Sidney14

My best friend relapsed 5 months ago after nearly 2 years of sobriety
in and out of rehab for the last 5 months checking herself out after only a few days
i who have been sober now for 2.8 years have stood by her and supported her which is not good since I feel that has enabled her to continue on her downward spiral instead of stopping. I even gave her half of my Valium scripts to help her but she used them like tic tacs and she know I still have some left and is putting me under pressure to give her the rest. I have told her I can’t that I do not want to be responsible for her drinking and taking Valium and then overdosing but she has a way of making me feel like I am doing the wrong thing by not giving it to her knowing full well that if the roles would be reversed she wouldn’t do it for me.

Having said that I am also getting tired of this but still I do not know why I am feeling so much guilt about not giving in. It just sucks and it is so depressing knowing that she only wants me there at the moment so she does not have to do the hard work by going to a doctor herself or a public detox centre.

I have even tried ringing private rehabs on her behalf and they r all overbooked at the moment.

Question is should I stay or let her go and risk the friendship?

Dee74

Sometimes its not only best for you but best for the other person to let go Sidney.

Giving her your script was a mistake...ringing around to rehabs is really her job.

Detaching is good for you and I think in the end good for them too..I had to hit my bottom to realise the crud I was in.

If you can't bring yourself to detach completely, definitely take a step back a bit - it all sounds very co-dependent?

D

suki44883

Hello, Sidney. I agree with Dee. Friendship should be a give and take relationship, but it sounds like you are the one doing all the giving and all she is doing is taking. The fact that she tries to make you feel guilty for not giving into her demands just further reflects that this "friendship" is a one-way street. I agree that you should, at the very least, step back and keep contact to a bare minimum. Perhaps doing that will give you more clarity so that you will, at some point, be able to let go completely. There is help out there, if she chooses to accept it, but that's something that no one other than she herself can do.

Sidney14

Thanks. I know you r highly likely r right I have not made many real friends in recovery she was my friend when she became sober but now obviously things have changed and it I am trying to somehow hold on to it in a toxic way

Zebra1275

Sounds like she is more of a drinking buddy than a friend. It's hard to tell the difference between the two when you are both drinking. By continually checking herself out of rehab after a few days, she is making her priorities clear. As Dee said, detach yourself from this relationship, it's not good for you.