100

I learned how long you been sober is in of its self not really that important. yes not picking up is vital and nothing else is matters is if your not sober, but quality if life is just as important. it matters that you live the life you want . I ignored emotional needs, and it caused me to relapse, so I don't count the few days I do have. since I don't really care about that anymore as it doesn't mean anything in of itself if you are miserable. I was unhappy before I relapsed so today i try to focus on how I can have the life I want. That said I never want to use again, and hope to never get so desperate that using or drinking looks attractive. I'm imbracing the pain I'm in,
as it means I'm feeling and experiencing reality for what it is. My friends have been so nice and incredible supportive. Im m letting others help keep me upright until I can do it myself. It feels good to be verunble and leting others in since they can't help if thier not aware what is going on. I've learned so much from this and I believe i will be all the better for it and my higher power will my experience to helps others. I feel extremely hopeful even though I extremely emotional. I feel loved,cared for, and accepted. Which is all I wanted in the first place. Thats why i used and drank but it never worked, even at its best it was a hollow substitute for love and acceptance.
David

Dee74

I'm glad you have good friends David

D

nez

Sounds good David. Keep on learning and growing. Way to go after the life you want and deserve. Brings a smile to my face.

biminiblue

That is a really thoughtful and good post, David. I feel hopeful FOR you this time. We all are learning every day.

Grymt

‘the whole of this holy life [is] this Friendship, Companionship and Association with the good (the virtuous and wise)’ - said The Buddha



Once after an AA meeting one wise old man said ‘no, the reason you drink is because you can’t not drink.’



I’m an alcoholic and when I drink it’s not because any of the usual superficial reasons, it’s because I can’t not drink.



I know from experience where drinking takes me so the options become clear, die or go insane (and die) or stop drinking and learn to manage reality without crutches.



It’s a long road to this independence or rather self-dependence and it’s important to know that in the beginning good crutches are important when learning.



You seem to have got a couple of good tools in your recovery tool box. Open honesty and a knowledge that friends that are good people are critically important. With that you can go the distance. Well done David, I say.

BrianinLondon

Great stuff 100. Sounds like you needed the relapse and you have gotten off pretty lightly too in terms of consequences so all good.

The longer I get into sobriety, the less I regret the past. I needed those regrettable actions to take place for me to take a different path. Not just in getting sober but in refraining from continuing down a path of approval seeking or trying to fit in with people that I am not a natural fit for. Obsessing about what people thought about me and making life choices to impress people that simply weren't bothered was killing my soul.

Hevyn

My last relapse really was the final one. I learned so much from it. You can do it, David - you're in a good place.