scapegoating alcohol
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: portland, maine
Posts: 26
scapegoating alcohol
i didn't drink for virtually the entire term.......i am being dismissed from school anyway for lack of attendance. it's devastating, but i think the one thing i will carry away from it is that drinking was never my problem. i drank everyday last term and made a 82 average. this term, i will have zip to show for three months of sobriety, and a great deal more studying.
i don't know why i posted this except to say that in rare cases, like me, the problem is entirely with the person and/or the process he/she finds oneself in, and not the drink.
i don't know why i posted this except to say that in rare cases, like me, the problem is entirely with the person and/or the process he/she finds oneself in, and not the drink.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Absolutely and emphatically yes and yes again.
The drink itself, and it's abuse, is simply the external manifestation of things inside us that are either broken or in dire need of a tune up.
Not drinking, in and of itself, resolves very little of the causes that drove us to drink in the first place.
I'm sorry to hear about what went down for you this semester.
The drink itself, and it's abuse, is simply the external manifestation of things inside us that are either broken or in dire need of a tune up.
Not drinking, in and of itself, resolves very little of the causes that drove us to drink in the first place.
I'm sorry to hear about what went down for you this semester.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: colorado
Posts: 62
Friday nite AA meeting #2 since giving up going it alone.
The lead running the meeting had his birthday and it was his 18th year of sobriety, another guy had been there along with him for 18 years too. That blew me away, there were only 10 people there.
Anyway he has been saying to me that not drinking for a year while my wife was preggo, was simply being 'dry'. That if you dont examine your flaws and defects then sobriety is hell, he goes on to say sobriety isnt all that great, life is still a bitch.
But avoiding all of that by drinking makes it harder to work on your own issues.
The lead running the meeting had his birthday and it was his 18th year of sobriety, another guy had been there along with him for 18 years too. That blew me away, there were only 10 people there.
Anyway he has been saying to me that not drinking for a year while my wife was preggo, was simply being 'dry'. That if you dont examine your flaws and defects then sobriety is hell, he goes on to say sobriety isnt all that great, life is still a bitch.
But avoiding all of that by drinking makes it harder to work on your own issues.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
I'm sorry to hear you sounding so down, and feeling so bad about yourself.
Please don't dismiss the accomplishment of having been dry for a year while your wife was pregnant. You were being supportive of her, and were doing good things for your mind and body by not drinking. All sobriety counts. It's just nice if we're more comfortable about it so we feel it's been worthwhile.
"...he goes on to say sobriety isnt all that great, life is still a bitch."
Life is life; we decide whether it's a bitch. You can achieve some things, and others are not within your reach. You can decide it's great, or a bitch. You can react to things and let your emotions whipsaw you around. Or you can act on the things you have control over and accept the things you don't.
For example, you can work your way back into school, if you still have that goal. I'm guessing you know what it would take, and it isn't out of your reach. I'm also guessing that goal would be easier to achieve sober than drinking, in spite of how things went this semester.
Drinking is often a means of coping with stress or anxiety or other conditions. Not a very effective means, but it is one we can gradually slip into and find it hard to get out of. So just quitting doesn't help us feel better, if we don't find another way of coping with those emotionally upsetting conditions (but that still doesn't mean quitting wasn't worthwhile--just the physical benefits of sobriety alone are worth reminding yourself about periodically).
One of the things we do that often leads to stress, and the desire to drink, is we create demands on ourselves. We judge our selves and find ourselves wanting. We rate our selves, our lives, events, our day, our week, our status. Please do not tear yourself down as you examine yourself. Please do not look only at your flaws; take some time to affirm the things you do well, to separate the behavior from your character, and to recognize what you are capable of.
You are not defective. You have unhealthy behavior, and it isn't only the drinking. Other things like procrastination and lack of follow through are common problems students have, and they can be related to lack of self-confidence, to depression, to paralyzing anxiety, or any of a number of other emotional situations. What you believe about yourself and your capabilities may be the key to getting out of this discouraging condition you find yourself in.
You have shown that you are capable of sobriety, and know what to do to stop drinking. You know that drinking won't make it easier to make the changes that will help you move forward. And you probably know that those changes will be incremental and that you won't see a 'new you' overnight. The key to curing negative thinking isn't positive thinking, it's realistic thinking and learning acceptance. Some practical goal-setting might be in order, too. Where do you want to be in your life a year from now?
