Back on Day 2 again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: SE Oklahoma
Posts: 108
Back on Day 2 again
It is amazing how my mind goes through this internal battle - no I don't want to drink, yes I do want to drink. Then there comes the reason why I want to drink for example my mom called last night and had to go back through an MRI due to finding a suspicious growth in her throat, she just finished radiation for throat cancer last year and they never found the host. I moved 1700 miles away from her thinking that she was ok and that I could move on with my life now. Argh, today I have to return rental movies to town - where there is a liquor store and have asked my husband to do this for me, so that I do not stop and buy any liquor.
Now for the reason that I can't drink, I simply can not afford to purchase alcohol - let alone pay my bills. Again, the internal battle comes in - I want to drink because I have no money. Where does the thought process come in here. :yelling How did you get beyond this? Geez I know that if I can just make it to the end of the week that I will feel so much better. When I had a prescription drug problem and the pills were no longer obtainable - I just knew that it was over - end of story. But, alcohol you can drive to the nearest town and buy - no prescription and they are not going to tell you no you can't have it.
Anyways, just had to get that out there and looking for advice on how to get beyond this and move on to a sober life.
Thanks
Now for the reason that I can't drink, I simply can not afford to purchase alcohol - let alone pay my bills. Again, the internal battle comes in - I want to drink because I have no money. Where does the thought process come in here. :yelling How did you get beyond this? Geez I know that if I can just make it to the end of the week that I will feel so much better. When I had a prescription drug problem and the pills were no longer obtainable - I just knew that it was over - end of story. But, alcohol you can drive to the nearest town and buy - no prescription and they are not going to tell you no you can't have it.
Anyways, just had to get that out there and looking for advice on how to get beyond this and move on to a sober life.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Go to the middle of nowhere & add 20 miles
Posts: 30
First off - hope your Mom's okay. You can be a lot of support even from 1700 miles away believe it or not.
Second - having the husband drop off the movies was probably wise at this point. Sounds like you would have gotten a bottle. But sooner or later you will have to do those things even though the temptation exists. But I digress, you already know that.
The little argument you are having with yourself.... Well that I call my "evil twin" syndrome. Where I am wanting to get sober and live life that way - alcohol the cunning drug that it is can convince my evil twin that one couldn't hurt. Okay, you know the story too, we all do no matter what we call it or how we deal with it.
Suggestion: maybe instead of looking towards the end of the week as being better - - what can you do to make today better & sober. Remember, we all our looking for an instant fix - don't make the goals too lofty (the end of the week is a long way away). Work on today.
Best wishes for you.
If all else fails - like you said "shutup & ride".
Northwoods Lady
Second - having the husband drop off the movies was probably wise at this point. Sounds like you would have gotten a bottle. But sooner or later you will have to do those things even though the temptation exists. But I digress, you already know that.
The little argument you are having with yourself.... Well that I call my "evil twin" syndrome. Where I am wanting to get sober and live life that way - alcohol the cunning drug that it is can convince my evil twin that one couldn't hurt. Okay, you know the story too, we all do no matter what we call it or how we deal with it.
Suggestion: maybe instead of looking towards the end of the week as being better - - what can you do to make today better & sober. Remember, we all our looking for an instant fix - don't make the goals too lofty (the end of the week is a long way away). Work on today.
Best wishes for you.
If all else fails - like you said "shutup & ride".
Northwoods Lady
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 16
Northwoods Lady is right - what can you do right now to make today better and sober?
And guess what? You can give yourself a little credit - you've already done something! You had your husband go somewhere that for you is a dangerous place right now - great! AND you are posting how you are feeling, which is another choice you are making to stay sober! Keep making those choices! Every choice you make is putting effort towards relapse or recovery, whether we are consciously thinking about it that way or not. And today you are putting effort towards recovery! Be good to yourself today. You are doing the next right thing. Keep doing it, and you will get through this, and things will get better!
Hugs!
And guess what? You can give yourself a little credit - you've already done something! You had your husband go somewhere that for you is a dangerous place right now - great! AND you are posting how you are feeling, which is another choice you are making to stay sober! Keep making those choices! Every choice you make is putting effort towards relapse or recovery, whether we are consciously thinking about it that way or not. And today you are putting effort towards recovery! Be good to yourself today. You are doing the next right thing. Keep doing it, and you will get through this, and things will get better!
Hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: SE Oklahoma
Posts: 108
Thank you. My mother just phoned and gave me more details. She is very scared right now understandably so. I reassured her that if I would be there for her here and there. I would fly home and work from her house in necessary. My dad is there but has a hard time under stress and gets scared too. Please help me in praying that I stay sober through this and my mother gets a clean check back on her MRI. Thank you for listening.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 74
Count me in!! My prayers are with you...especially..Mothers are so special, and I can relate to what you are going through.
Just for today...don't drink..just today..
Thoughts n' prayers..Luna/lynda
Just for today...don't drink..just today..
Thoughts n' prayers..Luna/lynda
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Cedar Rapids, IA
Posts: 26
Dear Goneriding,
I take care of my mother. She has Emphazima, and is on 24 hour oxygen. Life before I started taking care of her was wonderful compared to how it is now. I never had a clue as to what a caregiver could do to you emotionally. I was sober 7 years when we decided to take care of her. We sold her house and our house and moved into one big house so there would be room for all of us. At the same time I was switching jobs and my husband was due to go on interferon treatment for Hep C. So we a looking at 3 or 4 food stress factors. I stayed sober maybe ayear here, but my mom was very difficult to take care of, and one day she said I was trying to kill her because I did not get rid of all the candles, popporri and all the things that makes her ill. I went over the edge and had my first nervous breakdown. I was sent to a mental ward and put on antidepressants and also stayed on the xanex that kept me calm. I tryed to deal with my mothers attitude and my husbands irrational thinking due to the interferon treatment, and one day found myself telling everyone to #*#* off, give me a beer and a cigarette and everyone leave me alone. Ive been drinking ever sense. I know, its not the answer, and I want myself back, my strong will, my self respect, and I want to be in control again. My process has been very slow. I wont go on forever about my problems, I just wanted to let you know I understand the stress that goes with dealing with a parent that is ill.
heyhaze
I take care of my mother. She has Emphazima, and is on 24 hour oxygen. Life before I started taking care of her was wonderful compared to how it is now. I never had a clue as to what a caregiver could do to you emotionally. I was sober 7 years when we decided to take care of her. We sold her house and our house and moved into one big house so there would be room for all of us. At the same time I was switching jobs and my husband was due to go on interferon treatment for Hep C. So we a looking at 3 or 4 food stress factors. I stayed sober maybe ayear here, but my mom was very difficult to take care of, and one day she said I was trying to kill her because I did not get rid of all the candles, popporri and all the things that makes her ill. I went over the edge and had my first nervous breakdown. I was sent to a mental ward and put on antidepressants and also stayed on the xanex that kept me calm. I tryed to deal with my mothers attitude and my husbands irrational thinking due to the interferon treatment, and one day found myself telling everyone to #*#* off, give me a beer and a cigarette and everyone leave me alone. Ive been drinking ever sense. I know, its not the answer, and I want myself back, my strong will, my self respect, and I want to be in control again. My process has been very slow. I wont go on forever about my problems, I just wanted to let you know I understand the stress that goes with dealing with a parent that is ill.
heyhaze
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