Hopefully my last "Yet"
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: pittsburgh Pennsylvania
Posts: 13
Hopefully my last "Yet"
Just got out of the hospital. I am a Binge drinker who constantly relapses. This episode was the worst. I ended up on a ventilator and barely survived. I have been through many harrowing experiences involving binge drinking. I hope this is the last......
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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It’s more than hope, it’s action. Perseverance, and patience are key.
Don’t let it kill you. You don’t have to give it that power.
So glad you are given this chance to learn and live. I hope you stay close.
Don’t let it kill you. You don’t have to give it that power.
So glad you are given this chance to learn and live. I hope you stay close.
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
Scooter - I just posted in the newcomers forum about a distant relative of mine, who just got out of rehab in April and went on another bender. Sadly, this relative of mine passed away this month from liver failure at 50 years of age.
Please Scooter, stay sober. This is a deadly addiction.
Please Scooter, stay sober. This is a deadly addiction.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'm so glad you came out of that alive, Scooter.
Hope won't do it.
I hoped for a long time and wound up in a similar situation as you did.
I suggest you change the way you speak to and about yourself. You used to be a binger. Put it in the past. The way we speak to ourselves holds tremendous power.
It must be never again.
Never again is a long time, so I manage it one 'now' at a time - I never drink now.
It works for me.
O
Hope won't do it.
I hoped for a long time and wound up in a similar situation as you did.
I suggest you change the way you speak to and about yourself. You used to be a binger. Put it in the past. The way we speak to ourselves holds tremendous power.
It must be never again.
Never again is a long time, so I manage it one 'now' at a time - I never drink now.
It works for me.
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: pittsburgh Pennsylvania
Posts: 13
I have tried just about everything out there. I have been inpatient/outpatient, personal therapy, group therapy, AA, Recovery Dharma. I get a couple of months and out of nowhere.... I had 6.5 years sober and relapsed. I haven't been able to recapture the magic of those years. I am feeling a little defeated. I know I can't ever drink again. My next drink could be my last breath.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,418
Sorry for your trouble, scccooter. It’s time to try something different, seems what you’re doing isn’t working. Don’t forget what you’ve been through, that can be helpful in the weak moments. Stay close, stay strong, keep posting.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
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Originally Posted by scccooter 
I have tried just about everything out there. I have been inpatient/outpatient, personal therapy, group therapy, AA, Recovery Dharma. I get a couple of months and out of nowhere.... I had 6.5 years sober and relapsed. I haven't been able to recapture the magic of those years. I am feeling a little defeated. I know I can't ever drink again. My next drink could be my last breath.
those 6 1/2 Years you had were Good Right?
I bet you will be Surprised to Find it can get Even Better..
it's Always a Day at a Time..
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
You mention recovery dharma so you may be aware of some of the ways that life works that Buddha explained.
For example regarding experiences like anxiety.
First you have to have something to be anxious about.
So, it's a good idea not to do things to become anxious about. In the here and now, otherwise known as the present moment, do things that are good. If you train yourself to do good things, while you are doing good things you are not doing bad things so you are not doing things that you will be anxious about in the future.
Then you have to deal with anxiety due bad things you have done in the past. This takes time and patience. It involves changing the way you generally relate to things like feelings. So much of the difficulties people face is because of a deeply ingrained wrong identification with ephemeral things.
Things, like feelings, are in a constant flux but they are given the appearance of permanency because of how one binds to them, either wanting them to stay because they are pleasant or wanting them to go away because they are unpleasant, wanting them to come back when they are gone or not wanting them to come back when they are gone... Always wanting wanting wanting... Craving.
There is a false belief that they are MY feelings and that therefore I can control them, so, much of time is spent trying to do so. The truth is that they are not controllable and the result is misery from the fruitless attempts to control.
What Buddha discovered, and taught, is that when one lets go of the habit to identify with and crave pleasant feelings, lets go of the habit to identify with and push away unpleasant feelings (and ignore neutral feelings) then one becomes free from such things as anxiety. It takes time and effort but there are a number of tried and true techniques that help. I assume these are taught in 'recovery dharma'.?
For example regarding experiences like anxiety.
First you have to have something to be anxious about.
So, it's a good idea not to do things to become anxious about. In the here and now, otherwise known as the present moment, do things that are good. If you train yourself to do good things, while you are doing good things you are not doing bad things so you are not doing things that you will be anxious about in the future.
Then you have to deal with anxiety due bad things you have done in the past. This takes time and patience. It involves changing the way you generally relate to things like feelings. So much of the difficulties people face is because of a deeply ingrained wrong identification with ephemeral things.
Things, like feelings, are in a constant flux but they are given the appearance of permanency because of how one binds to them, either wanting them to stay because they are pleasant or wanting them to go away because they are unpleasant, wanting them to come back when they are gone or not wanting them to come back when they are gone... Always wanting wanting wanting... Craving.
There is a false belief that they are MY feelings and that therefore I can control them, so, much of time is spent trying to do so. The truth is that they are not controllable and the result is misery from the fruitless attempts to control.
What Buddha discovered, and taught, is that when one lets go of the habit to identify with and crave pleasant feelings, lets go of the habit to identify with and push away unpleasant feelings (and ignore neutral feelings) then one becomes free from such things as anxiety. It takes time and effort but there are a number of tried and true techniques that help. I assume these are taught in 'recovery dharma'.?
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I did all of the things, too. Yet I relapsed - more than once. In rehab, I completed an evaluation to discover what I'd been missing in my recovery efforts, and the answer was... there must be something else going on. And there was. Mostly, I learned that my inclination to dive in and make big changes when something doesn't feel right is an invitation to activate my addictive self.
Just like we can't go back to the glory days of drinking, we also can't recreate the feelings we had the last go-round with sobriety. BUT, guess what??? We can learn and move forward - and for me, that's brought a new level of peace. I have to imagine it can be the same for you.
Figure out, to the best of your ability, why you were vulnerable. Know that, then dust yourself off and continue on with your sober self. I don't believe you've "lost" anything, but I do believe you may well have gained something that will improve things for you going forward. Being defeated in the battle with alcohol is no failure - it's actually a gift.
O
Just like we can't go back to the glory days of drinking, we also can't recreate the feelings we had the last go-round with sobriety. BUT, guess what??? We can learn and move forward - and for me, that's brought a new level of peace. I have to imagine it can be the same for you.
Figure out, to the best of your ability, why you were vulnerable. Know that, then dust yourself off and continue on with your sober self. I don't believe you've "lost" anything, but I do believe you may well have gained something that will improve things for you going forward. Being defeated in the battle with alcohol is no failure - it's actually a gift.
O
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: pittsburgh Pennsylvania
Posts: 13
Thank you for all of the comments. It really isn't like me to post but I am at a loss and can't go through this again. I am going to do whatever it takes to remain sober.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Help
I suggest going back to AA and finding a sponsor. Take suggestions and understand, we can only be sober TODAY. You did it before, you can do it again..I only got sober when it became "do this or die" and it sounds like you are at the same point. God bless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: pittsburgh Pennsylvania
Posts: 13
I just hit 30 days sober. My anxiety is just now letting up and it has been a rough month. This definitely has to be the last time for me. I can't handle the cycle anymore of binge... hospital... recover.. any more!
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