Keep in touch, and thanks for posting,
Don S
Please don't dismiss the accomplishment of having been dry for a year while your wife was pregnant. You were being supportive of her, and were doing good things for your mind and body by not drinking. All sobriety counts. It's just nice if we're more comfortable about it so we feel it's been worthwhile.
"...he goes on to say sobriety isnt all that great, life is still a bitch."
Life is life; we decide whether it's a bitch. You can achieve some things, and others are not within your reach. You can decide it's great, or a bitch. You can react to things and let your emotions whipsaw you around. Or you can act on the things you have control over and accept the things you don't.
For example, you can work your way back into school, if you still have that goal. I'm guessing you know what it would take, and it isn't out of your reach. I'm also guessing that goal would be easier to achieve sober than drinking, in spite of how things went this semester.
Drinking is often a means of coping with stress or anxiety or other conditions. Not a very effective means, but it is one we can gradually slip into and find it hard to get out of. So just quitting doesn't help us feel better, if we don't find another way of coping with those emotionally upsetting conditions (but that still doesn't mean quitting wasn't worthwhile--just the physical benefits of sobriety alone are worth reminding yourself about periodically).
One of the things we do that often leads to stress, and the desire to drink, is we create demands on ourselves. We judge our selves and find ourselves wanting. We rate our selves, our lives, events, our day, our week, our status. Please do not tear yourself down as you examine yourself. Please do not look only at your flaws; take some time to affirm the things you do well, to separate the behavior from your character, and to recognize what you are capable of.
You are not defective. You have unhealthy behavior, and it isn't only the drinking. Other things like procrastination and lack of follow through are common problems students have, and they can be related to lack of self-confidence, to depression, to paralyzing anxiety, or any of a number of other emotional situations. What you believe about yourself and your capabilities may be the key to getting out of this discouraging condition you find yourself in.
You have shown that you are capable of sobriety, and know what to do to stop drinking. You know that drinking won't make it easier to make the changes that will help you move forward. And you probably know that those changes will be incremental and that you won't see a 'new you' overnight. The key to curing negative thinking isn't positive thinking, it's realistic thinking and learning acceptance. Some practical goal-setting might be in order, too. Where do you want to be in your life a year from now?
Keep in touch, and thanks for posting,
Don S
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: portland, maine
Posts: 26
....
I really don't know what to do or how to proceed. My school has an anal attendance policy that tons of people cheat/subvert by getting signed in or signing others in. I didn't commit a crime or do anything wrong; i just didn't join the cheaters. all i wanted was to compete on a level playing field and i have demonstrated i can. i have made several good grades, only one poor one.
i don't know what to do. i am not thinking at all in terms drinking, whether i do or not i do not think will impact anything really. as i said, i drank daily last term and did great and virtually not at all this term and everything blew up in my face. the beer is a non-issue. i just don't know; i almost feel cursed. how can people who rarely attended class but had someone to sign them in be completely ok while i never cheated on this or anything and i am screwed? it's not the first time either. where do i want to be a year from now? honestly, not for attention or pity or sympathy or whatever, i would like to be in a cemetery. and i don't want to wait a year either. tonight or tomorrow or as soon as possible will do nicely. i would never harm myself under any circumstances because i don't believe in religion or an afterlife or whatever, and i could not bear to bring that kind of sorrow deliberately to my family, but i would dearly welcome death in a plane crash or something similarly quick and painless. i am sick and tired of this crap, and please don't make it a play on the aa slogan of "sick and tired of being sick and tired", it is not about the drink. so why i am posting here? don't know, but will try to stop. good luck to you all, i am not saying alcoholism isn't real, i am only saying that it is not my problem, and i may not ever figure out what my problem is. i keep taking the wrong turns in the maze and winding up with absolute squat for any time, money, and effort i ever put into any endeavor, which just reinforces my desire to do nothing.
