Justme2016

Ugh slipped up bad a few times. What is wrong with me. Straight slutbagI can’t believe how I get when I’m drunk. It’s so bad and disgusting. I swear I’m my mind I’m the only one that acts this way. The more I mess up the worst it gets. . I start to self loathing. It’s so bad it’s like I’m sinking into this dark hole. I need to hear from you. I am going to keep trying to stay sober not moderate. I know I’m lonely and am damaged goods. I just want to feel loved when I wasted. I am in counseling but really haven’t dedicated to working my program.

Dee74

I think staying sober takes a lot of concerted effect and commitment.
If what you've been doing isn't enough to stop you drinking, can you think of things you might add now to your 'recovery action plan'?

D

Justme2016

I am going to get back into my groups to
and I also have a counseling and try to stay sober. Drank Saturday. But everytime I think of all the slutty things I have done while drunk. I start to want to just give in and drink but when ai do t drink nothing bad can happen. 🥺

Dee74

Reputations can be rescued...but only by a life based on not drinking.
Most people have short memories, JustMe

D

advbike

I’m really sorry you’re struggling Justme, I’ve also done things when drinking that i'm not proud of. The only way to get past it and stop feeling the shame is to commit to recovery, otherwise those feelings hang around and haunt me. Wishing you peace and sobriety.

BrianinLondon

Hi Justine, at some point I realised that my reputation and how others viewed me was something I had to de-prioritise - I made a lot of mistakes and alienated a lot of people. There is no point for me in trying to spend my life getting those people back in my good graces - most of them aren't a good fit for me anyway and I only sought their approval and validation rather than seeing them as true friends. I realised I had to stop going to bars and stop saying yes to any social engagement that involved alcohol - save the odd dinner where I would leave immediately after whilst the others went for their post meal drinks. It was really hard at first. And lonely. But it was necessary. I now have a life where my happiness is less dependant on the approval of others and more on what is right for me and my wellbeing. It starts with making big changes and sticking to them - you'll get through the crap period and eventually will come out the other side and feel relief. That you don't need to be on the hamster wheel anymore. Wishing you the best in your efforts.

SoberLeigh

(((Justme))). It’s very possible to put your past experiences solidly and completely into the past and to change the way you think and feel about yourself - to build and gain positive self-esteem, self-respect and purpose. Sobriety and recovery, though, are likely the most essential parts of the the building/re-building process. The counseling which you are already receiving is also a healthy part of this process.

With time - with each passing sober day - with each positive sober experience - with each positive sober exchange (no matter how small), you will be creating a ‘past’ of which you can be proud.

Know, and be certain, that a better way of life can be achieved. Know, and be certain, that you are well deserving of this better way of life.

Please stay close to us. We are here to help and support you.

Vik88

Just me, i had a backpack filled with beer, walking home after buying around 24x50cl 7,2 (had been drinking for days) fell into a bush. some people saw me called for help, got help from some nice cops. they asked if they could throw out the beer when i was in the "drunk tank" i assume and i said yes. The thing i learned from that is drinking doesn't work for me and that don't be ashamed of what you did, but be aware of it and try to change for the better. i could be very anxious about those who saw me in the bush and the cops. In the end that doesn't help us. Be aware, try to improve and don't let past faults haunt you, think about the person you want to be and work towards it

Hevyn

Hi Justme - I'm so glad you wanted to talk about what's going on.

I behaved the same when drinking - the total opposite of the real me, and it was dangerous. I know if I ever try to be a social drinker, the same behavior will start again. I'll be reckless & irrational. It happens every time I allow alcohol into my system. My determination to have just one or two always fails. The only way to stay safe is to never risk it. We know where it leads, & that will never change.

You can do it, Just.

Justme2016

Thank you everyone. Reading all the feedback really helps. Today I feel better. Went to a group online late last night. Just listened. My heart is sad but I have to keep trying.