Wrapped up in a definition
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 18
Wrapped up in a definition
Hi all- I posted a while back under "addicted". Some commented that if I feel I have a problem than I very well may have a problem with alcohol. This makes sense, however, many of my friends drink more than me. This weekend two of my friends drank all weekend. When my husband and I left a party, they hung onto our truck and would not let us leave. Crazy. Anyway my point is that others may not perceive they have a problem so therefore do they? It does not appear to be a disease of numbers i.e 2 drinks or 20. Also, I am a more frequent drinker than some but drink a less amount and do not get drunk. Others drink on weekends and get loaded. Trying to get it, thanks. Bren
Miss Behavin'
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: regina,saskatchewan
Posts: 966
for me, it doesn't matter what or how much anyone else can or can't drink....in my heart i know that i am addicted and that if i keep gong down that road...it would only lead to jail, institution or death...and a whole lotta misery!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: France
Posts: 4
Hiya Brenda,
I am no expert on this at all!!! This is just my thoughts on the subject...
You must feel that there is at least a 'problem' with your drinking, and therefore that means there IS a problem ... is it something you want to change? I *think* there is alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction. I can't possibly say which one would apply to you, or if this is even correct! lol sorry I am not much help here...
Alcohol abuse would be drinking maybe too often, too much, or for the wrong reason (for example, drinking as an 'answer' to depression). If this is you, then it'd be a good idea to try to start changing your attitude to / patterns of drinking so it is more healthy.
Then there is the addiciton, which would be more along the lines of not being able to STOP drinking once you have started. You may intend to have just 1 or 2 drinks, and end up having way more than that. Also you may feel 'cravings' for drink if you try to go without it. There are lots of quizzes you can take that give some sort of indication if drinking is a problem - if you look on the AA site for example there should be one there. Or maybe type 'alcohol addiction quiz' into Google and see if any decent looking ones come up.
As far as I can tell from reading your posts, you do have some form of problem with drinking as you sound concerned about it. Wether this has developed into a psychological / chemical dependance ... I couldn't say.
I hope you find the right solution for you! *hug*
Saz x
I am no expert on this at all!!! This is just my thoughts on the subject...
You must feel that there is at least a 'problem' with your drinking, and therefore that means there IS a problem ... is it something you want to change? I *think* there is alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction. I can't possibly say which one would apply to you, or if this is even correct! lol sorry I am not much help here...
Alcohol abuse would be drinking maybe too often, too much, or for the wrong reason (for example, drinking as an 'answer' to depression). If this is you, then it'd be a good idea to try to start changing your attitude to / patterns of drinking so it is more healthy.
Then there is the addiciton, which would be more along the lines of not being able to STOP drinking once you have started. You may intend to have just 1 or 2 drinks, and end up having way more than that. Also you may feel 'cravings' for drink if you try to go without it. There are lots of quizzes you can take that give some sort of indication if drinking is a problem - if you look on the AA site for example there should be one there. Or maybe type 'alcohol addiction quiz' into Google and see if any decent looking ones come up.
As far as I can tell from reading your posts, you do have some form of problem with drinking as you sound concerned about it. Wether this has developed into a psychological / chemical dependance ... I couldn't say.
I hope you find the right solution for you! *hug*
Saz x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Good question-
I too, had friends that drank as much or more than I did, but I know they did not drink as often as I did (which was every night), and it also did not effect them the way it did me. I planned a lot around my drinking and each morning I would say, "not tonight", but by around 3 or 4 pm, I knew that I would drink that night again, and I looked forward to it. It became a vicious cycle - there is a saying on medalliions from AA that says "To Thine Own Self Be True" - If I am completely honest with myself, I know that I am an alcoholic - if my friends are, or if you are, or anyone else is, does not really matter - I know that I am. It took me many years to admit this to myself, but it actually was a relief once I accepted it. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!