i don't know what to do. i am not thinking at all in terms drinking, whether i do or not i do not think will impact anything really. as i said, i drank daily last term and did great and virtually not at all this term and everything blew up in my face. the beer is a non-issue. i just don't know; i almost feel cursed. how can people who rarely attended class but had someone to sign them in be completely ok while i never cheated on this or anything and i am screwed? it's not the first time either. where do i want to be a year from now? honestly, not for attention or pity or sympathy or whatever, i would like to be in a cemetery. and i don't want to wait a year either. tonight or tomorrow or as soon as possible will do nicely. i would never harm myself under any circumstances because i don't believe in religion or an afterlife or whatever, and i could not bear to bring that kind of sorrow deliberately to my family, but i would dearly welcome death in a plane crash or something similarly quick and painless. i am sick and tired of this crap, and please don't make it a play on the aa slogan of "sick and tired of being sick and tired", it is not about the drink. so why i am posting here? don't know, but will try to stop. good luck to you all, i am not saying alcoholism isn't real, i am only saying that it is not my problem, and i may not ever figure out what my problem is. i keep taking the wrong turns in the maze and winding up with absolute squat for any time, money, and effort i ever put into any endeavor, which just reinforces my desire to do nothing.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, newlysober,
Well, you're not going to get any slogans out of me here!
I wonder if a guidance counselor could give you some, um, guidance here. First of all, wherever you are isn't the only school in your field, or the only path you could be pursuing. I know it probably feels awful to have been turned out like this, and it may well be incredibly unfair. But keep your eye on the larger goal you had in going there in the first place. I don't know that I'd rush into any specific decision, but getting an outside opinion about other places, other approaches to your education could help you feel more hopeful about things.
Let me tell you what you have accomplished. 'The beer is a non-issue...it's not about the drink.' So with that out of the way, I'd repeat what I said before: please do not tear yourself down. And I hope you will keep posting here, because even though this forum says Alcoholism, it's really about Life.
Either way, take care of yourself,
Don S
Well, you're not going to get any slogans out of me here!
I wonder if a guidance counselor could give you some, um, guidance here. First of all, wherever you are isn't the only school in your field, or the only path you could be pursuing. I know it probably feels awful to have been turned out like this, and it may well be incredibly unfair. But keep your eye on the larger goal you had in going there in the first place. I don't know that I'd rush into any specific decision, but getting an outside opinion about other places, other approaches to your education could help you feel more hopeful about things.
Let me tell you what you have accomplished. 'The beer is a non-issue...it's not about the drink.' So with that out of the way, I'd repeat what I said before: please do not tear yourself down. And I hope you will keep posting here, because even though this forum says Alcoholism, it's really about Life.
Either way, take care of yourself,
Don S
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Hey Newlysober - I'm also sorry about the way things turned out. Doesn't sound fair. I don't know if you've got a problem with alcohol, but it sounds to me like depression is a very real issue for you. I hope you'll find some help. You're in a lot of pain my friend, and it doesn't have to be that bad.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Hey Don,
Those were great posts. It's really refreshing to hear advice that does not include anything remotely religious. But... was wondering if you realized that post #1 and post #3 were two different people. I thought they were the same when I first started reading lol.
Paul J
Those were great posts. It's really refreshing to hear advice that does not include anything remotely religious. But... was wondering if you realized that post #1 and post #3 were two different people. I thought they were the same when I first started reading lol.
Paul J
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: portland, maine
Posts: 26
....
thanks you guys, each reply means something. i am completely alone here and dealing with this. i am already over the dismissal, i just wish i had never come to med school. what is wrong with me? i don't want to be a doctor, don't care about helping people or disease process or money or status, or any of it. i came because i am so stupid that i felt since my lsat was not good enough for a good law school and since i don't have the academic or work background for an mba, then that means i should go to med school just because i can and have the qualifications.
wrong, i should not have come. because it's a long, hard road, and i am a lazy, lazy, incredibly lazy person. why did i think i would change? i never change, so why did i think i would. i don't regret the time and effort spent, but the 35 thousand dollars, dear god, i have no idea what will happen there. well, i do actually, my dad cosigned and he actually has something to lose, unlike me whose credit is already bad anyway because of a single five hundred dollar delinquency five years ago.
it is horrible that i asked him to take out this loan and now i have miserably failed. i wish i could just retreat to a dark room somewhere remote on this planet, with a tv, a computer and some books, and just some food everyday. it could just be a single room with a bed, the aforementioned things and nothing else at all. i would be fine, it's how i have been living for years. well, and also i would like to see my brother once in a while, he is my only friend and confidante.
