Sadie12

Hi friends,
I don't want to disapoint anyone but believe me I'm mad at myself and the wonder keeps on why I haven't been able to stop. Like it's going to be different "this" time right??????

I did great over the weekend and came home from the 4th, went to dinner, had three champagnes, came home had 5 more of my husbands beers and even hid 3 of em. ???? Had to finish what was in the ice box, of course.

My husband has said he wants to quit for good one day but it seems as if he can have one or two here and there and most of the time he doesn't seem to crave or desire more like i do. Why?? Have i had an alcohol problem longer than he and that is why i've made my addiction worse?

It is easier to not drink AT ALL then it is to drink here and there. Does anyone relate to this??????? If I don't drink for a couple of days then my body is ok but as soon as i drink 3 I drink 5 more or so !!!!! If I'm ok not drinking then why do i drink?? I think i get antsy or tired or hungry and that is how it starts. Not sure.

I know you guys said try AA and I think that is what i'm going to do.

We're going to Mexico too and i'm way worried about that.

Sadie12

Oh yeah and it is pretty bad when your husband says in a cynical way that i always drink more than he.........

it is true though.

once again, i have to quit for me and not worry if he has a problem with alcohol or not because obviously he doesn't right??!! He has problems with other stuff....

ho hum ok.

i'll get this sobriety thing .... i am so gung-ho and phooie it falls apart.

Rimmy

I am you... no need to say more

CarolD

Sadie...It is easier to not drink at all than to dabble with alcohol.
AA meetings are vital for my continuing sobriety.

Blessings...

Sadie12

Thanks Rimmy and Carol..

So Carol? Am i on to something here with it being easier to just not drink at all then to dabble??? i think so.. he he took me long enough eh.

i need to find an aa meeting i can relate to. a women's group perhaps.

michaelj

Hi Sadie,
First the bad news about you and me...we are alcoholics and can't take that first drink. It is the only one we have to avoid, if you don't take the first one the rest becomes a piece of cake.
Now the good news, you know in your heart that you have to stop and stay stopped. The way you stay stopped is an entirely individual affair and one that you have to discover for yourself. I wish you the very best in your search for a way to the sobriety you need and deserve.
Michael

tyler

If that is easier for you than that is what you need to do. I would say in general it would be easier just to say, "I am a non-drinker". That way you don't have to worry about "policing" yourself as to how many drinks are ok. If you want to drink, you just need to remind yourself, that you are a "non-drinker". It is not an option for you. Not really that big a deal, there are lots of other things in life you can do other than drink. The urges will come, but just remember that "Sadie doesn't drink". It would be nice if your husband would support you by not drinking too, but the fact is you live in a world where alcohol is all around you anyway, so it is something you need to learn to deal with. Hope some of this helps, it's how I stay sober anyway. Take care.

Sadie12

Thanks you SO VERY much Tyler and Micheal.
I will have to make it my priority to never take that FIRST drink because I am an alcoholic and I should never ever drink again or I will really hurt myself and life. It scares me the thought of drinking another 10 years. Even though I drink every two days and have never really drank every day... when I do drink I drink WAY too much almost every single time and alcohol changes my personality too much too --- and I've got heavy drinkers in my family so i've got alcoholism on both sides of my family. I totally am an alcoholic and have drank for 22 years and i think that is long enough. Like I said, I'm afraid to drink anymore. It scares me.

Sadie12

TYLER --

I know what you are saying. I need to change my thinking and I do know drinking is not an option for me and me not drinking is only a big deal to me and not to other people because i'm the one with the alcohol problem. Only alcoholics seem to notice when people drink or don't drink and I AM one of those "noticers".. lol.

I just want it to go away. The desire and I want to be totally in control of me not drinking every again.

I love this site. Thank you guys. You have really helped me alot.

2dayzmuse

I never just had one drink. One always led to to many. So I don't drink even one. I know what the results will be if I do. It's the nature of the beast. There is another thread about the compulsion to drink. Check it out if you haven't already. I believe in the allergy theory. If I were able to stop at one drink, I would. It would be that simple. It isn't though. Alcohol has complicated my life immensly. Since I quit, no alcohol related problems. Wow, to bad I didn't figure that out along time ago. You may need help. Give a recovery program a try. Good luck. There is a solution...

Sadie12

I'll check that allergy part out.
I believe that too.
Sometimes when i would drink, my nose would either start to run or get stuffed up often.
But i know the allergy goes way deeper than just that.

I know that my nervous system has been different these past few years or so. The day after wreaks havoc on my nervous system making me anxious as well as twitching off & on....and sometimes tingling in fingers, arm.

2dayzmuse

Yep, I remember that. The anxiety after a bout of drinking was horrible. The twitches, yep all of that. The good news is...it goes away.