-destrution?" and there was no answer. Now that I am coming out of a depression that I am sure was alcohol-induced, I still miss the fun times with the old gang, but can't go back to that place mentally. It scares the hell out of me.
Going back to that bar was a strange reminder of the person I used to be and the person I don't want to be again. Yes, it was fun for me to get drunk when I was drinking, but the payback was such hell. Almost getting kicked out of my house, almost losing my relationship, my pets, my health and I really feel like a DUI or other alcohol-related accident was right around the corner and would still be if I picked it up again and I haven't even touched on the depression. What made me finally stop was hangover so bad this past March that I almost checked myself into a hospital. I felt like I was losing my mind and was having panic attacks, stomach cramps so bad I couldn't stop throwing up and while on the floor of that bathroom puking my guts out, I had to ask myself "Why do I continue to participate in my own self-destrution?" and there was no answer. Now that I am coming out of a depression that I am sure was alcohol-induced, I still miss the fun times with the old gang, but can't go back to that place mentally. It scares the hell out of me.
[/QUOTE]
I did have a good time and woke up with A+ on my self respect report card[/QUOTE]
What's it about us doing stuff sober that just makes the old self respect pour back in...did you or anyone reading this, ever realise how much drinking/abusing alcohol had been draining away at your self esteem and more importantly self respect!??! It's only when I got into AA that I could really realise how far down I'd gone...in my OWN estimation, never mind anyone else's! I still remember that feeling of dawning horror with the realisation!
I also REALLY liked :
(I hope I'm doing the quote thing right!)
[/QUOTE]
Why do I continue to participate in my own self-destrution?[/QUOTE]
WOW, what a turning point, it reminds me a bit of Leanne's (2dayzmuse) amazing Recovery Story on the Recovery Story board...it's such a blessing when we get to that point...where we realise for all the sickness and twistedness...participating in our own alcoholism (as in DRINKING) is simply self destruction...we need to use all the tools available to basically get to a point where we do not WISH to destroy ourselves.
I remember the very first post I made here....back in Oct/Nov 04 when I finally admitted to being an alcoholic (after a couple of months lurking on SR) ...I said something like jeez, do I really hate myself so much that I keep doing this?/?!?!?? I just couldn't understand why I would as you say participate in my own self destruction.
It's such an essential lesson/realisation and you put it beautifully.
Well done on doing so well with the old gang!
Love
Cathy31
x
What am I doing wrong, it looks so cool when it's done properly! Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Be careful....
As an old timer I know puts it...
Are you a lion tamer? No? Then what the hell are you doing in the lion's cage?
I know for me I've got to be sure my spiritual house is in order before I go to a bar or the like...
Ken
Are you a lion tamer? No? Then what the hell are you doing in the lion's cage?
I know for me I've got to be sure my spiritual house is in order before I go to a bar or the like...
Ken
keep on the sunny side
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 18
Ken, I think you are right. Going to a bar isn't something I plan on doing again any time soon. At the same time there are occasions where I really want to hear a band and I love music and there are times where I am not going to let the "lions" keep me from it.
Like Carol said, none of these "old gang" members were there to help me get sober and stay sober and I know from all my years of drinking what fair-weathered friends alcoholics and drug users are with one another. I have lost some friendships over this, but I have to ask myself what kind of friendships they really were. The people that have told me they like me better when I am drinking don't know how much that hurts my feelings. If they really cared about me they would have looked underneath the laughs and "good times" a little harder to see it was killing me.
Cathy, thanks for your comments. Discovering this forum has been a real bright ray of sunshine and it really helps to talk to other people who are going through the same struggles.
Like Carol said, none of these "old gang" members were there to help me get sober and stay sober and I know from all my years of drinking what fair-weathered friends alcoholics and drug users are with one another. I have lost some friendships over this, but I have to ask myself what kind of friendships they really were. The people that have told me they like me better when I am drinking don't know how much that hurts my feelings. If they really cared about me they would have looked underneath the laughs and "good times" a little harder to see it was killing me.
Cathy, thanks for your comments. Discovering this forum has been a real bright ray of sunshine and it really helps to talk to other people who are going through the same struggles.
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