wrong, i should not have come. because it's a long, hard road, and i am a lazy, lazy, incredibly lazy person. why did i think i would change? i never change, so why did i think i would. i don't regret the time and effort spent, but the 35 thousand dollars, dear god, i have no idea what will happen there. well, i do actually, my dad cosigned and he actually has something to lose, unlike me whose credit is already bad anyway because of a single five hundred dollar delinquency five years ago.
it is horrible that i asked him to take out this loan and now i have miserably failed. i wish i could just retreat to a dark room somewhere remote on this planet, with a tv, a computer and some books, and just some food everyday. it could just be a single room with a bed, the aforementioned things and nothing else at all. i would be fine, it's how i have been living for years. well, and also i would like to see my brother once in a while, he is my only friend and confidante.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Well, I doubt if you're stupid, nor do I think you're lazy. I'm not sure what the point is in flagellating yourself this way.
Nor do I think the only careers in life require degrees in law, medicine, or business. I'd be curious what you do like to do, where you would like to be a year from now -- if only in an ideal world. Maybe this isn't the time for you to be making career or education decisions. Maybe a year working in some interesting field would be useful, and would help you regroup financially. Again, a guidance counselor could help you focus your priorities and could give you an objective perspective about your skills and options.
Look, your dad will be disappointed. You are disappointed. That's a reality you'll deal with. I know that telling someone who is discouraged or depressed to 'buck up' or 'look on the bright side' is pretty hollow and pointless.
But when we are depressed, there are things we can do. One is to stop 'awfulizing' about how bad things are. Adding up all the problems into one big awfulness can make it seem overwhelming. If you're going to pick at things, break your stress points down into manageable size and describe them in action terms, preferably affirmative ones. So instead of making the generalization that your dad will be disappointed in you, you tell yourself that it will be helpful to communicate with your father about this and you make a specific plan for how to do that effectively.
Another thing we can do is to get up and get moving--isolating and brooding tends to magnify the problem. Engaging in some mental or physical activity is useful even if your heart is not in it.
And another useful thing to do is to reach out, even when it hurts your pride a bit to do so. If your brother is your friend and confidante, this would be a good time to talk with him. Perhaps he could give you a fresh perspective, and it really sounds to me as though you could use one right now.
Plus, we are here. So please keep in touch.
Don S
Nor do I think the only careers in life require degrees in law, medicine, or business. I'd be curious what you do like to do, where you would like to be a year from now -- if only in an ideal world. Maybe this isn't the time for you to be making career or education decisions. Maybe a year working in some interesting field would be useful, and would help you regroup financially. Again, a guidance counselor could help you focus your priorities and could give you an objective perspective about your skills and options.
Look, your dad will be disappointed. You are disappointed. That's a reality you'll deal with. I know that telling someone who is discouraged or depressed to 'buck up' or 'look on the bright side' is pretty hollow and pointless.
But when we are depressed, there are things we can do. One is to stop 'awfulizing' about how bad things are. Adding up all the problems into one big awfulness can make it seem overwhelming. If you're going to pick at things, break your stress points down into manageable size and describe them in action terms, preferably affirmative ones. So instead of making the generalization that your dad will be disappointed in you, you tell yourself that it will be helpful to communicate with your father about this and you make a specific plan for how to do that effectively.
Another thing we can do is to get up and get moving--isolating and brooding tends to magnify the problem. Engaging in some mental or physical activity is useful even if your heart is not in it.
And another useful thing to do is to reach out, even when it hurts your pride a bit to do so. If your brother is your friend and confidante, this would be a good time to talk with him. Perhaps he could give you a fresh perspective, and it really sounds to me as though you could use one right now.
Plus, we are here. So please keep in touch.
