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Hopefully my last "Yet"

Old 05-25-2022, 06:25 PM
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Hopefully my last "Yet"

Just got out of the hospital. I am a Binge drinker who constantly relapses. This episode was the worst. I ended up on a ventilator and barely survived. I have been through many harrowing experiences involving binge drinking. I hope this is the last......
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Old 05-25-2022, 10:09 PM
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It’s more than hope, it’s action. Perseverance, and patience are key.

Don’t let it kill you. You don’t have to give it that power.

So glad you are given this chance to learn and live. I hope you stay close.
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Old 05-26-2022, 07:46 AM
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It sounds like it better be your last sccooter-I am really glad you are alive and back posting.

What new actions are you going to take to get the binge drinking stopped for good?
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Old 05-26-2022, 09:38 AM
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Scccooter - I'm glad you got help & survived that horrific ordeal. Glad to see you posting. Please stay with us, & be kind to yourself.
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Old 05-26-2022, 12:34 PM
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Scooter - I just posted in the newcomers forum about a distant relative of mine, who just got out of rehab in April and went on another bender. Sadly, this relative of mine passed away this month from liver failure at 50 years of age.

Please Scooter, stay sober. This is a deadly addiction.
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Old 05-26-2022, 01:27 PM
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I'm so glad you came out of that alive, Scooter.

Hope won't do it.
I hoped for a long time and wound up in a similar situation as you did.
I suggest you change the way you speak to and about yourself. You used to be a binger. Put it in the past. The way we speak to ourselves holds tremendous power.

It must be never again.

Never again is a long time, so I manage it one 'now' at a time - I never drink now.
It works for me.

O
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Old 05-26-2022, 04:18 PM
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I have tried just about everything out there. I have been inpatient/outpatient, personal therapy, group therapy, AA, Recovery Dharma. I get a couple of months and out of nowhere.... I had 6.5 years sober and relapsed. I haven't been able to recapture the magic of those years. I am feeling a little defeated. I know I can't ever drink again. My next drink could be my last breath.
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Old 05-26-2022, 06:08 PM
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Maybe sticking around here at SR could help Scooter.
We never stay the same through our lives, so maybe some of the other things you've tried may work better for you now?

D
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Old 05-26-2022, 06:25 PM
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Sorry for your trouble, scccooter. It’s time to try something different, seems what you’re doing isn’t working. Don’t forget what you’ve been through, that can be helpful in the weak moments. Stay close, stay strong, keep posting.
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Old 05-27-2022, 07:20 AM
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I hope this is the last......

Hope is not a viable strategy. What is your action plan to get, and stay sober?
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Old 05-27-2022, 08:31 AM
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Originally Posted by scccooter View Post
I have tried just about everything out there. I have been inpatient/outpatient, personal therapy, group therapy, AA, Recovery Dharma. I get a couple of months and out of nowhere.... I had 6.5 years sober and relapsed. I haven't been able to recapture the magic of those years. I am feeling a little defeated. I know I can't ever drink again. My next drink could be my last breath.
You Need to Begin a NEW Journey My Friend...
those 6 1/2 Years you had were Good Right?
I bet you will be Surprised to Find it can get Even Better..
it's Always a Day at a Time..
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Old 05-27-2022, 09:23 PM
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You mention recovery dharma so you may be aware of some of the ways that life works that Buddha explained.

For example regarding experiences like anxiety.

First you have to have something to be anxious about.

So, it's a good idea not to do things to become anxious about. In the here and now, otherwise known as the present moment, do things that are good. If you train yourself to do good things, while you are doing good things you are not doing bad things so you are not doing things that you will be anxious about in the future.

Then you have to deal with anxiety due bad things you have done in the past. This takes time and patience. It involves changing the way you generally relate to things like feelings. So much of the difficulties people face is because of a deeply ingrained wrong identification with ephemeral things.

Things, like feelings, are in a constant flux but they are given the appearance of permanency because of how one binds to them, either wanting them to stay because they are pleasant or wanting them to go away because they are unpleasant, wanting them to come back when they are gone or not wanting them to come back when they are gone... Always wanting wanting wanting... Craving.

There is a false belief that they are MY feelings and that therefore I can control them, so, much of time is spent trying to do so. The truth is that they are not controllable and the result is misery from the fruitless attempts to control.

What Buddha discovered, and taught, is that when one lets go of the habit to identify with and crave pleasant feelings, lets go of the habit to identify with and push away unpleasant feelings (and ignore neutral feelings) then one becomes free from such things as anxiety. It takes time and effort but there are a number of tried and true techniques that help. I assume these are taught in 'recovery dharma'.?
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Old 05-28-2022, 10:57 AM
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I did all of the things, too. Yet I relapsed - more than once. In rehab, I completed an evaluation to discover what I'd been missing in my recovery efforts, and the answer was... there must be something else going on. And there was. Mostly, I learned that my inclination to dive in and make big changes when something doesn't feel right is an invitation to activate my addictive self.

Just like we can't go back to the glory days of drinking, we also can't recreate the feelings we had the last go-round with sobriety. BUT, guess what??? We can learn and move forward - and for me, that's brought a new level of peace. I have to imagine it can be the same for you.

Figure out, to the best of your ability, why you were vulnerable. Know that, then dust yourself off and continue on with your sober self. I don't believe you've "lost" anything, but I do believe you may well have gained something that will improve things for you going forward. Being defeated in the battle with alcohol is no failure - it's actually a gift.

O

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Old 05-28-2022, 02:02 PM
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Thank you for all of the comments. It really isn't like me to post but I am at a loss and can't go through this again. I am going to do whatever it takes to remain sober.
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Old 05-28-2022, 02:07 PM
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Help

I suggest going back to AA and finding a sponsor. Take suggestions and understand, we can only be sober TODAY. You did it before, you can do it again..I only got sober when it became "do this or die" and it sounds like you are at the same point. God bless.
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Old 05-29-2022, 09:04 AM
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That is where I intend to begin. I am open to anything at this point.
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Old 06-15-2022, 06:59 PM
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How's it going, scccooter?
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Old 06-16-2022, 06:42 PM
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I just hit 30 days sober. My anxiety is just now letting up and it has been a rough month. This definitely has to be the last time for me. I can't handle the cycle anymore of binge... hospital... recover.. any more!
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Old 06-16-2022, 07:08 PM
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Congrats on 30 days Scccooter

D
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