I too, had friends that drank as much or more than I did, but I know they did not drink as often as I did (which was every night), and it also did not effect them the way it did me. I planned a lot around my drinking and each morning I would say, "not tonight", but by around 3 or 4 pm, I knew that I would drink that night again, and I looked forward to it. It became a vicious cycle - there is a saying on medalliions from AA that says "To Thine Own Self Be True" - If I am completely honest with myself, I know that I am an alcoholic - if my friends are, or if you are, or anyone else is, does not really matter - I know that I am. It took me many years to admit this to myself, but it actually was a relief once I accepted it. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Hey Brenda1,i am alcoholic.I may have, drank less than other alcoholics.I say this because i was a binge drinker.For myself it was not the amount of alcohol.it is how alcohol affects me.No one could tell me if i have a problem with drinking.,before coming to prgram.For,I just ingnored them,when they did..Goes the other way also.Some folks even today tell me im not alcoholic.I would be totally confused if i had left it to others to decisde for me,if im alcoholic or not..smile..But its not their decision.I know that i am.And made a decision to get help.
Hope this helps,
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,,take care!!!!!!!!!!
Hope this helps,
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,,take care!!!!!!!!!!
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
You can always look around and find people who have it worse than you and people who have it better than you. If you are rich, there are always going to be people who are richer. If you are poor, there is alwyas someone who is poorer. If it is causing problems in your life, there is a good chance it is a problem. One way to look at it is by doing Cost/Bennifit Analysis. Take a sheet of paper and on one side write down all of the bennifits of drinking ie: relaxes you, socializing, etc. On the other side write down the Costs of drinking ie: sometimes get out of control, dui, makes you fat, etc. Be very honest on both sides of the page, then take a look at what you have. If the costs outweigh the bennifits, you may want to take a look at your drinking. BTW this is not my original idea, it comes from SMARTRecovery, a 12-step alternative program. Anyway, hope this helps.
Peace,
Tyler
Peace,
Tyler
Michael
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London England
Posts: 291
Denial
I denied my addiction to alcohol for years and years and only woke up to the truth twelve weeks ago today. On that day I finally admitted to myself and to my wife that I had a serious problem. Self-realisation is a tremendously liberating experience and I am still amazed that I was so filled with positive feelings by my admission.
My whole life was planned around my drinking. Any suggestion of things to do, places to go, people to see had to fit in with my drinking or else they were abandoned. Looking back now I am astounded at my blindness but, and it's a big but, I reuse to wallow in self pity over what has been. Denial is a powerful enemy. It will kid you into believing just about anything just so that your body can go on in search of the elusive buzz.
For me addiction to alcohol is not about quantity or even how often you drink. It is far more about the compulsion to drink once you have started. Once I had got drinking the only thing that usually stopped me was when I fell unconscious. I tried to control my drinking but usually moderation was beyond my grasp.
In many ways I count myself as very lucky. I hadn't developed any health problems from drinking, I never lost my driving licence and I managed to hold down my job and maintain my marriage (due more to my wife than to me). I was once told that alcoholism is like an elevator heading down from the top floor of a building, it is up to you to choose when to get off. As I say, I was lucky, I got off before the elevator reached the basement.
If you honestly feel that you have a problem then give up the booze. It seems to me that you will be much happier and relaxed inside yourself if you do. Whatever you decide to do don't worry about your friends' drinking. They have to sort themselves out, you can no more sort out their problems than fly to the moon.
Good luck
Michael
My whole life was planned around my drinking. Any suggestion of things to do, places to go, people to see had to fit in with my drinking or else they were abandoned. Looking back now I am astounded at my blindness but, and it's a big but, I reuse to wallow in self pity over what has been. Denial is a powerful enemy. It will kid you into believing just about anything just so that your body can go on in search of the elusive buzz.
For me addiction to alcohol is not about quantity or even how often you drink. It is far more about the compulsion to drink once you have started. Once I had got drinking the only thing that usually stopped me was when I fell unconscious. I tried to control my drinking but usually moderation was beyond my grasp.
In many ways I count myself as very lucky. I hadn't developed any health problems from drinking, I never lost my driving licence and I managed to hold down my job and maintain my marriage (due more to my wife than to me). I was once told that alcoholism is like an elevator heading down from the top floor of a building, it is up to you to choose when to get off. As I say, I was lucky, I got off before the elevator reached the basement.
If you honestly feel that you have a problem then give up the booze. It seems to me that you will be much happier and relaxed inside yourself if you do. Whatever you decide to do don't worry about your friends' drinking. They have to sort themselves out, you can no more sort out their problems than fly to the moon.
