BettyP

Spen - my first year of sobriety it was relentlessly dark and rainy for months, and I thought "geez it must be the weather not helping." But then when it was nice and sunny out, the sunlight was honestly overwhelming and triggering to my central nervous system, so I grew to appreciate grey days. That said, vitamin D testing is super easy and you can have your doctor take some bloodwork just to be sure!

Adam - one year is a very bittersweet milestone. Like, you have moved a literal mountain to get here, but it's almost as though you're at base camp at Everest and you still have to make it to the summit. There's more months of PAWS ahead - but you will start to see some gradual changes in the coming months. Celebrate these little milestones and even write them down as they come along so when you get discouraged you can say "ok I can do this thing again, I couldn't do that a year ago.." You're going to make it out of this!

Graceful123

A friend of mine recently had a falling out with their family, so last night I spent close to 6 hours on the phone with them discussing everything that built up in both of us for the last 10 years.

the conversation went well into the depth of the night, as a result of all the emotions I actually ended up staying awake until close to 5 am (I'm usually in bed at 10 pm, for reference). But of course my body is used to going to sleep early and waking up early, so I ended up being up and about at my usual 8 am. Basically running on 3 hours of sleep.

So, how do you stay awake after only sleeping for 3 hours? That's right. Endless amounts of caffeine.

Anyways, I can tell you it's been a rough morning. The combination of caffeine, last night's conversation, staying awake the whole night and barely any sleep put me in a really uncomfortable, low-grade anxiety all morning. The kind that I haven't felt in a long time.

Adam10

Urgh, that sucks Graceful.

I gave up caffeine 6 months ago, and can't go near it now. Even a tiny amount leaves me in a stressful state for the rest of the day.

Betty, thank you. Yes, in some ways the year's anniversary has been tougher mentally than it was the first few weeks. Back then I was beginning a journey with a definite aim of getting better. After 12 months on the PAWS roller coaster of extreme anxiety and then extreme depression (amongst all the other weird and wonderful symptoms that come and go), I'm feeling worn out and tired from it all. With no good days or windows, it does feel like this is it, and it will never end. I've just had about 10 days of very low mood, then in the course of a couple of hours that anxiety started creeping in, and the pendulum has swung the other way.

I've noticed a definite worsening of the 'foggy head' in recent months. Reading a book can be difficult, and I find my mind wanders all over the place. I'm permanently distracted but never focused.

MamaLuna

I swear I just stay dizzy! 😵‍💫 the dizziness stays all day long. Anyone else have constant dizziness?

BettyP

Graceful - I hope you got through that. I'm still so afraid to do any caffeine at all. I went to an art gallery thing with a photographer friend of mine recently and I held her coffee while she chatted up a former classmate - accidentally took a huge swig of her high-test coffee and was like "oh noooooo" hahaha. Thankfully I was ok, but like, I'm not there yet.

I had a day of mild symptoms today - anxiety a little elevated and just that all-over "weird" depersonalization feeling. And also looking at colors felt too bright and were setting me off - that isn't something I've felt in a long time, so PAWS symptoms are still popping up every now and then! I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what was going on, and then I remembered that I'd had a big drinking dream last night - always a sign that I'm about to have a wave of some kind. Blergh.

Hang in there, PAWS fighters!

Graceful123

Thank you all,

I am glad to have you all because I know I'm not alone on bad days. Friends and family that have not been through this ordeal just don't quite understand.

I found out through many months of similar experiences that dizziness is tied into your anxiety. The more anxious you are, the more dizzy you are. The anxiety will subside over time.

biminiblue

That could be caused by breathing incorrectly, too. When I get anxious I tend to breath-hold. I've posted many times about Box Breathing, and that will stop the dizziness. Holding one's breath or shallow breathing/hyperventilation leads to dysregulation in the carbon dioxide/oxygen exchange.

That's why breathing into a bag also works during a panic episode - it changes and helps reset the optimal ratio of CO2 to Oxygen.

Karenita

Hello everyone...so I was doing good for a week or so. Hardly any dizziness, heart racing, etc... Then it all came back, the anxiety, dizziness, heart racing, like a ton of bricks. I am thinking that I need to cut out caffeine all together. I was trying to just have a bit in the morning (coffee, caffeinated beverage) to get the day going but maybe that is the issue. Every time I think I am coming out of this, the symptoms pop back up. The worst is the feeling of "doom". This then moves to heightened anxiety, then dizziness, etc... It just seems to come in waves. Just trying to stay calm, hydrated, and telling myself this shall pass. I feel for everyone that is going through this.

Asix9

Today i have to travel to my new job (another country) and the PAWS hit😪. Its because of the new job after 2 years maybe and the travelling. My Mind play with me right now... like Sabotage
Please wish me Luck!💞💓

Steely

I wish you the very best of luck Asix.

Stay calm at all times. Or, at least try.

Dee74

Wishing you the best ASix9 - not only can you do this, you can do it sober

D

BettyP

Good luck, Asix! Even good anticipation can feel like bad anxiety during early recovery - just remember to go easy on yourself and don't try and push your body and mind too far. You'll already be doing a lot just by stepping out of your comfort zone and traveling :-)

Karenita - the doom feeling hits like a tidal wave. It's a PAWS signature special, unfortunately. Your brain is doing a lot of work trying to heal, and there's just not enough gaba to go around at the moment, and you get that doom sensation. I'd say if you're experiencing a lot of anxiety in early recovery that caffeine is something to take a break from. Or even maybe just go with half-caf coffee if you really need that morning boost.

Ayers

Hi all
Good luck, Asix.
Karenita, yes... I know what you're going through. Just when you think this thing is sorted, BAM, it gives you a side-swipe.
Quitting this time has made me realise just how progressive this disease is. When I quit the first time, I had none of these PAWS symptoms.
I relate with the feelings of doom and the anhedonia.
They are the worst of my symptpms at present.
I remember the last time I posted I was still complaining about the fatigue. That has now become much less intense - without me even realising - I actually just realised while typing this that I'm no longer so immensely fatigued

Yayy - so, good things DO come to those who wait?

Adam10

Hello all.

I’ve been experiencing a weird sensation over the last couple of days. I feel slightly unsteady on my feet, like I’m on a ship that’s moving around. It’s quite unnerving, like I’ve had too much to drink!

Is this the ‘boaty’ feeling I’ve seen some of you mention?

Ayers

Yep - that's it. I've also had it happen to me.
It seems to have passed now, so hang in there.
This too shall pass.

Adam10

Thanks, it's quite disconcerting so that's good to know!

Graceful123

Yes, you're getting the rocky/boaty feeling. It's tied into your anxiety.

Your normal (or lets call it pre-drinking) anxiety response would not have included this, but because you're suffering from long withdrawals, your anxiety response to problems is amplified and this is your brain's way of coping with it.

It will pass

Ayers

Has anyone experienced brain zaps at 90 days sober?
I had them early on, but now having them today.

Graceful123

Yep. Got my one and only brain zap about 4-5 months into PAWS. To this day it was probably one of the strangest feelings I felt.

Your mind is still overloaded. But brain zaps do go away.

Ayers

Thanks, Graceful.
It helps so much when I know it's not weird or that someone else experienced the same.
I've been doing so well, energy wise, but yesterday was a day from hell/ fatigue like before, joint pains and those damned brain zaps. The zaps are gone now, thankfully.
I couldn't believe I felt the same way again after a month of clear sailing.
I feel dizzy today. With 2 birthday parties today. A lunch and dinner party. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes. Wish me luck.