Don S
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: colorado
Posts: 62
To: Newlysober From: Gettingsober ( just to keep things clear for all of us )
I never thought of using an aircraft for that. I tell you that I so hated computers science that I took my apt money and flew my gal to hawaii, we had great fun, then I came home and the university had kicked me out. I managed to get back in and catchup over the summer. In fact I never should have taken summers off, breaks your stride. I got so depressed after I walked away from flying in the air force while in college that I began a cocaine addiction. It was pretty bad but I could not get into a degree for money after thinking about all this honor and protecting our country. I was lost. I finally decided to get a degree and get the hell out of there. After a few years I was pretty unhappy working in front of a computer all day so I quit and racked up 2000 hours of flight time. I LOVED flying, never thougth about drinking, I loved everyday, flying different aircraft, teaching people safe engine out maneuvering or giving the person a surprise 1st 'solo'. But the economy would not cooperate so I went back to comptuers and thought I might get rich working for startups with stock options, 4 startups later it has not happened but now I have a big new house, 2 new cars and a wife and baby girl who depend on my so I am stuck in this occupation. Now drinking is a problem.
Do yourself a favor, take the fellas advice from weeks ago, get the heck out of the medical field, do something your insanely curious about that has you up at all hours digging further. I was that way at times in computer science, but I was also making 6 figures and they were not offshoring the work to the 3rd world. I think if you changed up your life to a pursuit that is a better fit you might find that you really really enjoy life. You sound smart but tortured by this path you feel obligated to be on. Take a semester off and look around.
You only live once dont waste it living someone else dream, live yours. I doubt if you feel this way now you will suddenly love the work later.
I never thought of using an aircraft for that. I tell you that I so hated computers science that I took my apt money and flew my gal to hawaii, we had great fun, then I came home and the university had kicked me out. I managed to get back in and catchup over the summer. In fact I never should have taken summers off, breaks your stride. I got so depressed after I walked away from flying in the air force while in college that I began a cocaine addiction. It was pretty bad but I could not get into a degree for money after thinking about all this honor and protecting our country. I was lost. I finally decided to get a degree and get the hell out of there. After a few years I was pretty unhappy working in front of a computer all day so I quit and racked up 2000 hours of flight time. I LOVED flying, never thougth about drinking, I loved everyday, flying different aircraft, teaching people safe engine out maneuvering or giving the person a surprise 1st 'solo'. But the economy would not cooperate so I went back to comptuers and thought I might get rich working for startups with stock options, 4 startups later it has not happened but now I have a big new house, 2 new cars and a wife and baby girl who depend on my so I am stuck in this occupation. Now drinking is a problem.
Do yourself a favor, take the fellas advice from weeks ago, get the heck out of the medical field, do something your insanely curious about that has you up at all hours digging further. I was that way at times in computer science, but I was also making 6 figures and they were not offshoring the work to the 3rd world. I think if you changed up your life to a pursuit that is a better fit you might find that you really really enjoy life. You sound smart but tortured by this path you feel obligated to be on. Take a semester off and look around.
You only live once dont waste it living someone else dream, live yours. I doubt if you feel this way now you will suddenly love the work later.
Last edited by GettingSober; 03-20-2005 at 04:29 PM.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: portland, maine
Posts: 26
....
no, i understand what y'all are saying but the truth is i think i am now disavowing any interest in medicine because my last chance at it is now gone. i feel, as with many events now in life, that this was a fluke. i failed anatomy by 4 points last term, and was repeating it this term. the lecture part of the class was held at 7 30 am and that's the one i missed almost totally, except for about 4 classes out about 20 held so far. there are 4 2-hr lab sessions per week that i can't stand either, since i have gone through it all last term, and i missed several of those too, though not as bad as lecture. and that was the course where both instructors were keeping their eye on me.
my other courses didn't have labs, and were much bigger in terms of class size, so i could have gotten away with those. and i do have a sleep disorder whereby i stay up all night and sleep during the day. none of this will matter to them, and anyway they are trying to enforce a policy on me that others cheated and subverted.
the worst thing is, this is not the first time this type of thing happened. ten years ago, i went to a medical school in india, it's an extremely long story, but the short version is: i found it wasn't accredited in any way shape, or form, withdrew. my parents talked me into returning promising to be by my side, all hell broke loose a year later and my parents completely took the school's side, my father even ended up paying this total sham of a school, completely unaccredited at all, thirty thousand dollars in "tuition" after the fact. and that whole episode played a role in my coming to med school now, though i also wanted to do something worthwhile with my life which is the main reason.
it's not going to make sense in this condensed version. time after time, i am being singled out and i don't know why. it's so frustrating to see a policy in place that is being applied only to me. i want to scream and shout in frustration, but who will listen, that is who in a position of authority to help me?