Good luck
Michael
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 18
Thank you for all the wonderful replies! They help me sort out and identify my own problem and how I am going to proceed in dealing with it. I do not feel I am addicted to alcohol but I do abuse it by most definitions I have found. I bet there are many people out there feeling the way many of us do- maybe even the friends I referenced above. I have a upcoming surgery where I have to stop smoking (I smoke only when I drink). I do not like to drink if I cannot have a cigerette- so we will see how that works itself out LOL. Anyway- sounds like I have to hit the "stop smoking" posts too. Thanks- Bren
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Hi Bren,
I used to excuse my drinking by saying that I didn't do this or that, and didn't drink as much as someone else did, or didn't drink scotch, I only drank beer, etc. I sat in AA meetings for a long time doubting whether I belonged there or not because I heard stories coming from others that I couldn't identify with. Then one day, my sponsor suggested that I might try to look for similarities instead of differences. He said that what I drank, where I drank, who I drank with and how much I drank were all interesting points but I was missing the main point. "What happened to me when I drank?" Was I able to stop abruptly and feel ok about it? Was I able to stop after just one beer and not feel like I was missing out on something? Let me ask you something Bren. Have you ever planned to have just a couple drinks and ended up getting drunk? Have you ever done anything while you were drunk that you wouldn't do while sober? Have these two examples happened more than once and did you make excuses when they happened? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes" I'd suggest you have a problem. I don't know how bad a problem obviously, but it might be worth looking into.
I used to excuse my drinking by saying that I didn't do this or that, and didn't drink as much as someone else did, or didn't drink scotch, I only drank beer, etc. I sat in AA meetings for a long time doubting whether I belonged there or not because I heard stories coming from others that I couldn't identify with. Then one day, my sponsor suggested that I might try to look for similarities instead of differences. He said that what I drank, where I drank, who I drank with and how much I drank were all interesting points but I was missing the main point. "What happened to me when I drank?" Was I able to stop abruptly and feel ok about it? Was I able to stop after just one beer and not feel like I was missing out on something? Let me ask you something Bren. Have you ever planned to have just a couple drinks and ended up getting drunk? Have you ever done anything while you were drunk that you wouldn't do while sober? Have these two examples happened more than once and did you make excuses when they happened? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes" I'd suggest you have a problem. I don't know how bad a problem obviously, but it might be worth looking into.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 18
Music- Thanks for the response. Yes to your questions. I have gone out to have a couple and had six. It has happened more than once also. I havent done anything regretful in a long time. Point being "in a long time" But I have before. College days are long over. Bren
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Forgotten Land TN
Posts: 13
hi brenda, I drank every day for 20 years. Sometimes only one, sometimes six. I said I drank to relax and sleep better.
My daughter let me know that it bothered her. She never saw me drunk, but there were times she wanted to go places and I wouldn't because I'd had a beer. I didn't think I was an alcoholic, like you, I didn't fit the 'profiles.'
I decided to quit anyway, what could it hurt? January 16 of this year was my first sober day. Yesterday, my 3 month mark. Could I have just one drink and stop? I think so. Am I willing to give it a try? No way!!! I'm enjoying my sober life and I'm having fun counting days.
I do have trouble sleeping and I think a cold one would help, but I'm so afraid of where that one cold one may take me next. Best to quit while we're 'ahead.'
My daughter let me know that it bothered her. She never saw me drunk, but there were times she wanted to go places and I wouldn't because I'd had a beer. I didn't think I was an alcoholic, like you, I didn't fit the 'profiles.'
I decided to quit anyway, what could it hurt? January 16 of this year was my first sober day. Yesterday, my 3 month mark. Could I have just one drink and stop? I think so. Am I willing to give it a try? No way!!! I'm enjoying my sober life and I'm having fun counting days.
I do have trouble sleeping and I think a cold one would help, but I'm so afraid of where that one cold one may take me next. Best to quit while we're 'ahead.'
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, Brenda,
There are some useful online 'tests' you can take to assess your drinking behavior. The cost-benefit analysis mentioned above usually involves answering questions such as these....take your time!
The next step is to examine the beliefs you have about these answers. We can deal with that after you've pondered these....
Don S
BENEFITS OF USING:
What is it I like about my compulsive habit?
What good does it do for me?
What am I afraid my life would be like if I did not engage in this behavior?
What bad feelings (anger, frustration, stress, depression, etc.) does this
help me deal with?
What positive feelings does this behavior make even better?
How does my compulsion help me to cope better?
How painful would it be to stop engaging in this behavior?
To what extent does this behavior ease or reduce physical pain or discomfort?
