BullDog777

Well, kidney surgery sucked a$$. I passed 12 4-6mm kidney stones all in a 24 hour period. They released me way too soon. The anesthetic wore off very quickly and by the time I got home I was going into shock from the pain. I had to be taken by ambulance back to the hospital because my vitals were really spiking and I couldn't get any pain meds in me because I was vomiting profusely. It took them awhile to stabilize me, but after they did, I felt a lot better.

Stayed in the hospital for the day and when I was finally released, I was ready to put this chapter to bed.
Boy did that suck.

I feel like a million bucks now. I'm back in the gym and I've made significant progress there. Next up is hernia surgery. LOL. Never a dull moment.

Sobriety is going well. Nothing major. I think my brother is having a really hard time with my dad's passing. He texted me yesterday and still sounds so heartbroken. I think he and I see things a bit differently.

I'm of the opinion that I did everything I could to take care of my dad for the year he lived with us. He wanted for nothing and I made sure he was comfortable. Sadly, he wanted no part of this world without his wife and I get that. I think my brother struggles with that.

Sobriety has become a routine engrained in my soul. I sort of use the tools you all have instilled in me almost without thinking now. The only regret I have is not doing this sooner. But I guess better late than never.

I know I don't come by as much as I used to but there's been somewhat of a troubling trend I've been noticing in these forums. It seems like a lot of people are relapsing and having a really hard time getting time back. I've been there. The more you go out, the harder it is to come back.

I used it as a crutch for so many years. The addiction was always in my back pocket, there to destroy my life as I wished. That crutch has to be annihilated. Do it by any means necessary. Counseling. Dr care. AA. NA. CBT. Do them all, or some. Just do some sort of recovery everyday and never give up.

Sobriety has to become a habit in order to survive this. It has to be a daily commitment whether you feel like showing up or not. I can't tell you all how many of my early days sucked a$$ just because it was early sobriety. It's SCARY. It's messy. It's a roller coaster ride filled with a few beautiful days in between. As time goes on, those beautiful days start to collect and the s#!tty days start to dwindle. Then there will be a day where you catch yourself noticing that you haven't thought about getting drunk in days. Then weeks. Then months. Then years. Until this sickness, or illness what ever you wanna call it is in arrest and you learn how to live again. THAT. Is the beauty in recovery. Everything is subject to change as long as you keep moving forward.

So my message today? Stop looking back. It's not worth the pain. I lived in the past for decades. It doesn't exist anymore. The only thing that matters is your future. Show up and get mad and take it back if that's what you need to do. Just don't stop trying to make a life worth being proud of.

Thank you for the life you all have taught me how to live. There's no words to express the gratitude I have for someone who was so hopeless and sad for so long. I choke up even writing that. I got to be a father again. A husband again. A good son and brother again. Someone people trusted again. I got to be more than my illness because of you people.

5 years 5 months and 5 days down. I absolutely love it.

thanks.

ScottFromWI

Thanks for checking in BD - really good to hear that things are looking up in so many ways for you, even though it sounds like the surgery was quite an ordeal. Very glad that is behind you now too.

I hope you continue to update us and share - your story is a great one and you would have much to offer those struggling here. Be well and thanks again for the positive message of hope for all of us.

nez

Thanks for your post BullDog, I needed it, not because my recovery is at risk; but just because I needed a slice of real life sharing from another person in recovery. It was reinforcing, uplifting, and from the heart. It was about real life and not just rainbows, pink clouds, and puppy dog tails. It was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I love recovery! Thank you.

Hevyn

What you went through sounds horrific, BullDog. Thank you for the uplifting & encouraging post.
I especially appreciate the 'stop living in the past' message. I dwell there far too often. Will work on it.
Congrats on your 5 yrs., 5 mos. 5 days of freedom.

least

Glad you got your surgery straightened out. That must have been scary as hell.

Congrats on 5 5 5.

Dee74

I didn’t realise you were going through the Bulldog.
I’m glad you’re feeling better now

Good thoughts on sobriety too - things are tough all over right now.

D

fishkiller

Thanks for posting

Sorry about your Dad

Fusion

I'm grateful for your post, Bulldog, thank you for composing it. Five years, five months and 5 days is quite simply awesome. Your post shows that it's not just about the incremental daily tally of not drinking, but the personal growth in sobriety, real authentic emotional strength, or however it's described, a certain 'somethingness-strength' to stand-up each day, like a warrior, and tackle the daily grind, the mundanity, without a chemical crutch. And what a beacon you are.

I'm so sorry about your Dad, Bulldog, yet it's clear, you did him proud.