and as far as what i want to do, i have thought about it a lot and medicine would have fit the bill. i already showed proficiency in med school in most subjects, perhaps not all. my grades so far were 1 A, 2Bs, and 1 F (by four points). but unlike what Don said above, this IS pretty much the only school i can go to. because there are five good caribbean schools, this one being the bottom of those five. below those five, the schools are heinous. and the ones above this one in the top five, already rejected me last year and sure aren't going to be swayed into acceptance by a dismissal from my present school.
so, it is over. i understand life is unfair and sometimes these things happen, but i have never heard of it happening repeatedly to someone doing nothing wrong. all my crimes are crimes of omission, maybe i didn't do so-and-so,but logically and appropriately i am also not enjoying the benefit of the omitted activity or action. i have done nothing to deserve this, and it's being brought down on me anyway. my parents nor anyone will listen to one word, they have seen it before, and it's totally the boy crying wolf situation, except the boy is now in his mid-thirties and this was his last chance at a real and meaningful life.
my other courses didn't have labs, and were much bigger in terms of class size, so i could have gotten away with those. and i do have a sleep disorder whereby i stay up all night and sleep during the day. none of this will matter to them, and anyway they are trying to enforce a policy on me that others cheated and subverted.
the worst thing is, this is not the first time this type of thing happened. ten years ago, i went to a medical school in india, it's an extremely long story, but the short version is: i found it wasn't accredited in any way shape, or form, withdrew. my parents talked me into returning promising to be by my side, all hell broke loose a year later and my parents completely took the school's side, my father even ended up paying this total sham of a school, completely unaccredited at all, thirty thousand dollars in "tuition" after the fact. and that whole episode played a role in my coming to med school now, though i also wanted to do something worthwhile with my life which is the main reason.
it's not going to make sense in this condensed version. time after time, i am being singled out and i don't know why. it's so frustrating to see a policy in place that is being applied only to me. i want to scream and shout in frustration, but who will listen, that is who in a position of authority to help me?
and as far as what i want to do, i have thought about it a lot and medicine would have fit the bill. i already showed proficiency in med school in most subjects, perhaps not all. my grades so far were 1 A, 2Bs, and 1 F (by four points). but unlike what Don said above, this IS pretty much the only school i can go to. because there are five good caribbean schools, this one being the bottom of those five. below those five, the schools are heinous. and the ones above this one in the top five, already rejected me last year and sure aren't going to be swayed into acceptance by a dismissal from my present school.
so, it is over. i understand life is unfair and sometimes these things happen, but i have never heard of it happening repeatedly to someone doing nothing wrong. all my crimes are crimes of omission, maybe i didn't do so-and-so,but logically and appropriately i am also not enjoying the benefit of the omitted activity or action. i have done nothing to deserve this, and it's being brought down on me anyway. my parents nor anyone will listen to one word, they have seen it before, and it's totally the boy crying wolf situation, except the boy is now in his mid-thirties and this was his last chance at a real and meaningful life.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: colorado
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by NewlySober
last chance at a real and meaningful life.
1st you need to get over the sentence above. I felt that way when I bailed on a Flight slot with the Air Force. Top gun came out and I had already realized I was not missing anything in the civilian sector. I was ready to sign up for the 7 year committment. But now the they were flooded with applicants, qualified applicants for years. Due to my age I was not able to signup, things had changed while I was working in the computer field. I had a serious funk for many years. Racking up 2000 hours of General Aviation flying soothed it a great deal. ( maybe you should be a vet ? more fun and you said you have the aptitude ) I have found a much more meaningful life but its not perfect, I think what I need is to give and work with people outside my job, so I may be doing Habitat for Humanity this summer.
The other point I disagree on is despite your hard luck you could have changed the outcome if you had wanted it enough, desire or curiosity. Whenver I MAXOUT luck goes my way, whenever I gamble and cut it close I dont feel very lucky. Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.
There are probably excellent reasons why you took the path you did. Much of that is probably due to 'fit'. We all have to find what is right for us. If you enjoy what you will do the money will flow to you regardless. I am doing taxes now, I pulled in 20k side money last year in consulting. I have nothing but 400 bucks this year because I lost my drive/focus/ambition. My occupation can be all those great things and the more I put myself into it, the more it gives back and the better I feel. Your probably good at a lot of other things too and maybe downright brilliant in something you have yet to try.