How concerned am I about experiencing urges or cravings?
How scary are my cravings?
How often and how much do I like to test my control for excitement (see how
close I can come to the edge or how much I can drink or use)?
How much do I enjoy the high?
What exactly about the high do I like?
How much does this behavior help me socialize comfortably and fit in with
others?
How much do I need this behavior in order to feel normal?
What does feeling normal mean?
How much do I use this behavior to help me cope with conflicts with others?
How much do I use to get back at others, society or the world? To show I
can do what I want?
How much do I like the thrill or excitement of using?
BENEFITS OF QUITTING:
What is it I dislike about this substance or activity?
How does it harm me (be specific)?
What am I afraid my life will be like if I continue to engage in this habit?
How much more productive will I be once I give up my obsession? How much
more time, energy and stamina will I have?
How will my health improve when I quit?
How much more money and success will I have?
How much will my self-respect and the respect of others for me increase?
How much more self-discipline, patience and power over my life will I have?
How much more clearly will I think?
How much will my memory improve?
What legal problems will I avoid?
How will my relationships and sex life improve?
How much better will I feel in the morning?
What pleasures will I experience that are difficult or impossible now?
How will my appearance improve?
How much longer will my lifespan be?
How will my driving improve?
How much will my alertness and concentration improve?
How can I obtain the advantages of my compulsive habit in more effective,
less costly ways?
*
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*
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There are some useful online 'tests' you can take to assess your drinking behavior. The cost-benefit analysis mentioned above usually involves answering questions such as these....take your time!
The next step is to examine the beliefs you have about these answers. We can deal with that after you've pondered these....
Don S
BENEFITS OF USING:
What is it I like about my compulsive habit?
What good does it do for me?
What am I afraid my life would be like if I did not engage in this behavior?
What bad feelings (anger, frustration, stress, depression, etc.) does this
help me deal with?
What positive feelings does this behavior make even better?
How does my compulsion help me to cope better?
How painful would it be to stop engaging in this behavior?
To what extent does this behavior ease or reduce physical pain or discomfort?
How concerned am I about experiencing urges or cravings?
How scary are my cravings?
How often and how much do I like to test my control for excitement (see how
close I can come to the edge or how much I can drink or use)?
How much do I enjoy the high?
What exactly about the high do I like?
How much does this behavior help me socialize comfortably and fit in with
others?
How much do I need this behavior in order to feel normal?
What does feeling normal mean?
How much do I use this behavior to help me cope with conflicts with others?
How much do I use to get back at others, society or the world? To show I
can do what I want?
How much do I like the thrill or excitement of using?
BENEFITS OF QUITTING:
What is it I dislike about this substance or activity?
How does it harm me (be specific)?
What am I afraid my life will be like if I continue to engage in this habit?
How much more productive will I be once I give up my obsession? How much
more time, energy and stamina will I have?
How will my health improve when I quit?
How much more money and success will I have?
How much will my self-respect and the respect of others for me increase?
How much more self-discipline, patience and power over my life will I have?
How much more clearly will I think?
How much will my memory improve?
What legal problems will I avoid?
How will my relationships and sex life improve?
How much better will I feel in the morning?
What pleasures will I experience that are difficult or impossible now?
How will my appearance improve?
How much longer will my lifespan be?
How will my driving improve?
How much will my alertness and concentration improve?
How can I obtain the advantages of my compulsive habit in more effective,
less costly ways?
*
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*
*
*
*
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 21
I heard it put this way once. If alcohol was our problem, then we could quit and our problems would go away and we could learn to manage our drinking better...I was told this applied to someone who had alcohol abuse problems. For the alcoholic, like me, when I remove alcohol I don't know how to deal with life...alcohol is not my problem in life, but my solution. Unfortunetly for me b/c of the craving aspect of alcoholism I can't use alcohol as a solution and still avoid problems...I must find another solution. Good luck to you and thanks for the post as I struggled with the same questions.
John
ps--as far as comparing yourself to others, IMHO, it just makes it harder. only you know where you are and don't need others to make that decision.
John
ps--as far as comparing yourself to others, IMHO, it just makes it harder. only you know where you are and don't need others to make that decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 18
Thanks Don, Choices and all for sharing your experiences, it really makes a difference. Everyone is so different in their experience that I can understand this disease is so individualized. Coming to realization is different for everyone but something everyone has in common. Bren
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