StartingLife

So yesterday I had the best day. I landed a new job I've wanted for ages and then went out with friends for pride and enjoyed a full day of partying and dancing etc with no alcohol or anything else. I felt AMAZING, I was high on life, full of new found freedom from booze and just so happy.
Today I woke up, went to work and towards the end of my shift got major anxiety and the first big time craving I've had in the last 4/5 weeks. It's was like I was so close to drinking and the more I thought about it the more I panicked and the worse it got. Was NOT fun as you can all imagine and has left me feeling really ****.

So my question is... Could this be because I got an extra dopamine hit yesterday from all the excitement and my brain reached for that in its most likely way again today?
I don't know if this is possible but it made sense to me so just wondering if others have experienced similar.
Reaching out really as I'm wobbly and a bit sad and looking for answers ❤️
#62daysaf

Cellardweller

Congratulations on the new job! I'm not a doctor so I can't comment on the dopamine hit, so I'll just tell you what I've learned going through the process. Cravings to drink can come from a lot of different things. Sometimes they come when we're feeling good (maybe we used drinking as a reward for successes, etc.), lots of times when we're experiencing uncertainty, anxiety, feeling down, or whatever else. They can come from seemingly innocuous or benign things in our daily lives. For instance, for me personally, there is certain music that affects my mood and reminds of 'good times' drinking, or the smell of cigarettes reminding me of trips to the bars with my friends. All of that while not making me want to drink directly, alters my mood and can steer me towards wanting to drink.

So sometimes it's not always trying to completely understand WHERE/WHY the urge to drink manifests, but to experience it, understand it, and try to navigate through it. Our emotions and how we feel generally change hour to hour, day to day. We're complicated people, the way our brains work is complicated. There will be a million things that, while we're grinding away at day to day life, give us the urge to drink. It's difficult to control those, but it's easier to control not drinking. That is actually a choice. It becomes easier as time goes by.

Best wishes.

VikingGF

Hi, StartingLife, good job on 62 days. Any strong emotion might bring up those cravings, but they are just feelings and will pass. Distract yourself, change the narrative, do whatever you need to refocus. Remember that drinking never makes anything better, and kick those feelings right out the window. Cellardweller is right, for now, it doesn’t matter where they come from or why they do, you are the boss of them and they don’t deserve much attention or debate. Keep on your path and they will fade.

StartingLife

Thankyou both for your replies. I am considering trying meetings. AA didn't work for me in the past but I believe that's because I wasn't ready. I now wonder whether reaching out for support that's real, face to face , part of of my life be that daily, weekly or just when needed might help. I may learn to manage certain aspects of my sobriety that I'm finding tough.
in the meantime I think just accepting the feeling and moving past it as advised is definitely the best decision.
I am now in bed so today I didn't drink ❤️
The anxiety is still very present but I know I won't drink now I just hope tomorrow is better and the temptation has faded. If not I will figure that bit out when I get there.
Silly me I thought I'd beaten this in just 62 days....I knew deep down it wasn't as easy as that but I tried to tell myself I was fine now 🙄

Evoo

You’re used to celebrating with alcohol — your AV is just making itself known. You beat it — the more times you celebrate alcohol-free, the more you’ll get used to it. If you’re like me, over time voice trying to get you to drink in these moments will get quieter and quieter.

dustyfox

Congrats on beating the craving! I know what you mean about having a good day and wanting a drink - those were often the hardest moments to ride- but surf them and you will find your self back on the beach of sobriety again. You are doing so well!

mns1

Hi StartingLife and congrats on landing the job. I actually experienced something very similar recently. I had received a clean bill of health from my doctor after battling health problems all year. Been sober since February. The feeling of relief I felt was nothing short of euphoric. The next day I was driving home and that familiar voice in my head surfaced for the first time in months, saying something along the lines of, "You know what, how about you stop at the liquor store, for old times' sake. You're healthy again, so you can have a drink." I didn't even give it a chance. Saw right through it. But it was a reminder that my AV is still in there and always will be.

I think Cellardweller hit the nail on the head. I've had cravings triggered by things that don't even seem remotely connected to my drinking at first glance. But you do start to realize that anything -- a sound, a smell, an object, a word, anything -- no matter how benign, could trigger a response in your brain that leads to an intense craving. I think it has something to do with the circuit-like nature of our minds. But in any case it just goes to show that we can not let our guard down no matter what.

Dee74

Hi startinglife

I used to drink for good times as well as bad, so it makes sense a good day can be a trigger too.
It doesn't mean we have to actually pull that trigger tho - sounds like you're doing well

D