Good luck on your new start !
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: portland, maine
Posts: 26
thanks
Thanks to you all for being so supportive and understanding. Life has turned around 100 percent since I posted here nine months ago. I mean, it's really difficult to articulate in an organized way all the positive changes and developments of the last 9 months without rambling endlessly.
To sum up, I am still in medical school and things have gone beautifully since the spring. The school gave me one more chance as far as attendance and i got my stuff straightened out and went to all classes, studied a lot more, and did a lot better. A huge factor in this and everything was that for some strange and mysterious reason, in May 2005 for the first time in at least 7 or 8 years I started going to sleep at 11 pm and waking at 6 am and continue to do to the present and future. This has helped with life immeasurably, though it seems like a simple thing. 2005 started out so awful and stayed that way for the first four months, it's hard to believe that it turned out to be, without question, the best and most productive year of my life (which is saying very little, but a good feeling nonetheless)
To sum up, I am still in medical school and things have gone beautifully since the spring. The school gave me one more chance as far as attendance and i got my stuff straightened out and went to all classes, studied a lot more, and did a lot better. A huge factor in this and everything was that for some strange and mysterious reason, in May 2005 for the first time in at least 7 or 8 years I started going to sleep at 11 pm and waking at 6 am and continue to do to the present and future. This has helped with life immeasurably, though it seems like a simple thing. 2005 started out so awful and stayed that way for the first four months, it's hard to believe that it turned out to be, without question, the best and most productive year of my life (which is saying very little, but a good feeling nonetheless)
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: portland, maine
Posts: 26
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Hey, no one need thank me. The thanks should go to the existence of boards like these. I am so disorganized that even if I did keep a journal or diary, there's no way I would have entries from the spring at arm's reach today to flip back and see what was going on then. So really this is an invaluable service.
I must say it's truly the first time in my life that things worked themselves out. All my life I heard that cliche about things working out, but it never happened until now. And right now, the excellent resolution of everything is really kind of in my face and surrounding me because I am back in the place where I was in the spring in the bad time. At that time, I came to see this place as where my dreams died their final death.
Then I left after the term ended and received my grades and found that I very narrowly passed. That was like my rebirth. And the last two terms were done elsewhere per the setup of my school. And now I'm back. And I'm really going to try to use the fact of my returning in triumph as a building block to just change my fundamental attitude toward life, and to try to cleanse my spirit and soul of all the hate and negativity.
Also, for the last eight months, I had been smoking weed daily. But I haven't smoked any in the last few days so what I said is not drug-induced, but reality based. While I really don't believe in this broad brush we use to paint all drinkers, all smokers, etc., smoking weed daily or anything other than occasionally is not something I want due to its various drawbacks, most of all tolerance probably. But there is no weed here, and I know I can't get any which is good, and I will really try to make 2006 the year that I put my hateful parents, my wretched life and past behind me and start anew with a clean slate and a clear and open mind.
I must say it's truly the first time in my life that things worked themselves out. All my life I heard that cliche about things working out, but it never happened until now. And right now, the excellent resolution of everything is really kind of in my face and surrounding me because I am back in the place where I was in the spring in the bad time. At that time, I came to see this place as where my dreams died their final death.
Then I left after the term ended and received my grades and found that I very narrowly passed. That was like my rebirth. And the last two terms were done elsewhere per the setup of my school. And now I'm back. And I'm really going to try to use the fact of my returning in triumph as a building block to just change my fundamental attitude toward life, and to try to cleanse my spirit and soul of all the hate and negativity.
Also, for the last eight months, I had been smoking weed daily. But I haven't smoked any in the last few days so what I said is not drug-induced, but reality based. While I really don't believe in this broad brush we use to paint all drinkers, all smokers, etc., smoking weed daily or anything other than occasionally is not something I want due to its various drawbacks, most of all tolerance probably. But there is no weed here, and I know I can't get any which is good, and I will really try to make 2006 the year that I put my hateful parents, my wretched life and past behind me and start anew with a clean slate and a clear and open mind.
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