Evoo

For the longest time I thought I was "weak." I would say to my wife things like, "Why can't I just be normal?" I'd look at other heavy drinkers in my family and feel envious that they could "drink a lot and be just fine." They aren't fine.

Over the last several months I've started to consider that alcoholism - and being an alcoholic - is not a personal/moral failing or something to be ashamed of. It's not some flaw in my DNA. Once your neural pathways are rewired and you find yourself consuming a drug to "feel normal" or use the drug to relieve its deleterious effects... you're addicted. No amount of moderating will change that wiring. Anyone can become an alcoholic.

I'm going to say something others may disagree with, but alcoholism is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, overcoming it and coming out the other side stronger, happier with a new frame on life - THAT is strength, that is something to be damn proud of. My former, alcoholic self didn't have the tools for sobriety yet. I'm done blaming past me for that.

Today I did 50 push-ups with both my toddlers sitting on my back, lol. Certainly I can't imagine doing that with poison in my veins.

My challenge to folks here is to accept and embrace that you are an alcoholic - not with shame, but with pride. Ridding myself of this addiction was the hardest thing I've never done in my life - but here I stand healthier and stronger than ever before. Onward, friends.

AL48

You're right Evoo but its a tough one for me.
In short Alcoholism is on both sides of my parents family all the men 6 uncles and my dad. 3 now AF 2 died and my dad 85 is drinking much less and starting to have mild dementia but that will only go in one direction. He was an awful man when drunk pure Jekyll and Hyde great fun in the pub but angry once home.
You would wonder why i drank but i did and ended up here. I was never angry but a sad drunk and kept my troubles to myself.
Now after 19 months AF you would think my mam would be delighted after going through what she did but i never got a nice comment or any bit of support only the question do you have a problem or something, I said no and i just want to give it a go for a month or so. We dont speak about it anymore.
Now my mam is a saint and i love her dearly but this is a strange one and i think for what ever reason i want her approval.
My wife is the opposite, supportive proud and she tells me this daily.
So yes im in the ashamed category group i suppose. Thats why im here on SR with people who i can talk to about things like this.
Being Irish and a recovering alcoholic isnt easy. You are looked down on as a failure by some, you are wierd if you don't drink, if you dont go out, its difficult when every celebration happy or sad involves having a drink.
its a tough one alright. I admire those of you who can open up easily on the subject to those who have no understanding of the problem.
Sorry that wasn't that short🙃.

Mizz

In active addiction I was ashamed. In active recovery from addiction I do not feel shame.

There is nothing to be done about the rearview mirror. When we know better we do better.

Good for you for moving forward and laying down the shame.

dustyfox

Good post Evoo. I felt terrible shame and low self esteem when I drank.
Do I feel shame now? Well I would say I am working through it. The first few months of sobriety were very hard as the shame and remorse were always around.
Personally I have found it helpful to think through why I drank so much, as well as to think about why I didn't stop sooner - not easy stuff to get into but slowly, slowly I have allowed myself to think about it.
This has helped me to move towards acceptance and forgiveness ( forgiving myself that is)
Shame is only a helpful emotion if it leads to action. Letting go of the shame is the next step.
I hope we can all let it go, as the act of becoming sober should move that cloud from our hearts.

FBL

I think we've come a long way in recent years. When my Dad quit drinking in 1983 he kept it pretty quiet as there was still a lot of stigma around alcoholics (even those who got and stayed sober). By the time I got sober in June of 2009, I was so beaten down and ashamed of myself, but at the same time I knew I had to be honest with myself and my friends and family that I never tried to hide my recovery. That said, it did take me quite a few years to feel comfortable enough to share with others outside of my inner circle. When I shared my entire story on a recovery podcast in 2018, I was nervous, but also excited to share my story with the world. I figure if I inspired just one person to find recovery, then it was worth it.

kes

Hi Guys,

Is alcoholism something to be ashamed of?

Absolutely not. No way hosay!!!!!

It can happen to anyone given the right/wrong circumstances. It's just like cancer, it can strike anyone at any time. Nobody wants it or chooses it, it just happens. That's how I see it.

I'm a teacher and people ask me how I can be so open about my alcoholism I ask them where would you go if you had tooth ache? They say the dentist. I respond by asking them if they feel ashamed of having tooth ache and going to see the dentist. Most people say No, why should I. I explain I haven't got tooth ache, I have alcoholism and I'm an alcoholic, I went into rehab to treat my condition, just the same as you went to see the dentist to treat yours.

These are identical scenarios!! There's no difference between them whatsoever in my mind.

We are poorly, not lepers.

I'm proud I went into hospital to sort myself out. I was in detox for 10 days. When I arrived home my neighbour asked if I'd had a good holiday. I just told her, I've not been on holiday, I'm an alcoholic and I've just done a 10 day alcohol detox. She didn't know how to respond! That's her problem not mine.

I hope this makes sense to you guys. I'm not ashamed in the slightest.

ATB,

Kes

saoutchik

It's an interesting question Evoo. I don't think anyone can answer 100% yes or no. I am ashamed of things I did do and things I didn't do and it was certainly no one else that made me become an alcoholic but on a less personal not I don't think we should feel shame. Especially not here because we are all trying hard not to drink.

awuh1

I agree that alcoholism, per se, is nothing to be ashamed of. Our choices, and the behaviors which follow those choices, are a different matter.

Fortunately, there is a way forward even in the wake of bad decisions. ------> Amends

Grymt

https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/un...ted/Shame.html

Bubovski

Is alcoholism something to be ashamed of? Well sortt of yes and no in my opinion. I have felf much shame as a result of where alcohol (and, elsewhere, that dopamine urge) has taken me.
Neural pathways may get clogged up but brain plasticity teaches that rewiring is possible. Of course if we opt for that insane and life destroying boost we make a choice and this, to me, seems to involve weakness or insanity........

Evoo

And I want to clarify — I’m specifically talking about letting go of the shame of being a person who cannot or should not drink alcohol. One of the things that prevented me from getting help was how stigmatized and weak I saw “those people” who “couldn’t deal.” I really think I had it all wrong — backwards.